Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

This Colour of Blue!

Options
  • 27-03-2011 7:12am
    #1
    HenryHoward
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2 ✭


    "The colour of blue,
    In this fair sky,
    Reminds me of you,
    The first time we did lie

    Soft grass was our bed,
    The willow our shade,
    The river and birds,
    Such sweet serenade.

    I’m reminded of you,
    By this shade of blue,
    And flowers and birds,
    And all pretty things true."

    Be gentle, it's my first time.


    Wedding Gloves
    discount wedding dress
    mother of the bride dresses


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    Matt Holck
    Registered Users Posts: 9,706 ✭✭✭Matt Holck


    people don't say "we did lie"
    unless they're try to rhyme
    they say "we lay"
    counting syllables (0ne could also count accented beats but that's trickier)

    almost every line is 5 syllables

    adjusting the shorter and longer ones would stabilize rhythm
    I like this image

    Soft grass was our bed,
    The willow our shade,
    The river and birds,
    Such sweet serenade.

    I'd chose "sweetly serenade" instead of "Such sweet serenade."
    to evoke the verb form of serenade to further enliven the scene


Advertisement