Do you lament the 'Baby Years'?

Fittle

As the title suggests, do you lament the time when your child/ren were babies?

I ask because I seriously DON'T:D yet I've seen threads here where parents comment about various aspects of kids growing up, and seem to prefer when things were 'easier' when they were babies.

Perhaps some of my own opinion is down to the fact that I parent alone (and I mean, alone!!!) and I personally found the baby years horrendous. I was bored, lonely, stressed, TIRED, exhausted, tired, lonely, angry and every other negative adjective you can think of...the list is endless;)

Since he turned about 5, things seemed to 'click' with me in the parenting department - finally I had someone I could rationalise with 'If you do that, you DON'T get that...if you do that, you DO get that...' etc.

And now, at almost 9 I have a little lad with a really funny personality....a kid whose company I really enjoy and I never thought about 'enjoying' him when he was a baby...(does that sound really bad???).

Anyway, I ask this question because I've a pal who is pregnant on her 5th child...without judging her, she seems to loose interest when each child turns 4 and longs for the days of buggies, nappies, babybags and hearing that newborn 'wail' that actually gives me the shivers:eek::eek: I think it's really that feeling of feeling being 'needed' but she won't admit to that;)

So am I alone in NOT lamenting the baby-years???

metrovelvet

Torture.

I lament that I didnt have the breathing or headspace to see the tenderness in them.

But yeah...they are rough alright.

Fittle

I don't always believe that parents (particularly mothers) are very honest about how hard the baby years are. The number of women who told me their kids slept through the whole night from 6wks, never had wind, ate like horses and were generally 'perfect' babies used to sink me into a depression:rolleyes:

As he's gotten older, and I've been in their houses with their 'perfect' babies, I've realised that it's either their 'perception' of a perfect baby that's radically different to mine, or just that they are blatant liars that is the main difference

metrovelvet

I think for some people the challenges are less demanding for whatever reason, but yeah there are a lot of myths around it and people dont talk about the shadow sides of new motherhood.

It was awful for me, starting from a traumatic birth to taking a newborn home alone after an emergency ceasarian. I still cant walk by the hospital without crying. I cant underline enough how awful it was and that set the stage for the first year.

The sleep deprivation, the isolation, the not having time to shower or eat and the emotional upheaval... who wouldnt be depressed? It would be weird if you thought this wouldnt have such a bad effect on your well being.

I dont know how I made it through them tbh. Hes three now. I started getting some sleep about a year and a half ago so its a lot better now.

Fittle

metrovelvet wrote: »

It was awful for me, starting from a traumatic birth to taking a newborn home alone after an emergency ceasarian. I still cant walk by the hospital without crying. I cant underline enough how awful it was and that set the stage for the first year.

The sleep deprivation, the isolation, the not having time to shower or eat and the emotional upheaval... who wouldnt be depressed? It would be weird if you thought this wouldnt have such a bad effect on your well being.

How awful for you Metro.

I had a wonderful pregnancy and a 4hr labour and natural birth, and I still say that I would give birth to ten babies, no problem;)

But I think none of that prepared me for the first few years...

I had a desperate feeling of isolation and lonliness and yet an equally desperate love for this child...I found that I was in constant conflict with myself...I had a child that I had created and that I loved so much, that I was reduced to tears with how overwhelmed I was, everytime I looked at him....and yet, I also had an equally overwhelming feeling of isolation/lonliness and desperation and wondered how on earth I was going to raise this child into adulthood:eek::eek:


But here we are...:D

For what it's worth Metro....It does get easier...I swear;)

egan2020

I'm in complete agreement with Fittle. I'm due in 5 weeks and to be honest, I'm dreading the first couple of YEARS!! My daughter is nine this year too and we are the best of friends but like Fittle, this only happened when she turned about 5. I think I went back to work about two months before my maternity ended because I was cracking up at home. Maybe this time will be different because I'm nine years older and hopefully more patient although I wasn't that young having my first (25) but I certainly wasn't prepared for it.

metrovelvet

^ EVeryone says round two is easier. And your nine year old is old enough to help out now.

Fittle

metrovelvet wrote: »

^ EVeryone says round two is easier. And your nine year old is old enough to help out now.

'Help out':D

If only I had taught him that helping out was so important in the early years:D

I went back to work when he was about 10months, and have spent the next 8yrs rushing to get to creche/the shops/work/school/relevant sports event lol, so that it is so much easier to do stuff myself and get out the door, than to teach him how important it is that HE does stuff himself:rolleyes::rolleyes:

Egan, I'd say if I had another one, things would be much easier...perhaps it's because I only have the one and didn't have another person in the home to help with anyting..but if you already have a 9yr old, hopefully she will do alot of the running around for you in those first few weeks...best of lucky anyway xx

egan2020

metrovelvet wrote: »

^ EVeryone says round two is easier. And your nine year old is old enough to help out now.

Hopefully she'll help even though she's a complete tomboy!

Jubo

Two of mine are now teenagers - am now definitely lamenting the baby years! How do they turn into such monsters!!!

foxy06

Four kids ages 9, 6 17 months and 3 months. The older two were just becoming an absolute joy when I had the bright idea of having 2 more close together. I had forgotten how hard the first few years were but the earlier years were a lot harder with the first two.

I can remember putting the eldest to sleep in the buggy because he wouldn't sleep anywhere else, used to stick my foot out of the end of the bed to wheel him back and forth hoping he would go back to sleep.....he rarely did!

Was a nightmare but I realise now it was my own doing. I was too busy trying to do things for an easy life but persevering with a routine is what made it easier this time.

Fittle

foxy06 wrote: »

Four kids ages 9, 6 17 months and 3 months. The older two were just becoming an absolute joy when I had the bright idea of having 2 more close together. I had forgotten how hard the first few years were but the earlier years were a lot harder with the first two.

I can remember putting the eldest to sleep in the buggy because he wouldn't sleep anywhere else, used to stick my foot out of the end of the bed to wheel him back and forth hoping he would go back to sleep.....he rarely did!

Was a nightmare but I realise now it was my own doing. I was too busy trying to do things for an easy life but persevering with a routine is what made it easier this time.

So you are lamenting the baby years....or not?

Iwannahurl

I'm still going through the baby years (two of the monsters under 3-and-a-half ) and I do find it exhausting and frequently head-wrecking.

However, it is also a very rewarding and delightful experience. I finally understood those friends who told us to enjoy them when they are small because they grow up so fast.

They will only be that age once, and when they are older I will probably have forgotten all the headaches and will be nostalgic for all the nice bits.

I'm told there's a golden age in the middle, between the terrible twos and the terrible teens. That's something to look forward to, but who will I watch In the Night Garden with then?

deisemum

I found once they started school things got a lot easier and I don't lament the baby years though as a childminder babies are a lot of work compared to older children hence the smaller ratios but they go home at the end of the day and do not disturb my sleep though my cats do on occasion.

My lads are teenagers so at times it can be like the terrible twos but with more door slamming or muttering under their breath when the hormones kick in.;) but I'd still prefer the teenage years over the baby years. They haven't given too much grief yet bar the occasional hormonal row.

I think once they're around 3 years old they are very funny especially when they're still so innocent and just say what they think.

I found once I got into a routine with the first lad it was a bit like having an accessory as he was an easy enough baby but when I had the second lad 2 years later who didn't sleep longer than an hour at a time until he was 15 months and my husband was working away from home and only home at the weekends I knew what hard work was. It put me off having anymore.

My mother liked the baby stage but had 8 children under 10 and then the 9th one after a long gap but once each new baby came along she lost interest in the older ones.

littlebug

I don't lament the baby years in the slightest. My first was like Deisemums second, cried for nearly 2 solid years day and night (well that's how it felt at the time) and didn't sleep through a night til she was 3. The second was a lot easier but I wasn't recovered from the first one :eek:. I love the ages they are now, nearly 9 and 6, they play well together, I love watching them learn and we can have real conversations. For the last few years we've been able to have hobbies again! I'm lapping up the bliss of these few years before the tormented teens start.
I sometimes look at people with babies and small toddlers and feel sorry for them though I know my first was at the extreme end of things.

egan2020

foxy06 wrote: »

Was a nightmare but I realise now it was my own doing. I was too busy trying to do things for an easy life but persevering with a routine is what made it easier this time.

I think this is where I went wrong too. My daughter didn't sleep through the night until she was 5 or 6 years old and it was my own fault. I knew what I had to do, i.e. leave her cry and persevere but it was just easier to leave her into our bed and give her bottles of juice or milk or even a DVD at 2 a.m. just to keep her quiet. As a result, I didn't sleep through the night either for a couple of years!

Fittle

So would you all agree that sleep deprevation scuppered alot of the enjoyment of those first few months/years?

I know in my own case, my son didn't sleep for a full night until he was 2...he woke every 4 hours, religiously...when I got him off his formula milk, I gave him water instead...and so, he woke up every four hours for water...
It was almost exactly to the day of his 2nd birthday that he actually slept for a full night...at which point I jumped up, slightly hysterical and poked him to make sure he was still alive:eek:

I think if someone else had done the nite stuff, my life would have been so different for those two years:)...those two years that took me about another 2yrs to recover from:rolleyes:

metrovelvet

Fittle wrote: »

So would you all agree that sleep deprevation scuppered alot of the enjoyment of those first few months/years?

I know in my own case, my son didn't sleep for a full night until he was 2...he woke every 4 hours, religiously...when I got him off his formula milk, I gave him water instead...and so, he woke up every four hours for water...
It was almost exactly to the day of his 2nd birthday that he actually slept for a full night...at which point I jumped up, slightly hysterical and poked him to make sure he was still alive:eek:

I think if someone else had done the nite stuff, my life would have been so different for those two years:)...those two years that took me about another 2yrs to recover from:rolleyes:

Yes definitely. Or even someone to bring home nappies and formula or make you a sandwich or be on watch so you can have a shower. I remember distinctly when my son slept for five consecutive hours at 18 months old and I had my first dream.

But I do really like the toddler-preschool years and Im so aware that its a golden age that passes quickly even if I am half destroyed. When you see their conciousness unfolding week to week...its amazing and the stuff they come out with is hilarious and sometimes very very wise. He's the best.

BostonB

Miss them yes, want them back no.

Depends on the child some are much harder than others.

upinthesky

i did with my first two there only 18 months apart so couldnt wait for them to craw walk have some independence etc

but now i have a 4 month old the other two are now 8 and 6 and i don't want him to grow up!

i think its because i know how quick it goes

im sure it depends on your situation how many kids you have and what kind of a relationship your in

i definitely find the third a breeze anyone else agree?

Iwannahurl

My brother-in-law (on his second family) says the older of our two is "doing 80% of [his younger sister's] rearing".

By that reckoning your older two are doing at least 100%. So of course you have it easy!

All I can say wait till they are teenagers before you decide if you miss the baby years:D

Morag

No I don't miss that stage at all, I get the feeling I will miss the stage they are at now.
They are pretty independant but with out the strops and power plays of being teens.

Fittle

My son is just 9 and I think I will miss these years too...he is getting slightly 'brave' with me these days I've noticed...not quite giving back cheek just yet, but certainly the tone of his answers to me has changed somewhat - so far, I'm finding it quite funny and have to hide my smiles from him - but I'm under no illuision that I won't be smiling at his cheek in a couple of years;)

Cottontail

My son is nearly 15 months old and although I love him to bits, it is SO hard. Part of me would love another baby but then I wonder if I've got rocks in my head to even consider it, I really don't know if I could cope with going through it all again. I really don't think I'll be lamenting the baby years!!

CathyMoran

Am in the middle of it now - our son is over 11 months old and only started in the creche this month - yes it is extemely tiring but getting to know this little person that you have wanted all your life has also been a pleasure and a privilidge, I do hate when he feels ill though. We are having a baby sister for him in May so that has added to our fatige but there are so many things that he does every day that make us smile.

KittyeeTrix

Mum here to a 9, 11, 14 and 17 year old and absolutely do not lament the baby years at all. that said i do miss the funny little things they come out with and the massive shows of affection. My youngest 2 still give me random hugs and I love you's but the 2 eldest wouldn't anymore.

I realise though that this is a phase in their life and that later on they will be more inclined to be affectionate again as they develop and grow older...

Teenagers are tough no doubt. Our eldest was involved in some teenage drinking last year and now has a girlfriend so I've had to do the chat about protection etc but I can honestly say that I'm enjoying them more than I did when they were babies.......I must be mad:eek:

Just been reading Fittles post about her little lad giving a little hint of back cheek, funnily enough mine never did that and even the eldest teenage lad getting into a bit of bother last year didn't upset me too much......He's a grand lad at home, never gives lip or anything but did what a lot of teenagers do ( experimented with alcohol and the guards rang us to collect him)!

smelltheglove

Im with you there I tell ya. My first was SERIOUS sleep deprevation and being alone was a huge struggle. I did enjoy her, I mean I took her out to the park, I took a million photos, I loved her to bits but I enjoy her more as she gets older. My second although she slept was a handful and now 4, still a handful, I enjoy her much more.

Both of mine were hard work though, walking before 10 months, the youngest first climbed out of her cot at 8 months old, there was no keeping either of them still! I know I will go again at some stage, I have another 8 - 10 years of good baby making in me but wow how I would love if you could give birth to a 3/4 year old and skip the baby stages! We can all dream eh!

blue_steel

As a first time dad of a five week old I am already looking forward to the baby years finishing It is without doubt the hardest job I've ever taken on. I've always loved the idea of having a child but babies have never done anything for me. I cannot wait for story-time, going to the play ground, helping with home work, all that. But for me the baby stuff is just repetitive hard work. Probably sound terrible to some people but I can't wait till she starts talking and I can genuinely interact with her.

kelle

Fittle, my dear - you speak my language!

I found the early years with my kids very hard.

I could not take my son anywhere. Any chance he got he would run off, and would keep running not caring if he couldn't see me! He didn't settle until he was 4. My girls were much better.

I do not miss the sleep deprivation either. Though I kinda solved that by having the children in bed beside me - They would never have slept otherwise. I used to wonder what planet the experts lived on when they mantained babies slept up to 23 hours a day. Mine NEVER slept during the day. I'd spend 30 minutes (not joking - I counted) wheeling them around and around the house in the buggy getting them to sleep so I could wash the floor/cook - then they were awake after 20 minutes!

The colic! No way do I miss that.

A constant sore back from carrying them!

Not being able to relax and read a newspaper/magazine/go on Boards, because you have to watch them. It's no fun.

Mine are 10, 8 and 4 now and I'm really enjoying them now. I have no desire to have any more. My brothers all have small children and I can see they're all tired. I enjoy helping them out, but love the fact I can hand them back!

blue_steel wrote: »

As a first time dad of a five week old I am already looking forward to the baby years finishing It is without doubt the hardest job I've ever taken on. I've always loved the idea of having a child but babies have never done anything for me. I cannot wait for story-time, going to the play ground, helping with home work, all that. But for me the baby stuff is just repetitive hard work. Probably sound terrible to some people but I can't wait till she starts talking and I can genuinely interact with her.

Congratulations, Blue steel!

Fittle

blue_steel wrote: »

As a first time dad of a five week old I am already looking forward to the baby years finishing It is without doubt the hardest job I've ever taken on. I've always loved the idea of having a child but babies have never done anything for me. I cannot wait for story-time, going to the play ground, helping with home work, all that. But for me the baby stuff is just repetitive hard work. Probably sound terrible to some people but I can't wait till she starts talking and I can genuinely interact with her.

Congrats Bluesteel:)

I think the word you're looking for is 'boredom':D I don't think I was ever so bored in my life in those first few weeks - although I was so tired, I didn't really recognise it as boredom, if that makes sense.
What you're feeling is perfectly normal:D