Wish you hadn't said .....

Pacing Mule

This story comes to you courtesy of my brother. Many years ago he was a bit wild and a typical saturday night (to be fair typical night) would involve him going out and getting hammered before inviting anyone around him back to his flat for a session. He was working down the country at the time and it wasn't unusual for strangers to end up back at his flat having been invited by himself or one of his mates along the way.

One night he was particularly drunk and passed out on his sofa. The flat wasn't very big and the sofa and armchair were placed in an L shape. Unbeknownst to my brother along the way back one of the lads had invited one of the locals back to the party. My brother wakes up draped backwards over the sofa looking directly at the guest in question who was approx 3 feet from him as he awoke. The guest was leaning forward rolling himself a joint.

At this point I need to explain that the chap in question suffered horrific burns in an earlier incident. My brother awoke to a very burnt face staring at him and let a huge roar out in fright.

He immediately was mortified for letting the roar out and was mindful of the hurt he may have caused this guy so he decides to go out of his way to converse with him as normal as if nothing had happened etc.

The guy in question happens to mention that himself and his partner have a new baby and my brother in his drunken state, trying to have / portray a normal conversation blurts out "and does he look like you or your missus...." The whole flat stops again and looks at him in disgust. My brother can't apologise enough.

To his credit the guy in question took it in good humour and thought it was very funny but to this day my brother wishes he hadn't have said it.

So AH what is the worst thing you wish you hadn't said ....

auditek923

imagine that, that would be some way to waken up

**Timbuk2**

It doesn't really sound like your brother did anything wrong - it's a genuine question!

Pacing Mule

**Timbuk2** wrote: »

It doesn't really sound like your brother did anything wrong - it's a genuine question!

Let's recap here. Father looks like Freddie Krueger ....

indough

presumably he wasnt born looking like that

Pacing Mule

indough wrote: »

presumably he wasnt born looking like that

This is very true.

Solnskaya

Had baby, nicknamed baby "fatso". Baby goes to childminder. Childminder is lovely girl, but obese. Daddy (first time in blue moon)collects baby. Knackered after work Daddy greets baby and childminder with "HEEEY FATSO". Daddy looks for new childminder. Childminder hates Daddy. Mammy hates Daddy.

Voodoomelon

Met this good lookin asian girl in Dublin one night, see told me early on in the night that she had lost a child during birth.

Me and my mate ended up in her and her mates hotel room later that night and someone was chattin about kids or the like, and sober here turns to the asian girl and says "you said you had a wee girl didn't you?".

Room went silent, she said "eh, no, I lost her" and I excused myself and jumped out the 2nd story window.

Solnskaya

Voodoomelon wrote: »

Met this good lookin asian girl in Dublin one night, see told me early on in the night that she had lost a child during birth.

Me and my mate ended up in her and her mates hotel room later that night and someone was chattin about kids or the like, and sober here turns to the asian girl and says "you said you had a wee girl didn't you?".

Room went silent, she said "eh, no, I lost her" and I excused myself and jumped out the 2nd story window.

Total slut.

General General

I told Ian Brown to shut up.

epgc3fyqirnbsx

My wood work teacher "popeye" with the glass eye

He was showing us how to use the bandsaw and said how careful you need to be or a pice of wood could fly up and hit you in the face

Smart me pipes up "Sure it's all fun and games till someone loses...."
Got the look of death and two years of sh*tty grades

Solnskaya

first day of woodwork and teacher was showing us how to safely use tablesaw, proceeded to slice off his thumb cutting the "here's how" piece-oh how we laughed.

It wasn't me!

To the last two posts, cheers. I had a really good laugh at those.

Ghost Buster

I once asked the little old lady, who ran the corner shop, for a 69. I managed to keep it together until she asked me if I wanted a flake in it. I had to leave........

weiland79

Was in van with a friend of mine and another guy. My friend asked me for a light. He took my lighter,used it then put it in his pocket.
I then shouted at him 'oi give me back my lighter you thieving gypsy bastard'

Which wouldn't be so bad except the guy driving the van was a traveller.

He wasn't impressed.

major bill

was out drinking with aload of friends talking crap and the conversation got abit heated, everything calmed down eventually and one of the lads who kinda started the convo says ''jees talk about shooting yourself in the head''. The whole table went silent as one of the other lads lost a family member to suicide(shot themselves). Very awkward for the rest of the night the lad that made the comment left shortly after it.

Prob the worst foot in mouth i witnessed

stupidusername

I was working in a shoe shop a few years ago, it was the evening time, it was quiet. this woman came in, and asked me for a size. I got it, noticed that she only seemed to be moving one arm, looked at the other - it's a prosthetic arm. fine, i thought. few minutes later she decides to buy them, I put them in a bag, handed her her change etc, noticed she seemed to be struggling with her bags, getting them altogether, I goes "do you want a hand?"

actual true story.

she goes "no it's grand I can manage" and then it hit me... she was grand about it though, obviously.

weldoninhio

Was out with a few friends and we were meeting one of their gfs friends for the first time, we were only in 5th or 6th year at the time. Few of us were single as were some of them. I'd had a few too many beforehand. Conversation went like this

My friend: So do you work or anything??
Mates Gfs friends: No, not at the moment.
My Friend: So how do you afford to go out and that.
Gfs Friend: (jokingly) Ah, prostitution hahaha
Me: Sure you'se would make fuck all at that.

Left soon after.

GAAman

Having a conversation with a guy i lived with and he asked me what i had gotten up to that day

"Ah you know me, i ended world hunger found bin laden and cured cancer" to illustrate i hadnt done a thing all day.

Said housemates dad was in a hospice on his way out with......guess what

Wanted the ground to swallow me up!

WoollyRedHat

When I was a kid, there was this other kid who had a birthmark on this face on one side and I said to him " Hey you look like that guy Two face". Feel bad thinking back on it.

weiland79

GAAman wrote: »

Having a conversation with a guy i lived with and he asked me what i had gotten up to that day

"Ah you know me, i ended world hunger found bin laden and cured cancer" to illustrate i hadnt done a thing all day.

Said housemates dad was in a hospice on his way out with......guess what

Wanted the ground to swallow me up!

If he was starving to death why didn't they just give him something to eat?

GAAman

weiland79 wrote: »

If he was starving to death why didn't they just give him something to eat?

Cos im a scabby bástard

Celly Smunt

me : knock knock,hey mrs.blah
Neighbour: hello
Me: you couldn't do me a favour could you?
Neighbour: sure no problem
Me: Could i have a lend of your shears to cut my mams big bush
Neighbour: ...
Me: ...

bambera

I once called work from a very busy dart to say I was running late as said dart was stuck at Grand Canal C#*k

strobe

Wasn't something I said but kind of in the same vein....

Was walking along with my little two year old nephew in the shopping centre about three weeks ago........I have to say at this point that he has a book with a load of animal pictures in it, a different animal on every page and when you open it it makes the noise of the animal, so barks on the dog page etc, and he likes to imitate the noises..........and as we were approaching the escalator a black couple and their son walked past us. Next thing my nephew breaks into a big smile, points at them and starts shouting at the top of his lungs "Monkeys! Monkeys! Monkeys! Ooooohh oooohh oooooh ahhh ahhh ahhhh! Monkeys!"

I'm convinced he knew exactly what he was doing and just wanted to embarrass me.......

major bill

strobe wrote: »

Wasn't something I said but kind of in the same vein....

Was walking along with my little two year old nephew in the shopping centre about three weeks ago........I have to say at this point that he has a book with a load of animal pictures in it, a different animal on every page and when you open it it makes the noise of the animal, so barks on the dog page etc, and he likes to imitate the noises..........and as we were approaching the escalator a black couple and their son walked past us. Next thing my nephew breaks into a big smile, points at them and starts shouting at the top of his lungs "Monkeys! Monkeys! Monkeys! Ooooohh oooohh oooooh ahhh ahhh ahhhh! Monkeys!"

I'm convinced he knew exactly what he was doing and just wanted to embarrass me.......

ha similar situation with me lil cousin he was out in the park and seeing a black couple with their baby he says ''hey look its mama and papa bear''