Prison thread throws up an old classic ....

Pacing Mule

Being the sadistic bastard that I am I quite enjoy reading the prison threads

There is one there tonight with a classic thread referenced ....

The now closed thread is here

And the classic OP is ...

Fake names btw.....

I was at a session there about two months ago. Myself and friends hit the town, flootered, great craic, etc.

Went back to my mate Jimmys house, it was just three of us (males) drinkin away and the clock struck 6am and I said "f*kit jimmy I'm wrecked I'm kippin in your bed head to toe if you don't mind."

Jimmy said "yeh no worries" and conked on the couch on the spot in a sitting upright position.

Then my other friend Paddy said, "yeah I'm wrecked I'll hop in the bed too, Jimmy can stay on the couch, look at him he's bolixed, not gettin up".

I looked over at Jimmy. He was slowly slipping into sleepyland with each breath.

We left him in the sitting room.

So asleep we went. Head to toe. Nothin' wrong with sleepin in the same bed as mates, I've done it loads of times before. And I was in my own sleeping bag as well so I was extra protected from what was about to happen......

Ready?

So myself and paddy were in jimmys bed. I drifted off.... I started to dream.....

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

And I was awoken, gently, by a rhytmic squidgey sound with somebody breathing heavily "oooh ohhh yeah ohhh ohhhh yea ohhh my god ohhhh ohhh".

I opened my eyes, staring at the wall with the sound coming from behind me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. What the fuck was it? There was no way my two good mates were going at it, in the same bed as me, RIGHT BEHIND ME!!!!

I was 100% awake now, still staring at the wall in front of my face "oooh ohhh yeah ohhh ohhhh yea ohhh my god ohhhh ohhh" and I plucked up the courage to turn around and find out exactly what was goin on.

My mates can't be doing that can they. No way. They're the boys. The lads.

I turned around.

Jimmy had Paddys boner gripped tightly and was **** the shyte out if it.

Paddy was the one screaming "oooh ooh ahh mmmm".

They didn't notice me turning around.

I turned right back around to the wall as quickly as possible as my mind raced 100mph.

"How the fuck do I get out of the room?" I thought.

Do I just tell them to stop?

No that's embarrassing.

This is embarrassing for me! What am I thinking! Of course they have to stop!

But I should just pretend I didn't notice until the morning. Yeah. That's it.

As horrible as it is I'll just wait till it's over and then go back to sleep....

And I wont mention a fucking thing at breakfast...

I continued staring at the wall as the **** started to die down.

Phew.

Sleep. At last.

****Tinkle****

"What the fuck was that????!!!!"

Suddenly, I heard a BELT BEING UNBUCKLED.

Ooooohhhh SHYTE!!!

SHYTE SHYTE SHYTE SHYTE SHYTE!!!!

The bed started to rock back and forth.

Paddy was being pushed up against me.

"I can't stay here any longer" I thought to myself, "I'm going to get jizz and shit sprayed all over my face and all over my lovely new sleeping bag."

So I said fcuk it. I got up. Without looking of course. And just walked out the door. They didn't stop.

I should have walked out in the first place but I really was in a state of shock. I've never even seen gay porn on a magazine or film, and to see gay porn for the first time ever in the form of my two good mates shagging right beside me....... phuck.

It's been two months now, and I've talked to paddy, barely. He says they only kissed. He says Jimmy started it.

I haven't talked to Jimmy since that night. It's been a good solid two months. We were good college mates. Lived together. Did the same classes as eachother. Now nothing. He knows I know. And I know he knows I know.

What the fcuk will I do? Will I call him and pretend nothing happened? Or should I ask him what the fcuk was he thinkin. Maybe we can have a chat about it.....

Now can ye see why it's not fit for personal issues? I wouldn't be able to tell the story seriously enough for personal issues anyways.

So what ya think?

Would you say anything to your mate?

OP has been banned (twice) it seems but that is one funny post !!

Two and a half years later Jimmy and Paddy could be happily together. If anyone has an update feel free to post it up but in the mean time any other "awkward" situations you'd like to share with the AH community.