lesbian sex

LegacyUser

I'm going unreg for this, but just looking for an opinion off you friendly lot..

So I've been single for ages, no time to even go out this year what with Uni.. but there's also another issue which I think has been stopping me from even bothering to get out there and meet girls. My last relationship was far from ideal on the sexual front. Basically, I feel she just had a really narrow idea of what lesbian sex should entail.

Before I go on, I should mention that I have never had an orgasm. This seems to shock the bejaysus out of everybody, but it's true. I mortified myself by asking my doc about it before and she seemed to suggest that it may be some psychological block or something.. but to be honest I love sex and I have never found it a problem that I don't climax.

I'm in my 20s and I know what I like in the bedroom by now, but my last gf (and not to say she was some mardy cow) sort of made me feel like I *should* be liking what she was suggesting or trying.. when I really couldn't. By that I mean penetration, just not into it! She also seemed to feel like she was the problem when it came to lack of orgasm. There's only so much explaining you can do to a person. And as I was very attentive to her needs and desires, I didn't really understand why it bothered her so much.


So my question is to the gay girls.. does anybody else find it difficult to meet somebody else that is understanding and sexually adventurous? Perhaps I've just unlucky so far. Or maybe I'm being the weird one..?

Killer_banana

I should mention that I have never had an orgasm. This seems to shock the bejaysus out of everybody, but it's true.

I'd just like to say that it's not that weird. I've heard this from quite a few people before.

baby and crumble

People are different.

That's really what all this boils down to. What makes me hotter than July might make you shrivel up your toes. BUT a massive part of a satisfying sex life is compromise. I think unless something morally offends you you should give it a bash at least once. (Because you just never know!) That said, if you really don't enjoy it, nobody should expect you to keep going or anything.

The psychology of sex is fascinating- we automatically do to others what we want ourselves- we unconsciously show what we desire by how we act around others. That means your ex was probably one of the women who really likes penetration, and can't imagine sexual pleasure without it. This kind of stuff can lead to a lot of problems, since as I said people are different. I know I can't stop myself from doing certain things in the bedroom that my partners doesn't get much joy from, simply because I would. But satisfying sex means give and take.

And it's hard to hear that 'you're doing it wrong' or something to that effect. Imagine how shaken your confidence would be if your ex really loved a certain activity, so you got really good at it, and it became your go-to move (we all have them!). All of a sudden maybe your single or in a different relationship. Now your moves don't work, and you have to shift your thinking. For someone with low self esteem that could be huge, that could be really scary. Add to that that so many peole see the orgasm as the 'point' of sex, that's a double whammy.

So basically, I'm not helping to answer your question, I'm just waffling as I tend to do. :rolleyes:

BUT you are not weird for a) not liking penetration or b) never having had an orgasm. I didn't either til I met my current partner at 21. And I know it sounds corny but once you're really relaxed in a good relationship, you'll be with someone who will want to please you by doing things YOU like done, which in turn will probably lead to an orgasm when you least expect. Then, I assure you, you'll know what the fuss was all about.

Aishae

thank you for sharing that you dont like penetration - i think it highlights how we all have different likes and dislikes and its not weird to feel that way!

LegacyUser

I love penetration, its my main thing tbh. but I would not orgasm from it alone, ever. i didn't think many women did

LegacyUser

People ARE different, no doubt about that.. I guess I just find the whole meeting a new girl and navigating the sexual side of it very unstraightforward. My first relationship, which lasted 3 years, was fantastic (the sexual side anyways). I reckon it was because we were both figuring stuff out etc (still didn't manage to orgasm, though it was never an issue then), but since then I have had some fairly uneventful and to be honest crap shags with girls I've met.. and I don't think that I'm the issue. I'm very aware and instinctive about what my partner wants, and I would consider myself very good in bed.. but unless I'm in a relationship, then this whole "compromise" just isn't going to happen.

I don't make a habit of one night stands, but often in the past, I've ended up having a fling with a girl I've met on a night out and it usually fizzles out for me because she's unwilling to take any hints I give her about what I want, or is just happy to go along for the ride (ah puns) and get what she wants. Or there is the other side of it.. where I've told my ex-girlf that I never climax, and this seemed to make her become self conscious, and then less attentive to my needs!

I don't really know where I'm going with this post, or even the original post. With my mates, nobody really opens up about their sex lives too much.. mainly because they're in long term relationships I guess. I don't believe I'm weird, and I'm not being majorly insecure about it all, it's just that now that I'm in the mood to meet somebody new, I'm feeling pretty apathetic about the sexual side of things.

I don't feel that gay girls open up about sex as much as the guys, and I know that it is and probably should be a private issue anyway.. but I feel that sex, which shouldn't be complicated, is made so by these expectations that everybody has about. That orgasm is the be all and end all of sex has obviously affected my relationships, but it has not been an issue for me not to.. If my other half didn't orgasm, then of course I'd want to know why and what I could do about it.. but if she said that she just can't, then I'd accept it and make sure that I still satisfied her..

End of rant.. I'll just forget about it until I actually meet somebody new!

zoegh wrote: »

People are different.

That's really what all this boils down to. What makes me hotter than July might make you shrivel up your toes. BUT a massive part of a satisfying sex life is compromise. I think unless something morally offends you you should give it a bash at least once. (Because you just never know!) That said, if you really don't enjoy it, nobody should expect you to keep going or anything.

The psychology of sex is fascinating- we automatically do to others what we want ourselves- we unconsciously show what we desire by how we act around others. That means your ex was probably one of the women who really likes penetration, and can't imagine sexual pleasure without it. This kind of stuff can lead to a lot of problems, since as I said people are different. I know I can't stop myself from doing certain things in the bedroom that my partners doesn't get much joy from, simply because I would. But satisfying sex means give and take.

And it's hard to hear that 'you're doing it wrong' or something to that effect. Imagine how shaken your confidence would be if your ex really loved a certain activity, so you got really good at it, and it became your go-to move (we all have them!). All of a sudden maybe your single or in a different relationship. Now your moves don't work, and you have to shift your thinking. For someone with low self esteem that could be huge, that could be really scary. Add to that that so many peole see the orgasm as the 'point' of sex, that's a double whammy.

So basically, I'm not helping to answer your question, I'm just waffling as I tend to do. :rolleyes:

BUT you are not weird for a) not liking penetration or b) never having had an orgasm. I didn't either til I met my current partner at 21. And I know it sounds corny but once you're really relaxed in a good relationship, you'll be with someone who will want to please you by doing things YOU like done, which in turn will probably lead to an orgasm when you least expect. Then, I assure you, you'll know what the fuss was all about.

Aishae

im kinda guessing - but maybe the girls you met at least - werent adventurous enough about the sex side of things (for you)? or maybe inm the case of the flings: they were treating it like many - getting satisfaction for themselves and not worrying about their partner.

personally im not very interested in sex. although i think that has a lot to do with just not meeting someone i want to go all out for. i just had a thought - maybe this is a common enough thought pattern?

a bit like the lay back and think of ireland (not trying to really get involved in the proceedings) thing.

Jupitermars

frustrated lesbot wrote: »

I'm going unreg for this, but just looking for an opinion off you friendly lot..

So I've been single for ages, no time to even go out this year what with Uni.. but there's also another issue which I think has been stopping me from even bothering to get out there and meet girls. My last relationship was far from ideal on the sexual front. Basically, I feel she just had a really narrow idea of what lesbian sex should entail.

Before I go on, I should mention that I have never had an orgasm. This seems to shock the bejaysus out of everybody, but it's true. I mortified myself by asking my doc about it before and she seemed to suggest that it may be some psychological block or something.. but to be honest I love sex and I have never found it a problem that I don't climax.

I'm in my 20s and I know what I like in the bedroom by now, but my last gf (and not to say she was some mardy cow) sort of made me feel like I *should* be liking what she was suggesting or trying.. when I really couldn't. By that I mean penetration, just not into it! She also seemed to feel like she was the problem when it came to lack of orgasm. There's only so much explaining you can do to a person. And as I was very attentive to her needs and desires, I didn't really understand why it bothered her so much.


So my question is to the gay girls.. does anybody else find it difficult to meet somebody else that is understanding and sexually adventurous? Perhaps I've just unlucky so far. Or maybe I'm being the weird one..?

Hi, can i ask if you orgasm / climax when you self service so to speak? If so maybe you could convey what you like in that sense to when your partner is with you.

I think if someone doesnt orgasm ... there is a maybe dinted ego / lack of confidence / questions such as: are they not attracted to me? Am i not doing something right? Am i useless at sex ? kind of thoughts running around in the head of the person who is trying to satisfy their partners needs. And just as you like to satisfy your partner they like to satisfy you.

Personally I don't dislike penetration but i never orgasm from it, i like it as it can be exhhilarating as part of sex but at the same time it doesn't do it for me. Girls that I have been with seem to want penetrationa nd get off on it whereas i like the softer approach on me. I suppose I would advise that yes everyone is different, and try not to be scared about getting into a relationship / dating because of sex issues, sex is not the bee all and end all in a relationship but as long as you can communicate to each other your likes and dislikes to a certain degree you should be okay.

Aishae

oh yeah.. about orgasm. ive read many an article saying that the vast majority of women dont orgasm from sex most of the time (most articles were based on polls and that) it seemed to be the case when penetration alone was relied upon. because women need more stimulation than that. and we all respond to different kinds of stimulation so you can experiment. personally i favour the softer approach too. i used to think i was in the minority there. maybe i am. but it seems im not alone. its not a bad thing. keeps it interesting if you like different things. if you mix it up so you both get what you want somtimes, id say that keeps your sex life more fresh!

gcgirl

The orgasm is all about the clitoris, all women straight, lesbian, bisexual or what ever do not achieve an orgasm purly by penetration, though if you your on top and riding your partner like ruby Walsh does his horses your suffently rubbing your clit enough to Acheive that peak. Oral is one of the best ways along with those special 2 fingers or even The Silver Bullet excellent for those leg shaking orgasms. But like a few have said get to know what you like basically lock yourself in your room and see what you like and see if you can bring yourself to orgasm

shoegirl

frustrated lesbot wrote: »

So my question is to the gay girls.. does anybody else find it difficult to meet somebody else that is understanding and sexually adventurous? Perhaps I've just unlucky so far. Or maybe I'm being the weird one..?

Its quite difficult to find women in Ireland who are relaxed and easy going about their sexuality - gay and straight.

A lot of women (of all sexual tastes) have confided in me that they have never orgasmed with somebody else - some of them in their 40s.
One acquaintance in her 40s once said to me that she found younger women very inexperienced and poor in bed. Now I have to disagree, I find a fair amount of women of all cultures and ages are not perhaps very responsive, but then it doesn't mean they are anxious about it either.

I guess we are all different and it can take a long time to meet somebody you truly click with.