Pattern of guys asking for my number and not texting keeps repeating itself

LegacyUser

Hi everyone. This hasn't bothered me up until lately. I am 24 and not necessarily out to meet someone but if I do thats great. On most nights out I would get approached by guys. Some of them wouldn't be my type and if they ask for my number I would be just honest and say why I wasn't giving it. If I have had a good time with a guy and he asks for my number I would give it. Normally, it wouldn't really bother me if they text or not but lately it is getting to me.
Since January I have given my number to 3 or 4 guys who asked for it and either they just texted that night when they got home or not at all so I didn't give my number to guys for while. Just thought whats the point when they don't text. Then this weekend, went out met a nice guy had a laugh and we seemed to get on well. Got a text from him later that night to say good night so I text back the following evening and just made general conversation. I signed off when I was going to bed and he said he would talk to me again. This was Sunday night and I have heard nothing since.
Now I know I might get slated for this because there are much bigger problems but when this is the 5th time it has happened since Christmas I start wondering why is it happening to me. Even my friends have made a joke of it at this stage so I never even told them I swapped numbers with this guy. Don't know what I am looking for but I needed to vent I guess as I am just a bit fed up of it at this stage.

John Mason

why dont you just phone him

seamus

Dutch courage.

They text when they're drunk, but then the next day they get "the fear" and don't text again/don't text back because they're slightly afraid to and leave it, thinking they'll text back later.

Then they forget to text back, a few days pass and they realise, "Too long has passed now to text back", and they decide to drop it.

This is the problem with texts.

I have two suggestions for you;

1. When you give a guy your number, tell him that if he texts you, you won't answer, instead he has to ring you.
2. Ring the guy(s) instead of texting him. And don't do it the next day. If you're out on a Saturday night, he'll be hungover and a little fragile on Sunday and will screen his calls. He won't be "on form" to speak to you the next day. Ring him on Monday evening; sometime between 9pm and 10pm.

cantdecide

+1

If you're afraid to ring, do the 08* 5 *** **** voicemail thing and follow up with the 'oh, you must have bad reception' bit. Assuming he's not one of these people that think that voicemails are something that other people use, he'll know you are interested in chatting again.

LegacyUser

To be honest if I met a guy out and he rang me so soon I would get a bit freaked out so can imagine he would be the same.
I just don't get why he would say he would talk to me again if he clearly isn't.
I don't understand why he asked for my number, texted me when he got home that night and hasn't text since. I texted him Sunday, he said he would talk to me again so I think it is up to him. I know this sounds ridiculous but it is getting to the stage where I am never going to give my number to a guy anymore. It didn't bother me too much before but when it has happened again and again, it really messes with your confidence.

cantdecide

You get approached a lot. That's not exactly a bad sign. is it? I think virtually every guy has had a crisis of confidence over following up with a girl in days after a night out. It's like approaching her for the first time all over again. Was she as funny/ interesting/ pretty as I remember. Did I make a fool of myself?

There are no end of reasons why he may not have texted back. Maybe he thought you were being too cool with him or maybe he thinks you are just being polite. If you like the guy, I hope you know you must show him. Guys need reassurance sometimes.

Text is not the way to do these things too, btw. You want to let him know it's okay to call. Text at first but tell him you have to go shortly and can't text for a while because ...... but if you have time to call, you're free for a little while before you go.

I think relying on texting might be just sticking to your comfort zone a bit.

LegacyUser

Thanks cantdecide. I guess the reason he didn't text back was just that he wasn't into me because I texted first on the Sunday so I think I made it clear I was interested. It's just so frustrating this keeps happening. Like I don't go out looking for a boyfriend and it wouldn't bother me if guys didnt ask for my number, it's just when they ask for it, text once and then nothing. It's hard to know what I did wrong over the course of a few text messages to make him not text. It's sort of laughable at this stage.

cantdecide

It's possible that the Saturday night OP and the Monday evening OP are very different people? Maybe they think think the have-a-laugh girl they're expecting has given away to someone altogether more grounded and/ or reserved?

I do suspect that meeting someone nice might be higher on your agenda than you're letting on. If so, you could try alternative ways of meeting guys like online dating etc?

I do stand over what I said about abandoning texting in these situations. I'd just use text for supplementary flirtation. The main event should be calls or dates, IMO.

LegacyUser

Why'd you leave it 'til the following evening to text him back? Fan of playing games, are we?

If you're meeting these guys in clubs/pubs, you have to remember these places are meat markets and most people looking for something steady aren't looking for them there. If you're looking for something a bit more than just flings with guys I'd suggest looking elsewhere.

LegacyUser

they were all buzzing off alcohol when they showed an interest in you.. their brains were full of endorphins.

the next day, they are hungover, their brains are depleted of endorphins, they have less of a sexual drive and they generally don't feel as motivated to pursue you as they did the night before.

dceire

Well on the flip side I'm a guy and have had some text related experiences with you women folk these days.

I was out the other week, got talking to a girl I liked and we seemed to have a good time. I gave her my number as I was leaving and she text me when I was in the taxi. The following evening I text her and haven't heard a word from her since.

A few weeks prior to all of this I was out and again hit it off really well with a girl. This time she wouldn't give me her number at all and pretty much said if I am really interested that she's a regular in this particular establishment. A few girl friends of mine have since told me that this is because of guys getting numbers off girls and not following up on them, like in the OP.

Where then does this leave genuine guys like me who, sober or not, only asks for numbers when genuinely interested.

LegacyUser

Dceire- it is so frustrating no matter what side you are on. I wouldnt mind if they didnt ask for my number at least then i would have no expectations. Like do guys feel if they have spent a while chatting to a girl that they have to take her number? I can definitely identify with what that girl told you. I will probably be saying it to the next guy i meet out because i just couldnt be bothered giving out my number at this stage. It is totally unfair that the guy who is genuinely interested in a girl like yourself will be refused a number. But i can only speak for myself that 4 out of 4 of the last guys who asked for my number didnt text and i dont think i will take a chance on the 5th.!! Hope things improve for you dceire.

dceire

I completely appreciate where you are coming from but I guess I'm just saying to at least try not to tar us all with the same brush. Before implementing any blanket ban, maybe just try to use your best judgement and be more selective when handing your number out.

That's the best advice I can muster

seriouslysweet

I asked my cousin about this, she's in a really happy relationship but was single a while. She said she never contacted a man, wanted to know he was truly interested so gave her number and forgot about it.

LegacyUser

Hi op, same problem, give number, never text, it does leave your confidence a little shaky..

Poor Craythur

Be brave, OP.

You get in contact with them. This whole business about men always making the first move is swiftly becoming outdated.

I've been brave a few times this years, and have been pleasantly surprised with the results. Even the knock-backs were fine.

shellyboo

nevertext wrote: »

I texted him Sunday, he said he would talk to me again so I think it is up to him.

What is this, the 1950s? Text HIM back. Seriously, he's sitting at home thinking the exact same thing as you. Women don't have a monopoly on fear of rejection.

Grow a pair and text the guy if you like him.

LegacyUser

So i bit the bullet and texted him during the week. I had a bit of drink on me hence the dutch courage and at that point i was thinking what the hell. He texted back later that night when i had gone to bed. I texted him back the next day and we were texting over and back until bed time fairly frequently. I said i was going to bed and he said talk soon. I replied in a joking way if we do talk soon i wont be texting first again. And he just texted back ok so and a smiley face. I take it that means he doesnt really care whether we talk again or not. So havent heard anything since and not expecting to. I honestly think if the guy is into a girl the contact is at least 50/50 and thats why i felt it was up to him to make contact because i made it the first time. Anyway lesson learned.... Dont give out my number for about a year!!!