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Still a Virgin

  • 25-03-2011 8:42am
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026
    ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all,

    I'm an 18 year old lad and I am still a virgin, now this doesn't worry me all that much as I have had chances to lose it but just haven't been too pushed about it until recently when I've been starting to see a few girls properly.

    It worries me that I might not be good enough,big enough,whatever,all that stupid stuff people think about...especially with the fact that a lot of my friends have already lost it, and theres a good chance the vast majority of girls I'll see will have aswell.

    I was a fairly late developer for this stuff,being pretty luckless until about a year ago when things started to get better on this front, just I feel like I'm missing out not having had sex yet and the longer it goes on the harder it will be to lose it.

    I don't know what I'm looking for here,maybe just someone can tell me that I'm not the exception or that there isn't anything to worry about?


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Comments

  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 Dravokivich
    CMod ✭✭✭✭


    i first had sex when i was 23. bit of fumbling around and hip shaking and the job was done.

    you arent going to be great at many things the first time you do them, dont worry about it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,598 prinz
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    I don't know what I'm looking for here,maybe just someone can tell me that I'm not the exception or that there isn't anything to worry about?

    You're not and there isn't. You are 18. Enjoy life, don't stress about it. You're not missing out on a whole lot yet mate.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,952 magneticimpulse
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    Majority of people are. I only had my 1st kiss at 18 in college!!! I later spoke to friends about it years later and they said they only had their 1st kiss at 18 too and we were all very attractive women...so I wouldnt even worry that your still a virgin....people are still just having their 1st kiss at 18 let alone anything else.

    The point is...it will happen eventually, but like many things in life, dont wish your life away. What next? What happens when you think, oh know im not married, i dont have kids etc. Dont worry, there is plenty of time.

    Sure most of my friends now in early 30's are still single...so theres lots of years of relationships, partners to experience etc. I wouldnt be in a hurry about it. Just enjoy now and life.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 Overheal
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    "still a virgin" at 18 doesn't mean BS. Except that It's Working, and kids are less likely to engage in wild monkey sex lest they become one of those hoodied creatures pushing a pram down the sidewalk. It's really not as uncommon as you think, the ones having sex younger than that seem to be the exception, not the example.

    Don't worry about performance or size. Performance can be all rather primal and natural. And if you think you're small you're forgetting that women come in different sizes too. And then theres the foreplay.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,770 Bottle_of_Smoke
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    Get a basic idea of the structure of the vagina before you have sex. Fumbling around during foreplay can be disconcerting. Porn can be good for this because given the amount of porn out there you see a large variety of vagina types and they tend to be shaven. Wikipedia helpful too.

    But if you do use porn for this be aware:

    The noises the girls make are mostly fake
    The penises the guys have are much larger than the average guy


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  • OP: I know worry doesn't simply stop when someone tells you 'don't worry'; really, though, you have nothing to worry about.

    My first general tip is to slow down. Don't rush into any sexual activity and don't let a girl try to rush you! Getting to know your girlfriend really well before getting intimate is indispensible. In the meantime, keep to holding hands and little kisses. Respect her enough to hold back and put your manly energies (!) to use by exercising instead. If you're worried that she'll leave you for not going further, explain to her that you deeply respect her and you want to get to know her better. If I were eighteen again, I'd be delighted if my boyfriend said that to me!! Once she understands that you're patient and respect her, she should be happy too. If not, then she may not have enough self-respect. If she leaves, let her go.

    Secondly: when you do go all the way, if you have behaved as above, she shouldn't mind that you're inexperienced at all. Guys who save themselves are rare to come by, so she would have good reason to be very happy simply because it's you and you waited for her.

    Also, in contrast to one of the posters above: avoid porn like the plague. It doesn't help with anything. As BoS mentioned, the people in it are actors and it gives the viewer very unrealistic ideals. This website is a good resource for learning more on the topic.

    Finally, I don't know if you're Catholic or not (I am). Irrespective of whether you are or not, do have a look at this site and see their arguments.

    Best wishes!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,952 magneticimpulse
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    Get a basic idea of the structure of the vagina before you have sex. Fumbling around during foreplay can be disconcerting. Porn can be good for this because given the amount of porn out there you see a large variety of vagina types and they tend to be shaven. Wikipedia helpful too.

    But if you do use porn for this be aware:

    The noises the girls make are mostly fake
    The penises the guys have are much larger than the average guy

    Thats not very helpful. People can still have sex without looking at porn...hey i managed and never looked at porn in my life. Also, you say they "tend to be shaven"....now your giving the impression that majority of women should resemble a porn star, with shaven bits. What happens if a girl doesnt have shaven body parts? Is the OP meant to think thats odd...because it doesnt resemble porn? Porn is nothing like a loving healthy relationship and by comparing the 2 the OP can end up with very destorted visions of how "normal" women behave if he compares them to porn.

    Also how would you know the noises girls make during sex are mostly fake? Maybe they just make fake noises during sex with you...but thats a huge generalisation.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,572 Canard
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    I think what B_O_S meant is that it'll be easier to see the structure of the vagina because it would probably be shaven, which is true.
    And it is mostly fake, of course it is, for the sake of the video. Of course no one needs to look at porn beforehand but it cant do any harm.




  • ^
    |
    Textbook diagrams could be helpful, in that case.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,770 Bottle_of_Smoke
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    Thats not very helpful. People can still have sex without looking at porn...hey i managed and never looked at porn in my life. Also, you say they "tend to be shaven"....now your giving the impression that majority of women should resemble a porn star, with shaven bits. What happens if a girl doesnt have shaven body parts? Is the OP meant to think thats odd...because it doesnt resemble porn? Porn is nothing like a loving healthy relationship and by comparing the 2 the OP can end up with very destorted visions of how "normal" women behave if he compares them to porn.

    Also how would you know the noises girls make during sex are mostly fake? Maybe they just make fake noises during sex with you...but thats a huge generalisation.

    Don't know where to begin with this. I assumed the OP isn't retarded and knows porn is not a reflection of real life. You know the way most non retarded people realise James Bond is not an accurate reflection of British military intelligence.

    Read the whole post again, as someone else pointed out it was to get a better idea of female genitalia. He is worried because he is inexperienced.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 Ickle Magoo
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    Finally, I don't know if you're Catholic or not (I am). Irrespective of whether you are or not, do have a look at this site and see their arguments.

    The OP was looking for advice regarding the situation they are in, rather than arguments about what they should/shouldn't be doing. Can you please refrain from moralising regarding the situations posters are in when on this forum.

    Many thanks


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 LegacyUser
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    Get a basic idea of the structure of the vagina before you have sex. Fumbling around during foreplay can be disconcerting. Porn can be good for this because given the amount of porn out there you see a large variety of vagina types and they tend to be shaven. Wikipedia helpful too.

    But if you do use porn for this be aware:

    The noises the girls make are mostly fake
    The penises the guys have are much larger than the average guy

    I *strongly* disagree. You could really hurt a girl if you tried to have sex with her in the way most porn actors do. You don't just lob it into a girl and pump away hell-for-leather.

    OP, the first few times will be fumbling and awkward. Not much you can do about that. Just make sure you talk to the girl - get her to show you what she likes and vice versa.

    I would have guessed that less than half my school year had lost their virginity by the time they graduated. My mates are otherwise smart, thoughtful guys, but I know for a fact that some of them lied about having sex.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 Overheal
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    I *strongly* disagree. You could really hurt a girl if you tried to have sex with her in the way most porn actors do. You don't just lob it into a girl and pump away hell-for-leather.
    I'm pretty sure he was just referring to cunnilingus and the anatomy of a vagina; not power-drilling

    which may be a moot point anyway: it's not a like a girl is going to silently judge you during intercourse like its a state exam. She'll give you her own advice.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,061 leggo
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    Get a basic idea of the structure of the vagina before you have sex. Fumbling around during foreplay can be disconcerting. Porn can be good for this because given the amount of porn out there you see a large variety of vagina types and they tend to be shaven. Wikipedia helpful too.

    Will ya stop. Jaysus he'll be more likely to give a scientific analysis than an orgasm if he listens to that. Wikipedia...really??

    Porn can be OKAY to get a general gist of what you're going for, but as other posters said it can also give you unrealistic expectations.

    To answer your main question, no there's nothing wrong with being a virgin at 18. I know plenty of people who were. Not many of them advertised that fact because it wasn't seen as 'cool' to admit it, but they were and there was nothing wrong with it. It happens for different people at different times. Don't let what you may think others are saying pressure you because they likely don't live a life to be envious of if they ARE judging you to begin with.

    Just enjoy life and let it happen whenever it happens. The only reason people say 'The longer it gets, the harder it becomes' is because it becomes a mental stumbling block the more you focus on it. If you're okay with this, knowing now that it's not strange, then this won't be an issue.

    By the sound of things, you're starting to get into the swing of seeing people etc so you likely won't have long to wait. So just enjoy the ride (figuratively and literally).


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,770 Bottle_of_Smoke
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    leggo wrote: »
    Will ya stop. Jaysus he'll be more likely to give a scientific analysis than an orgasm if he listens to that. Wikipedia...really??

    Porn can be OKAY to get a general gist of what you're going for, but as other posters said it can also give you unrealistic expectations.

    It has real pictures too not just diagrams


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,832 Blatter
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    I don't know why people are advising the OP not to look at porn because the odds are that as a young male, he probably watches it regularly.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,061 leggo
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    Don't think anyone is saying NOT to look at it...just don't look at it as an exhaustive, realistic sex education.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,832 Blatter
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    leggo wrote: »
    Don't think anyone is saying NOT to look at it...just don't look at it as an exhaustive, realistic sex education.

    Most amateur porn wouldn't be far off realistic.

    Suppose nobody really looks at that tho tis all hardcore, although amateur is widely available.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 LegacyUser
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    I was 19 when I lost mine. I had boyfriends before but was happy that I did it with someone I cared about (we were going out nearly 3 months!) as when there are some type of feelings involved, it's about being intimate and sharing a moment with that person, rather than just having sex and thus the likelihood is that you'll get to repeat and improve with that person! And the more your confidence grows, the more fun you'll have!

    If I've learnt anything about the experience, and I probably sound boring to some (!), but most of my female friends agree: average size and average duration is just fine by us!

    Oh and a little bit of eye contact and kisses are nice during the act: it lets her know that you are aware that you are doing the deed with her - some guys make you feel like you could just be a blow up doll!

    Also, remember to enjoy yourself - have a laugh because whoever the lucky girl is, I guarantee that she'll be just as nervous, whether she is a virgin or not.

    OH AND FOR GOD'S SAKE USE PROTECTION!!!!! It's definitely a factor to getting a repeat performance!


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