Moral dilemma - drink driving.

LegacyUser

Please don't berate me for this, I need to ask in advance.

Ok so this guy who I'll call Sean has recently become friends with my boyfriend, who I'll call Mark.

Sean has been throwing some work Mark's way while Mark is stuck for money. They hang out too, obviously, and I've been there a few times. The thing is, Sean went driving to the shop the other night after drinking about half a litre of vodka. Now, there was pretty much nothing I could do as I didn't realise what he was doing til after he'd gone and the shop was literally 2 minutes away so even if I called the police, he'd have been back and everything before they got there.

But, then I found out he was up in court on a DUI recently. Clearly he hasn't learned his lesson since he's happy to do it again.

If I see him doing it again, should I call the police? The thing is, he'll be back at the house and all by the time they'd arrive because he only drives extremely short distances (distances he could very easily walk in 5 minutes) so I don't know if they'd do anything without proof?

Doogieboogie

IMO, there is absolutely never any justification for driving under the influence of drink - and I mean one or two pints. Driving after half a bottle of vodka could kill someone. Tell him (and your BF) in no uncertain terms that if you see him do it again you'll call the guards. And then follow through on your threat if he does.

(and before anyone starts - I live in a rural area, I have a car, and I like a few scoops. I have never, ever had a drink and then drove, and I never will. I do not believe it can ever be justified)

Also should have added - do not let the fact that your BF is getting work from this guy cloud the issue. Money is not worth someone getting maimed or killed. What if Sean asked Mark to pop down to the shops with him, and that's when he crashed, killing your boyfriend? It's not worth it, especially if the shop is two minutes away.

dilallio

Was he convicted and banned from driving after his recent DUI?

At best, drinking and driving is immature & moronic.

Most people who end up in court for this offence would take time to reflect and realise the absolute stupidity of their actions.
Your bf's friend is not one of them, and if he continues this behaviour, he may end up hurting or killing himself or someone else.

You are correct in assuming that the next time he does it, it might be too late to call the guards.

There's not much point in confronting him - if he is still drinking & driving after a court-case then he won't listen to you.

Call the gardai now instead - see if you can speak to the garda who arrested him in his recent DUI. Most gardai have seen the horrible consequences of drink-driving and will follow up on this, by either having a chat or keeping a close eye on him in the future.

Do NOT feel guilty about this - if he is not drinking when driving then he has nothing to worry about.

You may save him or someone else getting seriously injured or worse. He will not realise it, but you will be doing him one of the biggest favours ever.

Permabear

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elbee

OP, I agree with the above posters that if he's banned, you should report him, and if you get a chance, you should report him.

Also, I have some friends who drink and drive - thankfully not many. Several of us have made a pact that we will not get into a car with them. EVER. The fact is, if they pick me up at 3 in the afternoon, I don't know that they haven't been drinking and I can't trust them to make that decision for me.

It hasn't come up for me yet because - again thankfully - I don't see these people often. But it's nice to know that some of the mutual friends I know they see a lot will be safe when they're out with them. I also live in hope that if enough people consider them irresponsible drivers and refuse to accept lifts from them (they live somewhere quite rural and remote so in some cases that simply means not seeing them) they will realise that their attitudes are not the norm and consider changing.

Not holding out much hope, to be honest. But I do think you and your BF should agree with each other not to get into a car with this guy.

There's not much the gardai can/will do if you ring up saying he drank and drove. There wont be proof left by the time they get onto it. It also has the potential to cause you a lot of social problems if you're seen as calling the gardai on someone. Best bet is to let him no you think it's a d*ckish thing to do, give out to him, and tell your boyfriend you're completely shocked that he does it. It probably wont stop him but it might help.

Permabear

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mariebeth

OP, I think that if it happens again you should call the police. Even if they don't do anything about it, although I think they would take it pretty seriously, at least you will know that you have done what you can. There is always the chance that he could kill an innocent person with his drunken driving, hopefully it wouldn't come to that, but at least you would know you had done something about it.

tawnyowl

true-or-false wrote: »

There's not much the gardai can/will do if you ring up saying he drank and drove. There wont be proof left by the time they get onto it.

Even if they don't have proof this time, it's something they need to know - that someone is driving drunk.

It also has the potential to cause you a lot of social problems if you're seen as calling the gardai on someone.

We're talking about a man who has been up in court for a DUI and driven while drunk on at least one other occasion - this is a very serious matter.

Best bet is to let him no you think it's a d*ckish thing to do, give out to him, and tell your boyfriend you're completely shocked that he does it. It probably wont stop him but it might help.

Given what the OP has told us about the man in question, it doesn't seem likely that merely telling him that his behaviour is unacceptable is enough.

Overheal

I dont know if it applies in Ireland but in the states I imagine that he'd be very drunk on half a litre of vodka. The law here distinguishes between DUI, and DWI - Driving While Intoxicated, which carries much harsher sentences as obviously that much BAC ends up in a mucher higher rate of road fatality. There are some drivers who will ignore the morality of 1 or 2 beers, but half a litre of vodka and driving is not exactly in the same playing field.

Personally I wouldn't get in the car with him if he had been drinking, and if he plans on drinking I would ask to take his keys away. For all of 2 minutes down the road I don't understand why walking would be any hassle. It's what we all used to do as kids anyway.

The moral thing to do, imo, if you knew he was heading somewhere intoxicated would be to call the gards and let them know his destination and when he left. They might be able to catch him en route and test him. In the long term though do you want to associate with someone that reckless, if he is going to display no signs of change?

kevin99

Why don't you talk to him in front of your boyfriend when he is sober?
Tell him you disapprove of him drinking and driving and that he is commiting a serious offence.
Tell him neither you nor your bf will have anyting to do with him if he continues to drink and drive.
Hopefully, your bf will be MAN enough to concur with you regardless of whether he loses business with this guy.

Maybe download some photos from the National Road Authority depicting motorists, passengers and pedestrians who have been killed or maimed by drink drivers. Hand them to him and ask him for his comments. Tell him bluntly he will cause similar mayhem and wreck other innocent people's lives if he continues to drink and drive.

If he still refuses to stop then get rid of him out of your lives.
Finally, how would you feel if your bf's friend drove under the influence to the nearby offy and struck and killed somebody?
You would forever tell yourselves you should have stopped him driving that night.
Be firm and direct and upfront with this guy.