Moving on

LegacyUser

Okay, I haven’t posted in here before so I’ll try and get to the point. I’m 22 y/o, have lived in the same place all my life and soon will be leaving the country for a job. As college ends and moving time draws near it is starting to get me down.

I should be ecstatic about the job. It is a graduate program with a prestigious firm in the UK and has an amazing training program in the States, all expenses paid, for the first two months. I got other offers here in Ireland and in every way this is literally multiple times more attractive. It has been my dream job for years and when going through the various grad recruitment processes this was the only one I had any passion for.

So what am I bitching about? Well since the practicalities have started to hit home I have been worrying about starting afresh in a new city. I have no network over there and the whole thing is very intimidating. When I get intimidated I tend to withdraw into myself a bit whereas usually I’m really outgoing and friendly with no shortage of friends. I worry I will be lonely or find it hard to make friends, especially since in my job I will be expected to be very confident and outgoing. In fact it is one of the things my new employers said they liked about me at interview.

What is really eating me up is leaving my friends, the people I enjoy spending time with, who get me. One friend in particular I am particularly sad about leaving. We have known each other since childhood and during the teenage years we have been through thick and thin together. I can’t think of a week gone by without seeing him. It kills me that I won’t be able to see him much anymore and it is my own doing. I know people say true friendships last but the truth is when you’re not physically near someone it is hard to maintain such a strong friendship. People change quickly, especially in their early twenties. I wonder if I am taking this so hard because I have stronger feelings than just friendship for him.

So I guess I just wanted to share that and ask if anyone had any experience or advice on this situation? It seems kind of stupid reading it back to myself given the hard times others are experiencing, but it does hurt. Any responses are appreciated.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

borabora

Hi OP,

it's perfectly natural that you feel nervous. This is a big life change for you. But now is the time to do it! In words from 'Fight Club' - this is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. Live it! You'll get on great during your two months in the States. I've lived in the U.S. twice and they LOVE Irish people over there! Also, people are a lot more forward dating wise so that's a big plus!

After that you'll be in the U.K., a stone's throw away. You could come home once a month if you wanted, easily. I imagine you are one of a new intake? I'm sure you'll make loads of work friends in your new job. Treat the U.S. as a holiday and life experience to be enjoyed. I'm sure the U.K. will be absolutely grand. I know about 30 Irish people living in London at the moment, and they're having the time of their lives.

Skype is a great thing. Just keep in touch with your friend as much as possible. Your relationship will change while you're away but true friends never fade. Good luck OP, I'm sure you're going to get on brilliantly. And well done on the job!

magneticimpulse

Sounds brillant, what company is it with? I'll go in a second if your having 2nd thoughts

LegacyUser

Hi all, OP here

Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate them. You are, of course, right that I need to focus on the positive of the situation and I am going to do that. It is a great opportunity and I intend to make the most of it. I will be part of a group intake so I guess everyone will be in the same boat and that will be a great opportunity to bond as a team. You have a good point about being able to fly home and keep in touch regularly and although it won't be as frequent, I guess the occasions I do get to see them it will be more meaningful. Also, I realise I'm at the stage now where chapter 1 of life is over and it is time to move onto chpater 2 - new people, new city, new job and everyone is in the same boat. So thanks, you have given me some good perspective.

magneticimpulse, thanks for the offer but I'm not giving this one up - I'm actually really looking forward to it despite the (natural?) feelings associated with leaving home for the first time! Also, it was really hard to get.

Ickle Magoo

magneticimpulse, the OP posted to get advice not to provide business opportunities to other posters.

Please offer constructive advice or kindly refrain from posting.

Many thanks

cantdecide

No matter how positive or negative you feel about any completely new experience, your expectations will have little resemblance to reality. The solution is that any time that you're becoming worried, or apprehensive etc, just distract yourself. I know that's easier said than done but do your best just to put all the noise to one side. You know it's the right thing to do so just do it and stop overthinking it.

Cliché alert: As regard your friend(s), I'm 29 and I have friends that no matter how much time we spend apart, we always pick up where we left off and I feel just as close with them no matter how far apart we are. Don't worry about your friendships diminishing. The ones that really matter are going to be just as strong if you literally don't see each other for years. You're about to find out which of your friendships are really worth the most to you.