What to do?

LegacyUser

Ive been with my GF for just over 2 years and love her to bits. We get on great, always have a laugh, like the same things, music etc. She has a great sense of humour and whats better is we have the same kind of humour (if ya know what I mean). The only problem is... its long distance

We plan on moving in together in the next 3 months but we need to decide weather she moves to me, or me to her. Prop is cheaper but few jobs where she is and the opposite where I am. We both have jobs so one of us would have to quit.

Another problem (The main one if I'm honest) is my mother, she has been a single mother for 23 years and it has always been just her and me at home, I dont know if I could move 3 hours away and leave her completely alone, atleast if I was local I could call in everyday or couple days. My mother and I both know I'll be gone soon but 3 hours is a long way and would mean only visiting every 2nd/3rd weekend. My GF understands this and told me to think about it but i am at a complete loss. I dont think if I didnt move it would end the relationship but my GF isnt too keen on moving to where I am because of prop prices and couple other small things,

Any advice is welcome, not used to writing this stuff so sorry if I went on a bit

LegacyUser

It doesn't matter how cheap it is there, if there's no work around then surely you can't move out there?

It makes a lot more sense that she moves up to you. Sounds like she's from the country and you're from a city, Dublin/Cork/Galway/etc? If so, then it works out even better because despite the increased costs of living, at least you'll both be able to get work, and living in such an area can only be a good experience for her, even though she might initially have issues with the place (despite not living there).

I presume you mean rent, as opposed to the actual price of property, right?

Just on an unrelated note, if you only spend the odd weekend together, I would suggest spending a summer together away or something similar before moving in together. People are a lot different when you're living with them and you don't want to find yourself in a situation whereby you move down the country a few hours from your mother, get a lease or more and work and then have everything go pear shaped.

What is stopping her moving in with you and your mother for a while, to see how things go?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply,

Its not as if there would be no work there just less. Yes your right, Im Dublin and shes in the country (Not in the sticks, fairly big place with an IT college, plenty of shops, bars, restraunts, shopping centre etc)

Rent is about €750-800 for 1 bed apart locally for me and €400 for 3 bed house with her, thats one of the main reasons to move to her. Her job is also alot more secure than mine at the moment

We were going to get a 6 month lease (hopefully) and see how it goes relationship wise. I get what your saying but I think we'll be fine . Its over 2 years and we both hate being away from each other, I think its time we took the big step, if it doesnt work out atleast we can say we tried.

We've been away on holidays together a few times (I know not the same as living together) but we have spent more than just weekends together. I recently spent 2 weeks in her parents house with her and we got on great, litteraly around each other for 2 weeks solid, except when I went with her dad for a few pints :P

The summer thing wont work as we have financial commitments at home and both of us quitting our jobs would not be good. (I assume you mean abroad for the summer?)

My mam loves her but I currently live in a small 2 bed bungalow with my mother, they arent made for 3 people

TBH Im not really worried about us as a couple but more about my mother She wouldnt say anything to me but I know she will find it very difficult with me so far away, whereas, like I said before, atleast if I was local I could call in every so often

LegacyUser

Ah, quick and thorough reply, great

I think you should stay in Dublin, to be totally honest. As you said, your main worry is your mother and I can totally understand where you're coming from. Your GF could move up here, you could go rent somewhere local and still be near enough to your mother to be there for her. As time goes on and she gets more used to living alone, you could look at moving out of Dublin then if your GF really hates it here. However, I think initially at least you should be around for your mother.

I also think you need to take yourself into consideration a bit more. Moving into a small country area, despite how big it may be relative to other country areas, would be a huge thing for you to get used to. Sure, moving into the city would be a big deal for her, but sure Dublin is great and everyone should live here at least once. However, I still think you'd have a much bigger time moving into such an area than she would moving into Dublin. Even, if you consider, the proximity of exes and the like.

There's also more work here for you should something happen your current job.

I think overall you stand to lose an awful lot more by moving there than she does here, which is what it comes down to at the end of the day. You could always look for something in the middle i.e if she lives in Cork and you Dublin, you could try to set up in Waterford or something. However, as I said, I think you're better off staying in Dublin and having her move up.

It certainly sounds like moving in together is worth a shot, I hope you can do so on terms that both of you are happy with:)