One fine day in the middle of the night

My grandfather, a true blue Dub would have been 95 today (he died about twenty years ago). Just got to thinking about him for the first time in ages and I particularly remembered this nonsense verse he used to recite to us.
I googled it, but none of the versions I saw resemble his version closely even though I only vaguely remember it. I've never lived in Dublin, nor have I heard it from anyone outside Dublin.
I presume he would have picked it up in the twenties or thirties, just wondering does anyone know/remember a particular Dublin version?
Not exactly the most important topic ever, but its doing my head in and hope someone can be of assistance.

spurious

Ours went

One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead men got up to fight
Two blind men looked on
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and both shot the other

...um..can't remember the rest - something about police.

Cheers spurious. There was something like "two dummies started to speak", and a punchline; "a pack of lies". Anyone else?

admiralofthefleet

my granda, like yours, was a real dub.
he used to tell me this rhyme:

last night, in the early hours of the morning
an empty car full of bricks
ran over a dead cat and nearly killed it
now its lying in the intensive care in patrick dunnes
waiting to get discharged any minute

i miss him and his wise cracks

Dyr

I was talking to someone recently about the various nonsense rhymes we were told as kids I can remember the following

"there was was a little man and he had a little gun..."

"shake hands brother, you're a rogue and I'm another..."

"mammy daddy uncle dick went to london on a stick..."

"did you ever hear the likes of the triplets on the bike..."

and one that ended " ...a drum, a gun, a kick in the bum and chase around the table."

I dunno if this is a dublin thing or just an english thing

scarlet_mandy

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

my granda, like yours, was a real dub.
he used to tell me this rhyme:

last night, in the early hours of the morning
an empty car full of bricks
ran over a dead cat and nearly killed it
now its lying in the intensive care in patrick dunnes
waiting to get discharged any minute

i miss him and his wise cracks

The one we were told went very similar, can't remember the first line but the rest went:

an empty car full of bricks
ran over a dead cat and nearly killed it
it's in hospital now, in the best of health
ready to die any minute

Haven't heard it in years, now its all starting to come back

Shazanne

spurious wrote: »

Ours went

One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead men got up to fight
Two blind men looked on
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and both shot the other

...um..can't remember the rest - something about police.

God, that brought a tear to my eye. My Dad used to say this to me when I was a child - and I knew it so well then but cant remember all of it now.
He died almost two years ago and spent most of his life in his native Tipperary - so it's not just a Dublin thing.
Thanks for that special memory:)

neil_hosey

One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other,
One was blind and the other couldn't see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"
A paralysed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came to arrest the two dead boys,
If you don't believe this story’s true,
Ask the blind man he saw it too!

neil_hosey

Sitting at a square round table,
Eating vinegar with a fork.... :pac:

Swirls

scarlet_mandy wrote: »

an empty car full of bricks
ran over a dead cat and nearly killed it
it's in hospital now, in the best of health
ready to die any minute

My grandmother used to say this one - but how did it start?

trout

Bambi wrote: »

and one that ended " ...a drum, a gun, a kick in the bum and chase around the table."

That sounds like something my granny/granda from Ballyfermot would at Christmas ... if someone asked a child what Santy was bringing, granny/granda would jump in with "a doll, a drum, a kick in the bum or a chase around the table".

That was back in the 70's. I heard the very same thing last year, in Artane, so it hasn't gone away you know.

Shazanne

All these old saying should be written down and preserved for the future. I got such pleasure and such warm memories from reading that rhyme and I think others would too. Thanks to the OP for starting this thread:)

Swirls

I remembered the beginning!

Ladies and gentlemen,
Monkeys and reptiles,
I stand before you,
To speak behind you,
To tell you something,
I know nothing about.
An empty cart,
Full of bricks,
Ran over a dead cat
And nearly killed it.
It's in hospital now, in the best of health,
Ready to die any minute.

Shazanne

My Dad used to get me to say as fast as possible -

How much oil could a gum boil boil if a gum boil could boil oil!

Or

How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood!

neil_hosey

not really a rhyme as such but my granda told me a saying (before the founding of the free state) they had for the statue of "Justice" (the woman statue on the archway of dublin castle):


"Justice, there she stands upon her station with her face to the crown and her arse to the nation"...


i think it still holds true today.

scarlet_mandy

Swirls wrote: »

I remembered the beginning!

Ladies and gentlemen,
Monkeys and reptiles,
I stand before you,
To speak behind you,
To tell you something,
I know nothing about.
An empty cart,
Full of bricks,
Ran over a dead cat
And nearly killed it.
It's in hospital now, in the best of health,
Ready to die any minute.

Thank You!! That was actually driving me mad

Sunnyisland

Janey mac, me shirt is black, what’ll I do for Sunday? Get into bed and cover your head and don’t get up till Monday.

Shanannigan

My grandad used to say the 2 dead men one... he also used to use an expression:
"'I see' said the blind man. 'you're a liar' said the deaf man."


My grandmother used to sing The Grand Old Duke of York.
The Grand Old Duke of York
He had ten thousand men
He marched them up to the top of the hill
And he marched them down again

And when they were up they were up
And when they were down they were down
And when they were only halfway up
They were neither up or down

Esel

Shanannigan wrote: »

My grandad used to say the 2 dead men one... he also used to use an expression:
"'I see' said the blind man. 'you're a liar' said the deaf man."

The version I remember:

'I see' said the blind man, 'a hole in the wall.'
'You're a liar' said the dummy, 'there's no hole at all.'

Shazanne

Esel wrote: »

The version I remember:

'I see' said the blind man, 'a hole in the wall.'
'You're a liar' said the dummy, 'there's no hole at all.'

My father version:
"I see" said the blind man "a hole in the wall"
"You're a liar" said the dummy, "sure it's not there at all"

God, this thread is so special to me! My Dad will be two years dead in June. His photograph is here beside me at the computer and I've been saying these rhymes out loud - I'd nearly swear he's smiling!
Thank you to everyone:)

tawnyowl

Deleted User wrote: »

My grandfather, a true blue Dub would have been 95 today (he died about twenty years ago). Just got to thinking about him for the first time in ages and I particularly remembered this nonsense verse he used to recite to us.
I googled it, but none of the versions I saw resemble his version closely even though I only vaguely remember it. I've never lived in Dublin, nor have I heard it from anyone outside Dublin.
I presume he would have picked it up in the twenties or thirties, just wondering does anyone know/remember a particular Dublin version?
Not exactly the most important topic ever, but its doing my head in and hope someone can be of assistance.

It might not be the same thing, but it reminds me of something my late grandmother used to say (apologies for the offensive language):

"'I see' said the blind man when he couldn't see at all"
"'You're a liar!' said the dummy when he couldn't talk at all"

Again, apologies for the language!

Edinduberdeen

Esel wrote: »

The version I remember:

'I see' said the blind man, 'a hole in the wall.'
'You're a liar' said the dummy, 'there's no hole at all.'

Shazanne wrote:

My father version:
"I see" said the blind man "a hole in the wall"
"You're a liar" said the dummy, "sure it's not there at all"

tawnyowl wrote:

It might not be the same thing, but it reminds me of something my late grandmother used to say (apologies for the offensive language):

"'I see' said the blind man when he couldn't see at all"
"'You're a liar!' said the dummy when he couldn't talk at all"

Strange how many different versions of this there are! The one I knew was:

"I see" said the blind man "the hole in the wall",
"You liar" said the deaf man "you can't see at all!"


I also remember a bit of one that went something like:
"I went to the pictures tomorrow last night,
and I found a front seat in the back.
I fell from the pit to the gallery...."
And I can't remember any more... anyone else?

MIRMIR82

I know a different version of this altogether - quiet vulgar...i best not repeat:D

jamiedav2011

Think I remember the vulgar one too!
My granddad was a Dub and a big fan of these rhymes!

Sunnyisland

Sent a text today to a friend asking him any news, he replied not a dicky bird, its years since i heard that.