Wedding clash

LegacyUser

I've 2 weddings coming up next year& have been asked to be bridesmaid at both. The brides used to be good friends, but fell out 4 years ago& haven't spoken since, I wasn't involved as I didn't know them at the time, later became friends with each individually. So, issue is, how do I broach news of being bridesmaid to the opposing bride? One won't really care, but I'm afraid the other is generally more sensitive&, while she's generally fine about me keeping in touch with the other girl, is likely to view this bridesmaid thing as a betrayal of our friendship? Aaagh- help!

Toots

Are the weddings on the same day or anything? If not I'd just mention to the two that you're being bridesmaid for the other. To be honest, if one of them starts kicking off about it then they're being pretty childish. Don't make a big event about breaking the news, just drop it into conversation, play it down as much as you can. I think you'd be better off being upfront about it because if you try and hide it it'll make it into a big deal, when in reality it's not.

LegacyUser

I know it isn't a big deal, I've no intention of hiding it- it's one of my friends' reactions which I'm wary of& trying to minimise, the other won't have any problems with it.

Toots

I'd say to be honest if she's going to kick off, she'll do it no matter what you do. As I said, treat it casually and her reaction should be less intense. If she does start going mental, just explain that you're equally fond of both of them and just because you're being bridesmaid for the other girl too, it doesn't mean that you value your friendship any less. Could you chat about it to the other bridesmaids and try to get them to help calm her down if she does get upset?

IrishEyes19

normally I follow through on complete honesty but if the weddings are the same day, any chance you will be "preoccupied" that day and cant attend either, if its really going to cause trouble or hurt someone. would that be an option???

curlzy

Hey OP,

I really wouldn't pander to that kind of behaviour. You have every right to attend and participate at both weddings. The one you're worried about sounds very childish if she'd kick up about you attending your friend's wedding. After all this has absolutely nothing to do with her, she stopped talking to the other girl 4 years ago before you knew either of them. If she kicks off let her, would you really want to be friends with someone that goes on like that? I honestly wouldn't be bending over backwards for someone like that.

dr gonzo

Tbh op, this may be a distinctly male perspective but i would inclined to say that the friend who would be fine about it is maybe the better friend to begin with?

All i mean is the idea of the one friend going mental over something thats really none of her business anymore annoys me and i'd almost choose the other girl on princepal. Obviously thats not an option here as that would severly jeopardise the friendship so i would reiterate IrishEyes advice that you should skip them both due to the enormously bad timing of this scenario.

What i absolutely would not do however is go to the angrier friends wedding purely because the other friend would be more ok about it, dont take the easier option here just because one friend is childish.