Am I a slut?

LegacyUser

Ok, pretty much as the title goes. I'll explain a little...

I'm a 27-year-old woman. And I absolutely love sex. Simple as that. I wouldn't say I'm addicted at all because it doesn't affect my life in a negative way, only good really. I love doing it as much as possible with as many people as possible. I just think it's wonderful and as enjoyable a thing as I can do. Well, I'm sure you all can understand this, no need to go into too much detail.

The problem is, my friends are starting to really have a go at me and look down at me. I'd say I've slept with over 200 people by now in my life - I don't keep count. I have no rules other than attraction. I'm slept with girls/guys I've known for years and girls/guys I've just met. But last week I had a massive row with my friends over it...

I have a group of 4 female friends since we were kids, we go out together sometimes when we can. So last week we're in a pub. I get chatting to a sexy guy at the bar. I chatted to him a bit throughout the night and when we left the pub, I gave him my number and told him to call me later. He called me when I was the nightclub, I met up with him and we had sex.

It was great, but since then my friends have said I need to "get help" and all this. They were shocked when I told them that I did that kind of thing a lot.

Am I wrong in thinking they're being unfair?

Chinafoot

Searinghotsum wrote: »

I have no rules other than attraction.

When you say this, do you mean that someone being married/attached would still be fair game for you? If so, then I would personally see your behaviour as out of order. But thats just me.

If you aren't hurting anyone (including those outside the two of you having sex) then I see no issue. Once you are using protection and everyone knows where they stand, whats the harm?

Your friends should really mind their own business as I don't see how it affects them.

LegacyUser

Slut? No, IMO. I think 200 people is excessive and hugely above the norm and there is definitely an element of risk that you must think of. I'm not being judgmental, I just think it's odd that at 27, which is admittedly still young, you haven't tired of jumping into bed with anyone who catches your eye. Now, I haven't slept with anything like 200 people. I love sex at least as much as the next guy but getting that amount of notches on my bed post just doesn't seem natural or appealing. I think you might have an abnormal/ unhealthy view of sex and intimacy. I just think that the intimacy of sex is lost with those kinds of volumes. I would hate to lose that.

calex71

As long as you are not putting yourself at risk, and as said already it doesn't effect others what's the problem?

That out of the way, it has to be said many would not be as open minded as me so perhaps be a little more discrete, to spare your pals blushes. I know you shouldn't have to think like that but may make live and friendships less troublesome.

The other thing that may come up in time if you choose to settle with a long term parter is your experience, not my personal view I'll add but I could definitely see it as a problem for many guys.

Zen65

Searinghotsum wrote: »

Am I a slut?

Well, technically, yes.

I don't mean that in a pejorative sense, but a woman (or man) who has had 200 sexual partners and does not have actual relationships with these people is pretty much the textbook definition of "slut".

There's nothing wrong with enjoying sex, and there's nothing wrong with having had many sexual partners. Your friends may well have had many partners (though probably not as many as you), but the chances are they will also have had a lot of relationships, and this is the piece that seems to be missing from your life.

I think what is concerning your friends is that (from your post) you are not developing any of these physical relationships into emotional, adult relationships, and as such you are not exercising your potential as a person to experience meaningful relationships outside of the bedroom.

Where will this lifestyle take you? At 30 you might find that sexual partners are less easy to come across, and at 35 you could find yourself being lonely a lot of the time, as the more promiscuous males are at the settling-down stage in their lives, and you have not actually learned to relate to men outside of the sex act. You may have to try compete against younger women for the sexual attention of younger men, and at some point this has the capacity to become quite a tragic lifestyle.

Of course I'm painting a negative scenario which may be overly pessimistic. The real issue is, where do you see this lifestyle taking you? You may find it difficult to make a monogamous relationship work, because you have cultivated a taste for physical diversity of sexual partners. Sticking to one person for the remainder of your life (if this is the life you think you may ultimately want) could be quite a shock to your system.

I truly hope my answer here does not cause you any offence. I don't know you and nothing I say is intended to be judgemental.

Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser

Hi op

I can relate to your post totally. I am a 30 year old male who became single at 26 after being in a relationship since I was 16 and one step away from marriage. In my four years of single life I have slept with over 200 people. Initially people thought it was great that I was getting out there and enjoying myself but since turning 30 their attitudes have changed to become one of derision. Basically they feel at my stage in life I should find a nice girl, settling down, have the wedding, house, car and 2.4 children. The reason I'm saying all this is that society tells us that we should conform to a norm or standard and any deviation from that standard is wrong/bad/unnatural.

Who are any of us to call you a slut if you indulge in a physical act with like minded people. What happens between two consenting adults in private and obviously within the law is their business and no one elses. If your chosen lifestyle is not impacting on your friends directly I can't see why they would have an issue with it.

Sibylla

I agree with Zen in terms of the definition of a slut the answer is yes. However it's your life and no one has the right to tell you what to do. Do you think if you were in a relationship with someone you were sexually compatible with you would be happy or do prefer having various partners? While having sex with such a large number of people the first things you need to think of is protection.

poozers

I agree with everyone else who replied! as long as it's not affecting you negatively (and you said it doesnt) and others around you, it's your life... and everyone is free to do as they wish...just be careful of STI's etc etc (you know yourself), and always be in a safe place you're comfortable in...you never know what kind of person you'd be with, dangerous or not! your friends should mind their own business... and maybe theres a spot of jealousy

minidazzler

To be honest, as long as it's safe, sane and consensual there is no real issue. If you intend to settle down in future don't expect every man/woman you want to settle with to be thrilled about your past sexual history, but they probably aren't for you anyway.

LegacyUser

Have you ever been in a long term relationship OP?, by that i mean 1 year or longer. If not then i would have to wonder if you are using sex to fill an emotional void. I'm a male and have slept with my fair share of women but along the way i've connected with a few of the women i've slept with and had relationships because i felt an emotional connection and wanted to move things onto the next level as opposed to just having sex and moving onto the next girl.

It just seems unhealthy that you would need to sleep with so many different men without wanting something more than a quick shag. Do you not think that sex would be even better with someone you deeply cared about as opposed to a stranger you met in a nightclub. I'm all for playing the field and getting things out of your system but at 27 when you are supposedly maturing, can you not see where your friends are coming from?

In my experience, promiscuous people who constantly bed hop have underlying issues and are using sex as some sort of crutch. A mate of mine is 35 and still behaves like he is 21, shagging anything that moves but hes emotionally immature, doesn't like responsibility of anykind and is drifting through life aimlessly with no idea what he wants out of life but he'll be out chatting up some 21 year old girl at the weekend with the sole purpose of getting her into bed. I give him a bit of slagging about it in a matey way but underneath it all, i know hes not really happy. Maybe thats you, maybe its not and its something only you know.

Permabear

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LegacyUser

Just in response to some comments....

Unless I'm repressing some kind of massive emotional issue, I don't lead the lifestyle I do for any reason other than I think it suits the way I am more than long-term relationships.

I had a boyfriend for two years from 18-20. It was good. But it ended. And since then, 7 years or so ago, I just haven't wanted a boyfriend/girlfriend. I have plenty of great friends who I am really close to, often sexually, often platonically. I don't have any great need there that is not being satisfied. I just can't be monogamous and so rather than cheat on someone, I don't get into relationships other than ones that are open. I've been in a few open relationships down the years and while they're not ideal, they have mostly been good.

Honestly, I think my friends' main motives are jealousy and resentment. Have any other girls out there found that when they are on girls' nights out and get attention from lads, or actually pull lads, that there friends can be mean to them? I lot of my friends, I think, are sexually frustrated and they are irritated by seeing me live the way I do. Not that I think there is anything to be proud of about the way I live. Neither is there something to be ashamed of. It's the way I am.

And to the poster who said I was trying to contrive or cultivate an image of being a "bad girl"? Eh, no.

I am not insecure enough to contrive such a thing. The only thing I'm insecure about now is the feeling that there may in fact be something extreme about my sexual life. Until now I never allowed myself to think too much about it but maybe it is time to cut down my sexual adventures a little (although it will be hard)

Thanks for all advice.

up for anything

I think I'd prefer your lifestyle, OP, to that of others your age desperate to find a man who will marry them and so complete their life, or so they think and willing once they've found one to subjugate their own desires in order to keep him. That is sad and slightly seedy. If your sex life doesn't trouble you, it shouldn't trouble anyone else.

Not every woman has an emotional void they need to fill with sex, kittens or quilting. :rolleyes:

cantdecide

I agree with the idea above of it being a form of exhibitionism. I think a lot of the pleasure might come from the high number as much as the act. OP, how would you feel if you ended up in bed with a man with similar experience. A combined history of 400 people first hand? Would you not be concerned?

Personally, if I were lucky enough to have the absolute perfect girl throwing herself at me, I'd be pleased. However, if she's had 200+ partners and counting, I'd show her the door, personally.

I don't agree with the idea that everyone who wants to find 'the one' is compromising hand over fist. The OPs lifestyle wouldn't appeal to me one bit, personally. Most people I know in long term relationships at my age are blissfully happy.

Permabear

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AnonMous

Hey Op,

To start off with, i'm just going to put it out there that I hate the word slut! Who gave anyone the right to judge anyone else for the way they lead their life?!!

Some people like relationships and others don't! All i'd say is fair play for not getting into relationships when you know you won't be faithful.

Go ahead and embrace your sexuality and if your friends want to judge you, they are the ones with the problem, not you!

Take it easy,

A

cantdecide

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

When the cold light of day begins to dawn on an alcoholic, I'm sure there's a lot of flip-flopping and defensive behaviour/ justification too. I think the OP might be at a more contemplative stage even if she is still resisting. OP, I think few would disagree your lifestyle is a bit extreme, even if some would be jealous. I think if this thread goes on and on, you will find extremes in both regards. I think the truth, like most things in life, is somewhere in the middle.

LegacyUser

OP, whatever way you look at it, your behaviour is reckless. Do you really think that your friends are jealous that you get attention off men in Nightclubs, come on. Any women who flirts with men in a Nightclub is going to end up in bed with a guy at the end of the night if thats what she wants, it doesn't mean that your girlfriends envy you, infact they are probably a lot more concerned for your wellbeing and are just looking out for you.

7 Years single in your 20's where your whole connection with men is based around sex is not healthy in my opinion. I have a 39 year old female friend who up until 3 or 4 years ago was sleeping around with lots of different men and had been doing this through most of her adult life. What she longs for more than anything else nowadays is a stable relationship with a nice guy who doesn't treat her like a piece of meat but she generally views men as sexual perverts who can't be trusted but her lifestyle had planted these seeds in her head from a young age.

If you sleep around with different men on a regular basis then your view might be skewed as to what a genuine nice guy is really all about and subconciously you may think that offering sex is your only way or arousing a mans interest in you.

It might not be a bad idea to see a councellor just to get a professional opinion on what drives your behaviour. I'm not saying that you are definately emotionally messed up or anything but its a possibility and at 27 you could learn a lot about yourself by talking to someone who can give you independant and unbiased feedback.

muboop1

Em...

Here's the definition of "slut": A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous.

So with 200 partners I have to say yes, you are a slut

Is it a bad thing? No, it's just your way of life. There are certain dangers associated with your life style, but once you are careful that should be no problem.

The only thing I would consider I were you is this... You are happy with your current lifestyle now... But, what about a few years down the line? What if you start to desire a relationship?

I have to admit if I was seeing a girl and she told me I had 200+ partners, or if your current lifestyle continues could be 500+ partners... I would be turned off her instantly.

The reason? Well, firstly I would think there is something wrong with the girl emotionally. Secondly, could I trust her? You are so used to picking up guys, that how could I trust you not to fall back into routine with a few drinks. And finally, its great that you enjoy sex etc... but I like to think of sex as something a bit more special then simple physical gratification... after 200+ partners... I wouldn't think you were the same.

Now, I know many guys wouldn't view things like I do, but many could, I'm just trying to give you my perspective.

Be careful, be safe, and at least consider your future...

Peanut2011

OP, your title had a simple question so I will give you a simple answer.

Yes you are a slut.

IMO anyone who behaves like you would be a perfect example what I would call a slut.

For person who states how dare we judge anyone, well we make 1000's of judgements and decisions every day this is no different. And before I get the backlash of the people to say "a woman is a slut but a guy is a stud" no I do not hold that belief.

The issue here is not what I think of you, it's what you think of yourself and simple fact that you decided to ask this tells me you have some reservations about your lifestyle when you start thinking about it, otherwise you would not be bothered.

Personally, you would never be a type of a woman I could ever have any relationship with.

<snip>

UsernameInUse

I'm a guy in a relationship for the past 6 years. Let me tell you, it's a great feeling to be able to communicate with someone or seek advice when you need it for life's little troubles - that's something no fling can ever give you, or friends for that matter. If I split tomorrow, I wouldn't find a girl who has had over 200 sexual partners very appealing at all - as most guys wouldn't I suspect.

The word "slut" is a difficult tag to shake off, particularly if it makes the rounds in your social peer group. It's just one of those things, perhaps an Irish immoral stance. I consider myself more liberal about life's vices but I wouldn't recommend telling any future guy you're with if you're seeking stability about your promiscuous past. I know it's not a thorn for everyone, but for me, personally - I find that a little over the top and nothing to be proud of. In fact, I think it has more to do, in your case, with a sense of attention seeking or mental battle than a human need.

Miss Fluff

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

This pretty much sums up what I was going to say on this topic. What you are doing OP is really really reckless behaviour, and on so many levels. It's not just your sexual health you are playing Russian Roulette with here(condoms don't protect against HPV/genital herpes for example). The fact that you are also picking up total randomers leaves you so vulnerable to all sorts of whack-jobs and crazies. Have you thought about that element to it?

The choices people make are personal to the individual and that is fine. But rather than take the (frankly, very immature) stance of claiming all your friends are suffering from "jealousy and resentment"....(by the way, really???) why don't you let them be your guide on this? I think good friends will look out for you, tell it like it is, and have your best interests at heart. Rather then immediately go on the defensive here and look for validation from strangers on a forum, maybe talk to your best and closest friend about this further (and not of the many "very good friends" who you regularly sleep with that you refer to), someone who has not got an agenda or alterior motive.

I personally think "slut" is a disgusting word. You're not a slut. But you are promiscuous. And while you will have lots of people on here telling you that it's all a bit of fun and hilarity, I don't agree. I think it's dangerous and I also think it's quite damaging to you. I'm as open-minded as they come but your post made me frightened for you.

You need to start examining why it is you do this. Which I suppose is what you are doing now. You wouldn't have posted here if it doesn't bother you slightly would you?

alibaba12

AnonMous wrote: »

Hey Op,

To start off with, i'm just going to put it out there that I hate the word slut! Who gave anyone the right to judge anyone else for the way they lead their life?!!

Some people like relationships and others don't! All i'd say is fair play for not getting into relationships when you know you won't be faithful.

Go ahead and embrace your sexuality and if your friends want to judge you, they are the ones with the problem, not you!

Take it easy,

A

+1

I hate the word "slut" too. I hate the way women get named and men get praised. The op is an adult and knows or should know the dangers.

If your happy no-one has the right the tell you otherwise. I would sit your friends down and explain that you like your life the way it is.

Its your life and you should live it as you see fit and do whatever makes you happy.

Maple

Peanut, keep it civil, calling the OP a "dumb ho" is hardly constructive.

Maple

cantdecide

alibaba12 wrote: »

...I hate the way women get named and men get praised...If your happy no-one has the right the tell you otherwise. I would sit your friends down and explain that you like your life the way it is.....Its your life and you should live it as you see fit and do whatever makes you happy.

I suspect that the OP might be doing some soul searching at the moment. On this assumption, a pertinent question for the OP is whether she's certain she will feel "happy" about her lifestyle in years to come or not. If she discovers that the answer is against her current beliefs, then that might demand amending her behaviour.

IrishEyes19

Searinghotsum wrote: »

Just in response to some comments....

Unless I'm repressing some kind of massive emotional issue, I don't lead the lifestyle I do for any reason other than I think it suits the way I am more than long-term relationships.

I had a boyfriend for two years from 18-20. It was good. But it ended. And since then, 7 years or so ago, I just haven't wanted a boyfriend/girlfriend. I have plenty of great friends who I am really close to, often sexually, often platonically. I don't have any great need there that is not being satisfied. I just can't be monogamous and so rather than cheat on someone, I don't get into relationships other than ones that are open. I've been in a few open relationships down the years and while they're not ideal, they have mostly been good.

Honestly, I think my friends' main motives are jealousy and resentment. Have any other girls out there found that when they are on girls' nights out and get attention from lads, or actually pull lads, that there friends can be mean to them? I lot of my friends, I think, are sexually frustrated and they are irritated by seeing me live the way I do. Not that I think there is anything to be proud of about the way I live. Neither is there something to be ashamed of. It's the way I am.

And to the poster who said I was trying to contrive or cultivate an image of being a "bad girl"? Eh, no.

I am not insecure enough to contrive such a thing. The only thing I'm insecure about now is the feeling that there may in fact be something extreme about my sexual life. Until now I never allowed myself to think too much about it but maybe it is time to cut down my sexual adventures a little (although it will be hard)

Thanks for all advice.

going to give my two cents worth here, but I dont think you'll like it. firstly if your're not hurting anyone and taking precaution, its your life.

However I dont feel your friends are jealous, I'll be honest and say if my friend was sleeping around with a count of 200 men plus and this was common knowledge, Id be concerned that people would associate the same with me if we were out together on girls nights out.

Shallow, childish perhaps, maybe. But you know the saying, show me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are. I would worry that men would think I and other friends were of the same mindset and to be honest, since I would be more inclined for long term relationships, I wouldnt like to have that title on me, just being honest.

LegacyUser

OP, there are a couple of contradictions in your post but i won't get into that. Ask yourself this. Over the next few years you may want to have children. If this is the case, how are you going to justify your behaviour (open Relationship) with a man who is going to father your children. Do you really believe that any man will get into a relationship with you if you can't be monogomous and he is looking longer term which is inevitable as we get into our 30's.

You will end up chasing younger and younger men as you get older because any man looking to settle down and have a family will not give you the time of day and all you will have to offer younger men is your body on a plate while competing with much younger women for their attention.

If on the other hand you are totally comfortable with this prospect then thats absolutely fine but i really can't see how will end up a happy, fulfilled and well adjusted person if you continue as you are. You need to start thinking about the bigger picture and not put so much emphasis on sex as a what defines you as a person.

holystungun9

be safe and enjoy yourself. Once you are not misleading or deceiving anyone (yourself included) I don't see a problem. With any behaviour that is not the norm for your friends, you are going to have some issues. Be patient with their slowness in understanding, you may have to be the 'bigger' person here.But most importantly don't put up with any abuse. You don't deserve it.

Sleepy

Are you happy with the way your life is OP?

If so, why the post here? Is it just the reaction from your friends to how you're living your life? As others have said, their reaction is not likely to be one of jealousy (depending on how low she's prepared to drop her standards, any woman can get laid at any time, day or night - neve mind whilst dressed nicely on a night out). To be blunt, most men will happilly drop their standards for one-night-stand sex so even "average" girls can easily pull very good looking blokes for casual sex.

It's more likely to be concern for you that's worrying them as you're living a lifestyle that's quite outside the norm for most girls in Ireland. To them, the closest thing they're aware of is Samantha from Sex and the City: a comedy based around over-the-top caricatures of female archetypes.

There are obvious risks to a promiscuous lifestyle: STI's, Unplanned Pregnancy, Being in vulnerable positions with people you don't know that well; opening yourself to the possibility that potential long-term partners may shy away from your background etc.

You need to put your friends minds at rest that you're taking adequate precautions in these areas and help them understand that this isn't a path you're following because you can't find a "man of your own" but because you want to be on this path.

LegacyUser

Yes, OP, you are what society (and I, I won't lie), deems to be a slut. If you're enjoying it, then by all means continue as there's plenty of men out there who'll happily use you, however if you're going to ever "settle down" then you're going to have huge issues to confront.

To be quite frank, you're not the "type" any man worth settling with would ever consider settling with. Women such as yourself are viewed as tainted, and one would only need to look at the boyfriends of pornstars to realise this. Not to mention men, in general, won't find you trustworthy.

I honestly don't know what to advise, as lying to your future partners would be disgraceful, but your outlook long-term (if settling down, relationship, kids etc are a prerogative) doesn't look so good as a result of your behaviour. If you lie, it'll be found out, and if you don't, you're just as damned.

However, that isn't the question. You asked are you a slut and the answer is yes, you are a slut. To be 100% honest, I would expect your female friends to "drift" away soon enough after finding out. People, with the exception of the absolutely desperate, don't view this in a good light. Even to men who go out merely to use women for sex, this knowledge would put them straight off you.

Best of luck anyway.

ppink

Searinghotsum wrote: »

Ok, pretty much as the title goes. I'll explain a little...

I'm a 27-year-old woman. And I absolutely love sex. Simple as that. I wouldn't say I'm addicted at all because it doesn't affect my life in a negative way, only good really. I love doing it as much as possible with as many people as possible. I just think it's wonderful and as enjoyable a thing as I can do. Well, I'm sure you all can understand this, no need to go into too much detail.

The problem is, my friends are starting to really have a go at me and look down at me. I'd say I've slept with over 200 people by now in my life - I don't keep count. I have no rules other than attraction. I'm slept with girls/guys I've known for years and girls/guys I've just met. But last week I had a massive row with my friends over it...

I have a group of 4 female friends since we were kids, we go out together sometimes when we can. So last week we're in a pub. I get chatting to a sexy guy at the bar. I chatted to him a bit throughout the night and when we left the pub, I gave him my number and told him to call me later. He called me when I was the nightclub, I met up with him and we had sex.

It was great, but since then my friends have said I need to "get help" and all this. They were shocked when I told them that I did that kind of thing a lot.

Am I wrong in thinking they're being unfair?

most people love sex. that does not mean they do 200 people.

you question about being a slut, well in short for some people you will be one and for others maybe not. if your friends are talking to you about it now then that to me would indicate that they are not comfortable with having such a liberal friend.
I have walked away from some in the past who were too liberal for my liking...their choice I know but not something I agree with or want near me....my choice.

LegacyUser

OP, its great that your liberal minded, i don't think anybody would have a problem with that, even your friends, but do you want a man to value you as a person (Friend, companion, Lover, potential wife).

If these aspects of a relationship with another man don't appeal to you then you are justified in following your own path regardless of what anybody else thinks but if you want to be loved and respected by another man down the line then you are heading for big problems.

When you come onto a man in a nightclub and tell him you want to have sex with him after just having met him heres what goes through a mans head. "Oh, this is great, an easy lay, i don't even have to make an effort here, shes putting it on a plate for me" The guy gets an ego boost, gets to have sex with you, no strings attached, just what most guys on the pull are looking for, an easy lay.

In the cold light of day most guys you sleep with have already lost a bit of respect for you, not that they won't jump back into the sack with you again, but you are now just potential **** buddy material. Any realistic guy is going to think that if you are that easy to get into bed, you can't be trusted around other men and have already decided that you are not relationship material but they still wouldn't mind having you around as a **** buddy.

This is how men think in general. They want plenty of women like you in Nightclubs when they are out on the pull but they want a women who is loyal to them only when it comes to a relationship. You can call it double standards but thats the way it is.

As long as you are "GENUINELY" happy with your life choices then fire away but there will come a time in life when you will need to re-evaluate the situation and its not that far off if you plan on having a family.

You probably are a bit slutty, but whether you're slutty or not, it's not unfair of your friends to let you know they're worried about you. Sexual promiscuity can be a warning sign of certain problems, for example some cases of bipolar disorder. There's also the risk of contracting an STI. If you were my friend I'd be worried about you, the same way I'd worry if someone I knew decided to be celibate. There's nothing wrong with having lots of sex, the same way there's nothing wrong with being celibate, but when the source of such behaviour isn't clear, your friends get worried about you. If you're sure you're just happy having sex and this is what you want to do, explain it to your friends and leave it at that. If it turns out that they don't agree with it even after an explanation that you're ok, then just agree to disagree.

Taltos

Why do you think your friends are jealous?

Have you not considered that they might just maybe have your own longterm best interests at heart here?
It really is quite defensive to immediately jump to the conclusion that they want the type of life you have. You may be very happy with how you choose to live your life - but maybe for them all the scenarios above just have them terrified for your longterm health and happiness.

As a previous poster above noted you might find now that they will soon stop trying to "change" you and instead will just drift away or stop including you on their nights out.

Another question though - longterm - is this sustainable and really what do you want for yourself in the coming years? Hopefully if you do want a stable relationship down the line you can meet someone open minded enough to accept your past, but there is a chance that person may be hard to find (though you could be lucky or just lie).

I too dislike the word slut, but the village bike is one used alot more where I come from, to me that is alot worse as it shows little or no discernment - even if not true.

LegacyUser

Male Viewpoint wrote: »

OP, its great that your liberal minded, i don't think anybody would have a problem with that, even your friends, but do you want a man to value you as a person (Friend, companion, Lover, potential wife).

If these aspects of a relationship with another man don't appeal to you then you are justified in following your own path regardless of what anybody else thinks but if you want to be loved and respected by another man down the line then you are heading for big problems.

When you come onto a man in a nightclub and tell him you want to have sex with him after just having met him heres what goes through a mans head. "Oh, this is great, an easy lay, i don't even have to make an effort here, shes putting it on a plate for me" The guy gets an ego boost, gets to have sex with you, no strings attached, just what most guys on the pull are looking for, an easy lay.

In the cold light of day most guys you sleep with have already lost a bit of respect for you, not that they won't jump back into the sack with you again, but you are now just potential **** buddy material. Any realistic guy is going to think that if you are that easy to get into bed, you can't be trusted around other men and have already decided that you are not relationship material but they still wouldn't mind having you around as a **** buddy.

This is how men think in general. They want plenty of women like you in Nightclubs when they are out on the pull but they want a women who is loyal to them only when it comes to a relationship. You can call it double standards but thats the way it is.

As long as you are "GENUINELY" happy with your life choices then fire away but there will come a time in life when you will need to re-evaluate the situation and its not that far off if you plan on having a family.

+1

I got to admit it is slightly double standards of me as I myself have had many one night stands but I do naturally look at the women as easy and maybe even think they should respect themselves a bit more afterwards. I know it mightn't be right but it's just the way I always feel. I have actually hard many arguements with an ex about this as she failed to believe (or realise) that men do have lower opinions of women they have one night stands with even if it is a double standard. It's just the way it is.

In reality if your happy with your lifestyle so be it just be careful of your health but don't think in the end it will be easy to find a man who if you tell (if you want an honest relationship) or he finds out will ever be able to acccept this deep down it will eat at him and he will have look at you in a different light in my opinion no matter how open minded he is.

Richard Dower

Nah...she's a w*ore!

Silverfish

Richard Dower banned.

Stinicker

No way are you a slut! There nothing more natural than having these urges, as a guy i'll put it this way if the situation were reversed and us guys could get sex just as easily as women can then you'd probably have a far lower score count than us!

Play it safe and once you can avoid diseases and pregnancies then you'll be fine, some day you'll meet that guy who ticks all the boxes for you and then maybe you won't have to have as many conquests! You may be a sex addict but that is fine so long as it is not starting to take over your life where you couldn't get up and go to work in the morning without the shag. A high sex drive and if your friends have problems with you perhaps you need to re-evaluate your friendships with these people!

HugoDrax

Searinghotsum wrote: »

Ok, pretty much as the title goes. I'll explain a little...

I'm a 27-year-old woman. And I absolutely love sex. Simple as that. I wouldn't say I'm addicted at all because it doesn't affect my life in a negative way, only good really. I love doing it as much as possible with as many people as possible. I just think it's wonderful and as enjoyable a thing as I can do. Well, I'm sure you all can understand this, no need to go into too much detail.

The problem is, my friends are starting to really have a go at me and look down at me. I'd say I've slept with over 200 people by now in my life - I don't keep count. I have no rules other than attraction. I'm slept with girls/guys I've known for years and girls/guys I've just met. But last week I had a massive row with my friends over it...

I have a group of 4 female friends since we were kids, we go out together sometimes when we can. So last week we're in a pub. I get chatting to a sexy guy at the bar. I chatted to him a bit throughout the night and when we left the pub, I gave him my number and told him to call me later. He called me when I was the nightclub, I met up with him and we had sex.

It was great, but since then my friends have said I need to "get help" and all this. They were shocked when I told them that I did that kind of thing a lot.

Am I wrong in thinking they're being unfair?

Ireland is just a really small minded country.
Your friends are just jealous because they don't have the confidence that you have.
If they have such a negative attitude maybe you should ditch them and get some real friends.
How dare they judge you like this?

In the US, UK and other countries nobody bats an eyelid.

Tell these so-called friends to go jump in the river and do what you want.

meditraitor

As long as you stay safe and dont prick around with other peoples relationships then fuck as many people as you like....

As for being a slut, if you stick to the rules above your not..... your just promiscuois, which is natural enough for a human..... its hard work to be in a relationship and if its not your thing then thats OK to just enjoy, your friends are just programmed differently, no worries that's also human nature.

Dudess

You'd be deemed a slut all right OP - but only by people who have no problem with using such an ugly word, including those who'd still have sex with you. Guess hypocrisy is ok once one gets one's hole.

Stay safe (in every way) and be discreet about it. If you end up wanting a relationship in the future, not all men judge a woman's past. If they do, I suppose they're entitled to, but it's so irksome when sometimes those men themselves are promiscuous/have happily had sex with promiscuous women.

Re your friends being jealous: maybe they are a bit, since you seem so confident and relaxed about sex, which is something that poses issues for so many others, especially in Ireland (I think Ireland is far less sexually repressed than it was, but some of the legacy remains). That's not to say though that they would have the same lifestyle as you if they had the choice, OP. It definitely wouldn't be for me personally, but I accept different people have different sexual preferences and needs, and it's an individualistic thing. If people just stopped trying to turn sex into a comparison game, and applying what suits some people to the entire population... I genuinely believe there'd be a little less strife in the world.

It seems like you enjoy the sensations alone, and do not require emotional intimacy to get a lot out of sex - and that's fine, you're not alone. The reason people have a problem with a woman being wired this way is that it's considered a more blokey stance, and a woman "should" attach emotion to it. But if you genuinely enjoy it, then why deny yourself? Sometimes people are promiscuous for the wrong reasons, but it seems as though you are simply because you love sex - the best reason to be.

Logical Fallacy

Zen65 wrote: »

Well, technically, yes.

I don't mean that in a pejorative sense, but a woman (or man) who has had 200 sexual partners and does not have actual relationships with these people is pretty much the textbook definition of "slut".

I've seen mothers brand their daughters with the title of slut just because they had sex with one person outside of marriage.

It's not a term that has a set definition.

seraphimvc

OP i think you wont be surprised much of what people will think of you if you have read all the posts by now. imo, it is highly related to the local culture. to me, it is just another life style. if i happen to know you in real life, i will probably just say 'hey m8, have you ever consider a serious relationship? you may enjoy more of a meaningful relationship! you know, we will need to settle down in the end.'. otherwise i will be totally fine with you too(the 'slut' word wont ever cross my mind), if i see that you are truly happy and enjoy this life style.

who_ru

A few thoughts on the OP.

slut? - Can't say don't know what a slut is.

risky? - Yeah

missing someone? - probably

lonely deep down? - probably

will meet someone for good? - don't know

can give & receive love? - don't know

will one day look back on all of this and laugh? - yes

will one day look back on all of this and cry? - yes

will eventually change over time and then decide what to do? - yes

will eventually make up own mind and not worry what others think? - hopefully.

Good Luck OP!!!!

Eric Cartman

Searinghotsum wrote: »

Ok, pretty much as the title goes. I'll explain a little...

I'm a 27-year-old woman. And I absolutely love sex. Simple as that. I wouldn't say I'm addicted at all because it doesn't affect my life in a negative way, only good really. I love doing it as much as possible with as many people as possible. I just think it's wonderful and as enjoyable a thing as I can do. Well, I'm sure you all can understand this, no need to go into too much detail.

The problem is, my friends are starting to really have a go at me and look down at me. I'd say I've slept with over 200 people by now in my life - I don't keep count. I have no rules other than attraction. I'm slept with girls/guys I've known for years and girls/guys I've just met. But last week I had a massive row with my friends over it...

I have a group of 4 female friends since we were kids, we go out together sometimes when we can. So last week we're in a pub. I get chatting to a sexy guy at the bar. I chatted to him a bit throughout the night and when we left the pub, I gave him my number and told him to call me later. He called me when I was the nightclub, I met up with him and we had sex.

It was great, but since then my friends have said I need to "get help" and all this. They were shocked when I told them that I did that kind of thing a lot.

Am I wrong in thinking they're being unfair?

i dont personally think you have a problem, I think your mates and society says you have a problem, provided your being safe and just letting your mates know where your off to for a bit of security then id say your fine and not to worry

people will tell you its because your lonely or lacking something, id say you could just like having no strings sex, dont see any issue with that