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Feel like life is at a standstill...........

  • 23-03-2011 09:41AM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Ok, so I'm going to try explaining this as best I can.

    I'm a pretty happy person. I've a great family and friends and a beautiful daughter and we all have our health. I have a job which is secure and I earn enough to keep my head above water.
    I'm blessed really.

    I'm a single parent and have been for a few years now but I'm doing ok with it. My daughter is happy, doing well at school and we have a good relationship.
    I'm 30 and my daughter is 9.

    I haven't been in a relationship in about 3 years but I'm ok with my own company although I would like to meet someone.

    Lately though, it just feels as though everyone is moving on and leaving me behind. I rely heavily on my friends and family to allieviate the loneliness and to get me out of the house because once my daughter goes to bed it's me and the 4 walls.
    They've always been very good when I've arranged nights out and coming to visit etc.

    However in the last year it's all changed. Two of my best friends have married and one is expecting. Two of my sisters have married and another one is expecting. Another friend has emigrated and another has had a baby.
    It feels like all I hear is wedding talk, baby talk, house building etc. Everyone getting on with the grown up part of their lives.
    I guess I feel cheated in a way. I hate feeling this way but when I had my daughter my friends were all in college, getting jobs, going out and living the single life. Now that I have some freedom they are all where I was at 10 years ago.
    I know it's not their fault and I know I made my choices in life but I'm feeling like I'll be stuck like this forever.
    I have nobody to go out with and therefore can never hope to meet someone and do all the things I want to do like get married and have kids. I'm not desparate for a man, don't get me wrong. But when I ask myself where I want to be in 5 years it's married with babies.
    I can't travel because of my daughter and her school and my job. I don't have spare cash for hobbies. I don't have babysitters except the odd weekend. I don't live near family and her dad has never been around/paid maintenance.

    It just feels like this is my life now and I should be happy but I amn't. The one thing that saved me from the loneliness of single parenting was my friends, my fun nights out, my friends calling over in the evenings. But they all have their own lives now.
    I haven't spoken about this with them. Simply because they're happy and I'm happy for them and I don't want them to feel obliged. Nor do I want pity or for them to feel a sense of responsibility for me, feeling like they have to call me or visit.

    I've tried single parent groups but it's mainly small children and ex bashing and I'm not really in that place and find I don't have a lot in common with them. I live in a small town so there's not a vast number of options.

    I've considered moving closer to home so that I have some family support but that would mean leaving work and who knows if I'd get another job and then I'd have to rely on welfare. I've worked too hard to raise my daughter on my own without getting into the welfare trap at this late stage in the game.

    I just feel trapped.


Comments

  • #2
    Smashhits
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 124 ✭✭Smashhits


    I know how you're feeling, cos that's exactly how i feel. I have only recenly separated from my husband. My side is I'm almost 38 and have 2 teenage kids. All my friends have just started having their families and they're where I was 10 years ago. I'm in a position to go out now and really need to get myself out there but I can't go by myself.
    Like you I'm happy for my friends but it can be lonely.

    The only thing i would suggest is maybe you call to your friends now with the young babies. You can bring your daughter of a friday night and have a girlie chat with them + it'll get you out of your own house and your daughter is old enough to stay out that little bit later.
    Another thought is to have all your girlfriends to yours for dinner, they can bring the babies and your daughter won't be put out

    You can still have the fun nights out but they'll be fewer than before with this group of friends. Widen your circle of friends if you can, I know easier said than done.

    Good Luck really mean that.


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