Fiance & baby talk

Ksusha26

I have been with my now fiance since last September and I love him to bits. When he proposed to me last month I accepted it straight away without any hesitations. We have picked August for the wedding date and i'm really looking forward to it. After a string of failed relationships, I feel I have finally met my one. His maturity as well as kind and sincere and loving manner won me over. Our sex life is very healthy. He is 47 while I am 26 but for me age has not proven to be a factor, despite some people staring at him with jealous looks (I'm blond, size 8, 5' 8"). My fiance has had a tough few years. His ex wife left him in 2002 and about 5 years ago he lost a son who was only 8 in a tragic accident. I have grown very attached to his other boys who are now teens and they have looked to me as a mum. I have now moved in with my fiance and our relationship has grown in strenght.

However recently the talk has come to having children. When the subject came up we had a long chat and i told him that although I want to have kids, I felt it was a bit sudden and that I needed time to think. He has not put me under any pressure but the prospect of having kids both excites and scares me. What do you mothers out there think? I am strongly considering taking a big step in my life and bringing a life into the world.

Neyite

Hey its totally scary! Im trying for 20 months now, am upset every time my period comes, and I desperatly want a baby, yet, I know when I do get that positive test, I will be f*cking terrified, but excited at the same time. So will my partner. It means our lives will change beyond all recognition, yet I believe the trade off will be worth it.

For now anyway, I presume you will prefer to plan your wedding first, then consider trying for a child after that, so there is no pressure at the moment. You can use this time to prepare your body - you can take folic acid (which will give you amazing nails and hair for your wedding too - bonus!) irrespective of whether you are planning a baby or not.

You also need to get dental work sorted prior to pregnancy - cavities getting worse during pregnancy is common so if the are sorted first you avoid bigger problems down the line. Good general health and eating healthily is also required, as is losing weight if a woman is overweight. Again, these all may be things you are considering in the run up to your wedding.

Now, if you were not sure about ever having a child, then to marry someone who hopes to have children is obviously wrong - better to let him go and find someone he can have his family with, but you do seem to be leaning towards the idea of a family.

mood

If you don't want kids and he does them you shouldn't get married.

However, if you want to wait a while and he is ok with this then it shouldn't be a problem.

Distorted

Ksusha26 wrote: »

However recently the talk has come to having children. When the subject came up we had a long chat and i told him that although I want to have kids, I felt it was a bit sudden and that I needed time to think. He has not put me under any pressure but the prospect of having kids both excites and scares me.

I'm not surprised you think its a bit sudden. You've only been with him for 6 months! Whats the rush? Maybe you need to get to know him a bit better in order to make decisions like that.

Ksusha26

sunflower27 wrote: »

First of all, congrats on the engagement. I don't think anyone can make a judgement call on whether or not things are happening too soon or not; we aren't living your life, your relationship.

I also imagine that losing a son has made your fiance see how precious life is - and how short it can be.

You say he has put no pressure on you to have kids, which is a good thing. You've had the talk, you said you want to wait a bit, that's fair enough.

If I were you, I'd focus on the wedding and not get all worked up about a baby.

I imagine it is a daunting thought for anyone who wants to have children to suddenly be faced with the responsibilty of what it entails.

All the best.

Thank you all for the advice. It has been truly helpful. Just to clarify that nobody is putting me under pressure but the fact of the matter is that i do want children.

My fiance losing a young son in tragic circumstances a few years ago (right outside his house - got hit by car) has put everything into perspective, life being precious and all that. I guess looking back he feels robbed and aggreived by what happened and wants to compensate by having a child because he was single for years before he met me and now since the opportunity has arisen, the question of having a baby has been raised. I am not against it, I do want a baby but for me its a question of when. When I am ready, then it will happen. It could be tomorrow, next week or next year, who knows. I have alot to look forward to with weddings, babies and all that so I have been filled with a wide variety of emotions.

Next Sunday, all his extended family are meeting up for a day out including his young nieces and nephews. His family has seen alot of births lately so it will be time to do some catch up with his family members who i add have all been very nice to me.