First poem post

Thistle pin

Hey guys,
Not a huge writer but I threw this together tonight. Opinions welcome!! Its very simple and thats on purpose...first draft though!!

In the midst of teenage politics,
The meaning was lost,
Of mathematicians, Einstein
And the poetry of Frost.
And the days they seemed long,
The breaks too brief,
The pop stars too important,
Schoolwork, the villain, the time thief.
In classes we talked,
At breaks complained about the teachers
Seeing them not as conveyers of knowledge
But as tedious preachers.
We resented the tests,
We rejoiced the weekends,
And each moment in class,
Was wished to be spent elsewhere with friends.
But entering college,
With maturity gained,
Curiosity bloomed,
Interest in pop stars waned.
And the maturity brought
A host of new delights,
Knowledge and awareness,
Growing philosophical insights.
And while friends and pop culture,
Were still valued within,
A new phase of enlightenment
Was just about to begin.
With science, the maths,
The poets once detested,
We would soon question the interests
In which our values were vested.
And it is hence forth with this knowledge
I hope to explore,
The beauty of the world,
I never took the time to appreciate before.

sunflower27

Hi there,

That's lovely... really took me back to the old school days and captured really well the feelings I had.

Especially the pop stars.... weren't we all going to marry them

Lovely, thank you.

pickarooney

I really like this. It could obviously do with a bit of reworking but the meter and imagery are sound. The opening line doesn't do the rest of the poem justice, I feel. Maybe try shuffling those lines about to give a clearer introduction.

gubby

That is really very good. I can really relate to it as I didnt "do" school when I was young.. but now I love to go back and learn.
very impressed with your first effort

Phantasos

I really liked that, very good!

The only thing I would change would be to take away a few of the 'and' sentence starters - but that's only my opinion and some of the regulars here probably know a good bit more about poetry than I do.

Look forward to the next poem.

Matt Holck

does it fall in the sections or movements that can be divided into stanza or is it meant to be swallowed whole?

busbrokers

Very good..very nice..I could read that stuff all night...looking forward to your next effort.

Thistle pin

Thanks a million for all of the positive feedback guys! Really appreciate it!!!x

Matt Holck

In the midst of teenage politics,
The meaning was lost,
Of mathematicians, Einstein
And the poetry of Frost.

And the days they seemed long,
The breaks too brief,
The pop stars too important,
Schoolwork, the villain, the time thief.

In classes we talked,
At breaks complained about the teachers
Seeing them not as conveyers of knowledge
But as tedious preachers.

We resented the tests,
We rejoiced the weekends,
And each moment in class,
Was wished to be spent elsewhere with friends.

But entering college,
With maturity gained,
Curiosity bloomed,
Interest in pop stars waned.

And the maturity brought
A host of new delights,
Knowledge and awareness,
Growing philosophical insights.

And while friends and pop culture,
Were still valued within,
A new phase of enlightenment
Was just about to begin.

With science, the maths,
The poets once detested,
We would soon question the interests
In which our values were vested.

And it is hence forth with this knowledge
I hope to explore,
The beauty of the world,
I never took the time to appreciate before.

the lines could be adjusted to match each other in rhythm

ChattyChick

I love this. It's so heartfelt and resonating.

It would be interesting to hear the feedback of someone still in school to see where he or she would see themselves in this timeline. I can see how it might be visually packaged differently to emphasise the rhythms as Matt suggests, but to me, the single stanza helps to convey the rush of time - before we know it those heady days are over.

Also, though pickarooney wasn't keen on the opening line, I thought it was perfect. It really drew me in.

Can't wait to read more of your work

Matt Holck

the open lines help me move through the poem faster
as I don't loss my place

thecookingapple

very nice .