Im repeating the LC. Friend just doesnt get it.

LegacyUser

Ok.
Im nearly to the end of repeating the LC, finding it tough study wise. My friends all went on to college.
Over the last few months, weve all grown apart. Ive had a few changes in my life and bitta personal growth since going into my year. I always try to suggest and invite one particular friend(who went to college) out on nights out so i can see her. But she turns it down or simply cant make it.
I dont press, i just say no bother, another time cause i thought our relationship was strong and i dont bombard people.
But ever since i went into my repeat yr, anytime I WOULD turn her down over work and exams, she'd get all up in arms and hold it against me for future convos.

I havent been out in a month with her and in between then and now, i invited her out twice. she turned me down each time at the last minute. then i sat my pres and was busy.
I got onto her today and said im going out at the weekend and told her to let me know she'd be out and she goes "whats the sudden fascination with going out? your never out?" and im like WTF....

Seriously, ever since i went into the repeats, shes given me hard time about not being able to make night outs.

And plus, she knew i was finding it very difficult to keep up this year. I just feel, as a friend, she should be more understanding, encouraging and patient. its not fair. i never treat anyone like this... and when she turns me down last minute, i dont get on her case about it, i just leave it go cause theres no point in aggro.

I have lost a bestfriend this year cause we got into a "fight" i dont know about :P classic bitchyness like, I think the fact i wont get into the conflict is part of the tension with the friend im telling ye about, and alot of aquaintances dislike me over this apparent "fight".

I dont wanna lose more friends but feel she could be less spiteful and a bit more understanding!

So should i bother stepping on eggshells anymore or just let go of my old friends? Maybe im just dragging it out? Perhaps it would be best if i just accept we've all gone our own ways and move on with people who "get it" ?

Anyone else experience this with life after secondary school?

Please help guys. Thanks

Chaotic_Forces

I'm assuming you're repeating this year (so you'll be done around June). It's just another 2 months or so. TBH, I'd advise you to just back off and once you are done with the LC you can start going out again.

My group was somewhat the opposite. While a friend of ours did repeat it and we could go out constantly we were sort of annoyed with him not being able to make it even though he said he would come out but we just accepted it. Eventually after he did is repeat year and got into college he was able to come out more.

I really think you should explain things to your friend and make it clear that while you aren't leaving them, you just need to take these last two months or so to do well otherwise it'll be waste of a year and a repeat and that you'll be able to be much more active once you're finished in June.

Just, if worse comes to worse, don't put your friend first. Repeating is very difficult and I wish I had done it. Good luck with your exams.

Contessa Raven

Hi OP,

I can relate to a lot of what you say. I also had to repeat my leaving because I failed it the first time round due to a lot of personal problems I had at the time which meant I was very distracted. In one way, I was lucky that I was a year ahead most of my friends as that meant when I went back to repeat, we were in the same year.

I still felt the pressure from the one or two friends outside of school that had no idea of the amount of stress and pressure I was under. Like your friend they just couldn't grasp the idea that it was really important that I had no distractions.

In the end I just had to slowly diminish contact until we were barely in touch. Our friendship never fully recovered (now we're more acquaintances than friends) but when I went on to college I made LOADS of new friends and I'm still best friends with my friends from school who ended up in the same year as me second time round.

This friend either doesn't realise how important this is or doesn't care. You should sit her down one last time and say to her:

"Look, I know you think I'm blowing you off all the time lately but I'm not. I have very important exams coming up that I CANNOT afford to have to repeat again. It's nothing against you or our friendship but I need you to cut me some slack. Don't give me a hard time when I can't go out. It just puts more pressure on me where there's none needed. I will hang out when I can but for the next couple of months, I'm gonna be pretty busy."

That is what I would say. If she can't understand or is being ambivalent about it, ditch her until your exams are finished. If you still wanna salvage the friendship then, you can get back in contact.

Best of luck, OP.

CR

gugleguy

Had friends behave like that back when I was repeating my LC in 1991.
Not my friends now, indeed I have'nt gone to any Class Re union since 1993 thereabouts. I spoke to a classmate of my 1990 LC last in 2003 :rolleyes:
My 1990 LC results were down to me - I'll say that much
Life goes on

Eric Cartman

OP , is your friend by any chance gone to trinity ? this seems to happen a lot when people go there

Maple

Eric Cartman, please familiarise yourself with the charter before posting again.

Maple

Eric Cartman

maple wrote: »

Eric Cartman, please familiarise yourself with the charter before posting again.

Maple

sorry, i dont mean to come accross as harsh but this actually happened to anyone I knew who went there , people just seem to meet a lot of friends and get involved in a different pattern of going out and rarely have time for friends at home , was offering a suggestion to the OP that it may not just be them that the friend is ignoring

Maple

OP, yes I've been in your position. I repeated my LC while a good number of my friends went on to college. It's a tough thing to do. Myself and the girls all fell out for a while, we were at different stages of our lives and it was frustrating feeling like I was the one behind and that they weren't making any effort with me. But we had a chat and sorted it all out. Many, many years later we're still friends.

Straight off, the first thing I would advise is having a word with your friend. You can discuss this issue in a calm and rational manner, it doesn't have to become an argument. Confrontation isn't always a bad thing if it's done in the right manner. Because this is brewing under the surface with you and you're going to explode some day soon. Plus you're under a lot of stress already, don't add to the burden unnecessarily.

If you really feel like you want to save the friendship, then have a word with her. She might not realise that she's upsetting you.

Best of luck

Maple

Eric Cartman wrote: »

sorry, i dont mean to come accross as harsh but this actually happened to anyone I knew who went there , people just seem to meet a lot of friends and get involved in a different pattern of going out and rarely have time for friends at home , was offering a suggestion to the OP that it may not just be them that the friend is ignoring

This post is helpful to the OP once you omit the Trinity reference.

Your initial post was not and instead made a sweeping generalisation about students attending Trinity college.