help, negative parents

mrs.f

Ok, so i'm in the middle of buying a house with my partner and since we decided to go ahead with the purchase my father has stopped talking to me and my mother just repeats my fathers view on things.

They feel I shouldnt buy yet due to the economy & how things may be turning out.

I have listened to their points of views and researched everything alot..e.g. affordability if interest rates go way up etc.

We are also getting this house for a very reasonable price - 30k less than reduced asking & its not as if we are going into this with our eyes closed.

The whole situation has really affected how excited i originally was when we started looking at houses.. & when we got the sale price agreed on, all i thought was " now i have to tell my parents" - not happy that we were getting our own home.

I keep hearing 'prices will fall, you'll get a nicer cheaper house if you wait' but my partner and I are very happy with our choice.

They now seem to be finding out anything negative they can about the place we are going to buy.

Also the way they talk to me is so condescending re the purchase.

Its really upsetting me & im at breaking point with them, i don't want to fall out with them but what else can I do when they are sooo negative about this major- supposed to be exciting step in my life,

Afterall it is our own decision.

what to do?

Ken.

As long as it's your own money tell them to butt out. We all have to start somewhere and our parents need to face the facts.
Btw do you live with your parents right now and pay rent, they may be selfishly trying to keep you so they can keep getting money.

mrs.f

no im renting with my partner at the minute and as you said we all have to start somewhere, just would like some support and if not for them to be quiet and stop being so negative!:(

bert61

my parent's also

Morag

You are adults, in charge of your own lives and making your own decisions.
You do not neeed your parents approvals, yes it is nice when they agree and wish you well but it's your life not thiers.

I suggest the next time she starts turn to her and make full eye contact and say
"Thank you for your input, we've had several discussion and this is what we are doing and there is no need to talk about it any more." If she persistes, change the topic and if that doesn't work leave the room or ask her to leave as she is being rude and disrespectful.

johnboysligo

just ask your parents if they think its better than you rent rather than buy and why?

kindly inform them that paying someone else's mortgage on their property is hardly the most sensible idea anyone has ever had especially if you and your partner are holding down secure jobs.

its your money, spend it as you please, if your father can't understand this heaven help him if you decide to get married or have children.




oh and don't forget sometimes some people just don't want to listen, and can't understand why you won't listen to them.

mrs.f

Thanks guys! It's hard to know what to do when you are in the middle of something like this & others perspectives are much clearer!
Thanks

Zen65

mrs.f wrote: »

They feel I shouldnt buy yet due to the economy & how things may be turning out.

Fear not,

Your father will be 'round with the paint brush and tools to do any DIY that needs done just as soon as you complete the purchase. In these uncertain times, it is understandable that they should worry about your choices in life.

If you've worked out that you can afford this house (and you've considered how you'll continue your mortgage payments when interest rates go up) and you like the area, then let your folks know this and then do what you believe is best.

Be at peace,

Z

iguana

This is not what you want to hear, but.....

mrs.f wrote: »

We are also getting this house for a very reasonable price - 30k less than reduced asking & its not as if we are going into this with our eyes closed.

Tbh, I agree with your parents. Original asking prices have absolutely nothing to do with value so if you are making comments like the one quoted above to your parents I can see why they are so worried. If you want to know the value of the house you multiply the rent achievable on that property by 110 and by 150. The value is something between those two figures. And bear in mind that rents are still being propped up by rent allowance which will have to go sooner or later as the state can't afford it, so rents will be falling meaning that house values will fall even further.

At the end of the day it's your decision but perhaps you should hear your parents out fully. How will you feel if in three years your house is worth half of what you owe on it and your monthly repayments have doubled due to IR rises? Honestly? Because that is very, very likely to happen.

Talk to them properly, educate yourself on real economics, not soundbites. Then if you still go ahead with your decision at least you can show your parents that you genuinely accounted for every possibility. They aren't being mean and trying to ruin your happy buzz. You are about to make what is most likely the worst financial decision of your life, they are only negative about this because they care about you.

kindly inform them that paying someone else's mortgage on their property is hardly the most sensible idea anyone has ever had

This by the way is exactly the type of poorly educated soundbite which you need to get out of the mindset of. You pay interest on a mortgage, that's basically rent on money and at present much less financially sound than paying rent on a place to live.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

mrs.f

Just because I haven't written all the research I have done on buying this house in this post does not mean you can say I haven't, I have researched every aspect of this buy extensively and above is one tiny bit of what I have done. As for the house price this has already fallen over 60 percent from it's peak and is in line with your price of 160k.

seamus

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

Well negative equity is only an issue if you want to sell.

Also remember that we have no idea how long its going to take. It could take five or ten years to reach the bottom, all the while the OP and her partner are renting somewhere which they do not feel is their permanent home. They may be planning on marriage and children and ultimately want to have "their" home and not an unstable rental property in which to raise their family. Tenants have poor protection under Irish law and I wouldn't like to be living in a place that I love in the knowledge that the landlord could pull the rug out from under me at any time because he fancied moving his son in or wanted to sell.

That said, it would be folly to ignore her parents' advice completely. I remember when we were looking around there were 2 or 3 places that we had decided we loved, so we brought our parents for a look. Although they curbed their negativity somewhat, they were upfront about the places being too small or too far away or asking a ridiculous price or whatever, all the while we'd be saying, "Ah no sure it's fine, we can do X, Y & Z".
Looking back now, we know how right they were and the place we finally bought is the only one that there were no negative comments about.

Although I might get shot down as sexist, I do think there's probably an element of overprotection for the OP because she's a girl (presumably by the username). Young men tend to be "allowed" to go off and fend for themselves and make their own fiscal mistakes, whereas fathers can often continue to feel responsible for providing for their daughters and in instances like this can get really worried when they think the daughter is making a poor financial decision.

OP, all I can advise is to not totally ignore your parents' comments. Instead of jumping immediately to defend your decision, look at your parents objections, eh, objectively and see if they have merit or if you're really confident that you've covered the bases and you're not going to be in financial difficulty by getting a mortgage.

Ultimately they will come around. When they see that you've bought and your world hasn't come crashing down, instead you're blissfully happy in your home, they'll forget all about their objections.

Just don't complain about being in negative equity!

iguana

seamus wrote: »

Well negative equity is only an issue if you want to sell.

It really, really isn't. The equity you have in you house is a very big factor when it comes to the interest rate you pay. If you are in negative equity at the end of your fixed/tracker rate you are completely at the mercy of the bank's SVR. A lot of people who thought that NE only mattered if they were selling and bought in 07/08 are currently paying 4% above the base rate because they have no options to move or renegotiate. That's quite a chunk of extra interest each month.

solovely

God help you Mrs. F, if the negative reaction you are getting from your parents is anything like what you're getting here from total strangers, I can imagine how stressful it is.

I can imagine it must be so hard, when this is the biggest thing you have done in your life, and something you want to be so excited about, and some of the people you care about the most are being negative about it. It sounds like it really sucks.

I bought my house a year and a half ago on my own, and luckily my parents were really supportive (emotionally I mean, not financially) and it made it all the easier and more exciting. They did, of course, have the concerns that everybody in the country now has about buying a house, but I explained I was buying for lifestyle, not financial, reasons.

I can see some of the posters here see buying a house as purely a financial, investment focused transaction, and it's their perogative to have that opinion. But for myself, and by the sounds of it, the OP ,and many others, buying a house is about owning a home. It's a lifestyle choice.

Since I bought my house, I have been a lot better off financially (mortgage less rent from lodgers is a lot less than rent I was paying, plus I'm not saving as much), I feel more confident, my social life is better, I've got waaay more space, I feel more secure in the world, I still get excited every night when I turn the key in my door. Renting on my own, I felt like I was throwing away dead money every month, I had no security, nothing physical to be proud of, nothing to get excited about coming home to every evening. It may sound sad, but owning my own home (not "house") has made me happy (and I'm financially better off too, so woohoo), so all those arguments about negative equity fall on deaf ears in my case.

Looks like the OP has done her research, knows the pros and cons of what she's getting into, and herself and her partner have decided this is the best course of action for their current and future lifestyle. Feck the begrudgers Mrs. F, as you know yourself, if it turns out to be the wrong decision, you're the one who'll have to face the consequences, not them, so let them have their say, then ignore it. My advice with the parents would be to sit them down and explain that you are not doing this purely for financial reasons, it's for you and your partners lifestyle and happiness. That it is what you really want and you are grown up enough to accept the consequences yourself.

Luckily, we don't all live in a world fuelled by the accumulation of wealth, some of us are fuelled by a desire for happiness, so just try explain that to your parents.

Good luck!!!!

seamus

iguana wrote: »

The equity you have in you house is a very big factor when it comes to the interest rate you pay.

The equity in your house bears no relation to the interest you pay. The amount of your mortgage determines this. You are correct in that negative equity means you have no "out" if you find that you can't manage your repayments, but if the OP has adequately stress-tested their incomes up to 7/8% interest, it shouldn't be a major factor.

Again, if they have no intention of moving to a different property over a serious timeframe (10/20 years), negative equity is not an issue. Their repayments will not change if/when the value of the property drops. They will only change in line with variable rate changes, which is something they should be prepared for.

snugglebear

When me and my partner bought our house last year my parents were a bit like that, I think it was more to do with the fact I was moving from wicklow to dublin, they thought we were paying too much aswell and that the prices would come down further, turns out they were right but i explained at the time that we had done our research, the price we paid was well within our means and we were buying the house to live in and not to make money.
It's our home not an investment
I organised a viewing for them before we moved in and once they seen the place and realised the trip from Wicklow was only about 40 mins they came around.
Now I can't get rid my them, my dad went over the whole house and pointed out faults we had missed, so the owners fixed them before we moved in and they have helped us out with loads of DIY work aswell.

iguana

seamus wrote: »

The equity in your house bears no relation to the interest you pay. The amount of your mortgage determines this. You are correct in that negative equity means you have no "out" if you find that you can't manage your repayments, but if the OP has adequately stress-tested their incomes up to 7/8% interest, it shouldn't be a major factor.

Again, if they have no intention of moving to a different property over a serious timeframe (10/20 years), negative equity is not an issue. Their repayments will not change if/when the value of the property drops. They will only change in line with variable rate changes, which is something they should be prepared for.

So paying an extra €2k a year on interest because they are in negative equity and stuck on their banks SVR doesn't matter? Paying an extra €2k a year of absolute dead money isn't irrelevant just because you can afford it.

seamus

iguana wrote: »

So paying an extra €2k a year on interest because they are in negative equity and stuck on their banks SVR doesn't matter? Paying an extra €2k a year of absolute dead money isn't irrelevant just because you can afford it.

I'll put it another way - even if they weren't in negative equity, they won't get a significantly better rate from another bank by moving their mortgage, and most people wouldn't move to a different home for the sake of saving €2k/year unless they're completely on the breadline. If they budget properly, high interest rates won't leave them on the breadline and therefore the need to move isn't an issue.

mrs.f

Thanks guys!
Yes we are buying a house purely for it being a home as we do already have a child together & don't see us moving out ever unless something drastic changes! From my calculations we would also be better off in our own home based on the payments vs our rent!