Advice-Split on holidays

mazi

My boyfriend & I decided to go travelling for a year and we are 3 months into it.He wants to extend his visa but I am happy enough with a year for now.I also intend to apply for 3rd level education after the year is up (all going well I get accepted).

I've spoken about it to him as to where our relationship is going because he doesn't want to live back in Ireland again & wait until I finish my degree. My only conclusion is because we know now what each other wants that we should end it instead of prolonging what is going to be the inevitable in the future.It's a really hard decision to make because we've been together 1 year + but I can't help but think it's the only solution.If we stay together till the year is up it's going to be harder.

Any other solutions?

Would you not consider a long distance relationship if you're together 2 years at the end of the hol

mazi

bluewolf wrote: »

Would you not consider a long distance relationship if you're together 2 years at the end of the hol

It would never work if he were living in the continent & I was in Ireland.The whole long distance never really works.I know peoples plans can change but he seems adamant that he's here so another year although he hasn't applied for his 2nd year yet.

mazi

mazi wrote: »

It would never work if he were living in the continent & I was in Ireland.The whole long distance never really works.I know peoples plans can change but he seems adamant that he's here so another year although he hasn't applied for his 2nd year yet.

Well obviously I'm going to disagree since I've been in a LDR for the last 2.5 years with someone in germany :pac:

Why dont you enjoy yourselves together for the year and see how you feel then - you may feel differently about a LDR then or he may want to come home or you might want to stay or whatever. He might be offered a dream-something back home.
You never know what's going to happen down the line - I mean look already at what's happened with ye 3 months in, albeit not for the better.

I think you should not end it now just because of something that may or may not happen later on, I think you should stay together if you are happy together and cross that bridge when you come to it.

mazi

bluewolf wrote: »

Well obviously I'm going to disagree since I've been in a LDR for the last 2.5 years with someone in germany :pac:

Why dont you enjoy yourselves together for the year and see how you feel then - you may feel differently about a LDR then or he may want to come home or you might want to stay or whatever. He might be offered a dream-something back home.
You never know what's going to happen down the line - I mean look already at what's happened with ye 3 months in, albeit not for the better.

I think you should not end it now just because of something that may or may not happen later on, I think you should stay together if you are happy together and cross that bridge when you come to it.

I understand the long distance works for some people but it wouldn't for me.I have thought about that too that a lot can change over the year.We get on really well & love each other so it's not an issue there.I am just afraid of being even more hurt a year down the line and always having it at the back of my mind, it would be a lot harder?

mazi

mazi wrote: »

I understand the long distance works for some people but it wouldn't for me.I have thought about that too that a lot can change over the year.We get on really well & love each other so it's not an issue there.I am just afraid of being even more hurt a year down the line and always having it at the back of my mind, it would be a lot harder?

Well I guess if you do decide to stick it out you'll have to convince yourself you've decided it and accept whatever happens.
I mean it's going to hurt either way, maybe if you stick it out you'll have more happy memories together and a chance of something better happening that will resolve it for you. Whereas just cutting it off now, well there's no chance of working something else out then.

I suppose there's no point telling you to put it out of your head for the moment

mazi

bluewolf wrote: »

Well I guess if you do decide to stick it out you'll have to convince yourself you've decided it and accept whatever happens.
I mean it's going to hurt either way, maybe if you stick it out you'll have more happy memories together and a chance of something better happening that will resolve it for you. Whereas just cutting it off now, well there's no chance of working something else out then.

I suppose there's no point telling you to put it out of your head for the moment

That's the problem is putting it out of my head.I'm leaving tomorrow for another city ( in the same country) so maybe we need time to think alone to see what it's really like without the other person!?

Do you mind me asking; Do you travel to Germany every month or how does that work?

mazi

mazi wrote: »

That's the problem is putting it out of my head.I'm leaving tomorrow for another city ( in the same country) so maybe we need time to think alone to see what it's really like without the other person!?

Do you mind me asking; Do you travel to Germany every month or how does that work?

Absence makes the heart grow fonder!
Yeah maybe it'll give you a taste. I dont know what else to say really, I just know if it was me I'd stick it out and see what happens.

Yeah we take turns flying every 2 or 3 weeks and stay for the weekend.
In the meantime there is skype and phones and texting and everything

mazi

bluewolf wrote: »

Absence makes the heart grow fonder!
Yeah maybe it'll give you a taste. I dont know what else to say really, I just know if it was me I'd stick it out and see what happens.

Yeah we take turns flying every 2 or 3 weeks and stay for the weekend.
In the meantime there is skype and phones and texting and everything

Oh I see, it's not too bad when it's in Europe but I'm in Canada so Canada-Ireland is just too much of a distance and not to mention flights

mazi

mazi wrote: »

Oh I see, it's not too bad when it's in Europe but I'm in Canada so Canada-Ireland is just too much of a distance and not to mention flights

Oh when you said on the continent I assumed you meant Ireland - europe.
Yeahhh that could be a pain all right.


Well best of luck whichever you decide

Acoshla

Mazi I doubt this will help you but I'll tell you my experience. I was with my boyfriend (now ex so there's the end of the story already!) for 3 years when we moved to Canada for what was meant to be a year and then home again. About 7 months into it he told me he wanted to go travelling with the lads when the year was up, and he wanted me to go home and basically wait for him I was devastated, because I thought how am I supposed to go through the rest of this year knowing he wants to leave me at the end of it? That night I could've happily packed my bags and come home except I didn't have the money, that was honestly the only thing that kept me there through the first week after. In the end I just had to accept it, and for a while I was stupidly optimistic (this bit applies solely to my relationship because really we should've broken up long ago) and was thinking it'll all be fine, he'll be home in about 7/8 months and it'll all be grand (we had done long distance for about a year before), but it did hurt. Now I am glad that we had the fun few months together before I came home, and I would've been mad at myself if I had bailed on the experience just because of him changing his mind on what he wanted.

So I would say try and accept it and enjoy yourself and have fun together, what's the alternative?

However I do know a girl who spent a year with her boyfriend working in Canada and they are still together, but he was home every 6 weeks ish, which is very tough from Canada financially and everything, my Mom visited me 3 times in a year there and it cost her €10,000, so it is a tough country to do LDR to.

Best of Luck OP xx

mazi

Spadina wrote: »

Mazi I doubt this will help you but I'll tell you my experience. I was with my boyfriend (now ex so there's the end of the story already!) for 3 years when we moved to Canada for what was meant to be a year and then home again. About 7 months into it he told me he wanted to go travelling with the lads when the year was up, and he wanted me to go home and basically wait for him I was devastated, because I thought how am I supposed to go through the rest of this year knowing he wants to leave me at the end of it? That night I could've happily packed my bags and come home except I didn't have the money, that was honestly the only thing that kept me there through the first week after. In the end I just had to accept it, and for a while I was stupidly optimistic (this bit applies solely to my relationship because really we should've broken up long ago) and was thinking it'll all be fine, he'll be home in about 7/8 months and it'll all be grand (we had done long distance for about a year before), but it did hurt. Now I am glad that we had the fun few months together before I came home, and I would've been mad at myself if I had bailed on the experience just because of him changing his mind on what he wanted.

So I would say try and accept it and enjoy yourself and have fun together, what's the alternative?

However I do know a girl who spent a year with her boyfriend working in Canada and they are still together, but he was home every 6 weeks ish, which is very tough from Canada financially and everything, my Mom visited me 3 times in a year there and it cost her €10,000, so it is a tough country to do LDR to.

Best of Luck OP xx

Crap! I've felt like packing it all in as well but I thought I've saved so much to come on the trip of a life time to throw it all away & just go home and be more depressed.So do you think I should stick it out with him for the year and see what happens?

Acoshla

Only you can really decide what the best thing to do is, but my last resort would be going home, why do yourself out of a year of fun because of a man? Your options are basically 1. go on as normal and enjoy the year together, 2. break up now and stay on yourself for the year and do your own thing, or 3. leave him and Canada now. You just have to decide what you want to do. If you think that you as a person and ye as a couple are strong enough to do the LDR thing then go for it, but really I think you should just take a few days, talk about it as much as possible to see what you both want, and then decide. But I really think you'd regret going home now in the future, no matter what happens between the two of ye, I wouldn't waste the visa and the time there, because trust me when you come home to Ireland to study/work/etc the memories of the good times in Canada will help a lot! And you're only just getting into the summer there, enjoy it

R.D. aka MR.D

Spadina wrote: »

Mazi I doubt this will help you but I'll tell you my experience. I was with my boyfriend (now ex so there's the end of the story already!) for 3 years when we moved to Canada for what was meant to be a year and then home again. About 7 months into it he told me he wanted to go travelling with the lads when the year was up, and he wanted me to go home and basically wait for him I was devastated, because I thought how am I supposed to go through the rest of this year knowing he wants to leave me at the end of it? That night I could've happily packed my bags and come home except I didn't have the money, that was honestly the only thing that kept me there through the first week after. In the end I just had to accept it, and for a while I was stupidly optimistic (this bit applies solely to my relationship because really we should've broken up long ago) and was thinking it'll all be fine, he'll be home in about 7/8 months and it'll all be grand (we had done long distance for about a year before), but it did hurt. Now I am glad that we had the fun few months together before I came home, and I would've been mad at myself if I had bailed on the experience just because of him changing his mind on what he wanted.

So I would say try and accept it and enjoy yourself and have fun together, what's the alternative?

However I do know a girl who spent a year with her boyfriend working in Canada and they are still together, but he was home every 6 weeks ish, which is very tough from Canada financially and everything, my Mom visited me 3 times in a year there and it cost her €10,000, so it is a tough country to do LDR to.

Best of Luck OP xx

This is very similar to what happened to me. Just different countries/reasons.

But basically we stayed together and enjoyed our time. We tried LD but it didn't work. So glad we are broken up now but enjoyed the time we had together.

mazi

Spadina wrote: »

Only you can really decide what the best thing to do is, but my last resort would be going home, why do yourself out of a year of fun because of a man? Your options are basically 1. go on as normal and enjoy the year together, 2. break up now and stay on yourself for the year and do your own thing, or 3. leave him and Canada now. You just have to decide what you want to do. If you think that you as a person and ye as a couple are strong enough to do the LDR thing then go for it, but really I think you should just take a few days, talk about it as much as possible to see what you both want, and then decide. But I really think you'd regret going home now in the future, no matter what happens between the two of ye, I wouldn't waste the visa and the time there, because trust me when you come home to Ireland to study/work/etc the memories of the good times in Canada will help a lot! And you're only just getting into the summer there, enjoy it

I definitely won't go home that's for sure because I will regret it. I suppose I'm just afraid of being alone and no one to turn to when things go wrong etc.I think taking a few days out from each other would be a good thing so we can get a clearer picture.

Acoshla

Don't be afraid of being alone, if you do decide to spend the rest of it without him throw yourself into meeting people and you'll be grand.

mazi

Spadina wrote: »

Don't be afraid of being alone, if you do decide to spend the rest of it without him throw yourself into meeting people and you'll be grand.

I'm quite active about meeting new people etc and outgoing so I should be ok.
It's just hard when you don't have anyone and all your friends & family are at home.

Acoshla

mazi wrote: »

I'm quite active about meeting new people etc and outgoing so I should be ok.
It's just hard when you don't have anyone and all your friends & family are at home.

It's only for a while though. I was the same, and to be honest being with my ex I might as well have been alone, he's not very nice really, not a lot of comfort from him if I was upset or missed home. You'll definitely meet some good people, I found that people are great for bonding together when you're in a country where so many people are visitors.

Good Luck x

mazi

Spadina wrote: »

It's only for a while though. I was the same, and to be honest being with my ex I might as well have been alone, he's not very nice really, not a lot of comfort from him if I was upset or missed home. You'll definitely meet some good people, I found that people are great for bonding together when you're in a country where so many people are visitors.

Good Luck x

Thanks a lot for your words of wisdom, it helps when you know your not the only one thats been in this situation!