Not sure if friend zone...

LegacyUser

Right, so everyone in my Irish module had to go to the Gaeltacht for all of last week.
There was a girl in my house who was very pretty and interesting and I somehow effected a successful flirting campaign which resulted in some fun times towards the end of the week. Good chats too, and she was entrusting me with some quite personal information about her past (she said she trusted me).

Now, I was aware that things might be completely different once we were back home and in real life and so on, but I also felt there was a pretty good chance that we might get together properly. I texted her yesterday, had a bit of friendly chat and then asked her if she wanted to do something sometime.

"Thought I might as well ask, y'know?"

Her response:

"Yeah, sure, I'd like to stay friends. We should get coffee sometime."

So am I right in thinking I've been friend-zoned? I definitely was not in the friend zone at the end of last week, I can assure you of that.

Does it sound like she actually intends to make contact or is it "I will probably never speak to you again"?

On one hand, I'm trying not to be too disappointed because I'm not in any worse a position than I was the week before (single, zero romantic prospects on the horizon), but it was really nice and exciting and I felt I was punching above my weight with her. Just feeling a bit wobbly and sick from the ups and downs of it all.

So I suppose I just do nothing. You can't really explicitly ask someone for closure, can you?

Vicxas

Sounds like you've been friend zoned mate... sorry

Sleepy

míchinnte wrote: »

So I suppose I just do nothing. You can't really explicitly ask someone for closure, can you?

Why not?

All it involves is telling her that you'd like to stay more than just friends. Worst thing that happens is a bit of embaressment if she doesn't feel the same way and from what you've said of your relationship with this girl whilst in the Gaeltacht, it's unlikely it'd ever go beyond the two of ye.

ash23

You said "thought I might as well ask, y'know" when asking her out. Hardly the most enthusiastic invitation imo.
If someone asked me out like that I'd think they weren't all that bothered and I'd probably respond in kind out of fear of making a fool of myself.

I don't know that I believe in this "friend zone" business although I do think if you don't make some move she'll perhaps think you aren't interested and act the same.
Take her out but make sure she knows you're treating it as a date and not just a hang out.
Bring flowers or make some reference to it being a date. Make it romantic.
Don't show up in your jeans and hoodie and take her to Starbucks.


Now its possible that she just doesn't feel that way about you and does want you as nothing more than a friend but you'll never know unless you try and if you're wrong and she rejects you, well, you've enough friends. Just move on.

LegacyUser

Just to give a girl's perspective....

If I had received that message after a week of not just being intimate but sharing confidences, I would have responded the same way.....not necessarily because I wasn't interested but I would feel a bit rejected.

It's possible she's not interested but it's also quite possible she feels a bit annoyed by the text - this is why I hate texting!

As the other posters said what do you have to lose by making it clear you like her more than a friend, especially when there's a good chance she feels the same??

LegacyUser

Interesting responses, thanks everyone.

The world is a strange place. I just bumped into her on my way to the library. Without me mentioning the situation, she apologised for being weird and said she'd only broken up with her boyfriend a couple of weeks ago. I said it was ok and assured her that she could have told me that. Hopefully we will go for coffee and make something non-awkward out of all this.

So I suppose I got the closure I was looking for, and surprisingly soon at that. Still, I am disappointed. It's **** when these things happen at the wrong time.

Regarding the way I raised the issue of doing something together: I didn't include my entire text in my post here, and it was definitely clear what it was I was asking!

IrishEyes19

dont give up hope just yet. Just dont hold on to it either!! If you meet up for coffee just be casual and nice, if she's interested, she'll come around to the idea. People are odd after breakups, emotions are all over the place and you arent sure whether you should rush into something new or take a break from dating.

LegacyUser

Very sensible advice, thank you, and that's how I intend to go about things. I don't have any devious plan to weasel my way into her life.

You know when someone's causing you emotional upheaval, but for some reason is still the only person you want to talk to about it all? That's what this is like. Which I guess says a lot for the connection (I thought) we made.