why won't bloke talk on phone?

LegacyUser

Any advice for what to do if you're in contact with a guy online? He's said from when online contact started to get regular that he won't talk on the phone, even though at the same time we were talking about meeting in summer etc, he's quite a confident guy and I know he's okay but what's wrong with talking on the phone?! I trust him completely for many reasons but why he doesn't want to talk on the phone - is this just a bloke thing?
Or maybe to do this would be too much and he doesn't want to get too personal too quickly, he's a romantic type I know. Then again he's gotten quite close in writing with certain behaviour and stuff he's said so I don't know what to think. Maybe this was my fault and he stretches himself to whoever he happens to talk to..
I've been in contact with him for around 18 months now on and off. He lives in the UK. We're both in our 30s and are mature(ish) and any flirting is just flirting but at the same time we know there's something underneath..and it's only a matter of time before we meet up, but how to make it happen etc??
Problem is in December we both got a bit carried away maybe around Xmas with expressing how much we loved and missed each other even though we'd been out of touch since early 2010.
Anyway I'm digressing a bit, but any advice would be so appreciated. Sorry for going anon with this question but I'll create a tmp account if someone answers. I just feel a bit lost in a way. I'm in love I think. And so is he. But we are each setting ourselves for disappointment maybe.. it's hard to explain.

LegacyUser

demand for your basic right! meet asap or talk like normal ppl in normal relationships

if he refuses, either hes tight on money and want to save cents, or he has no personality.. either way, if he refuses to do it the correct way, just move on, there are many ppl out there looking for healthy relations around you. g luck

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

I'd say he has something to hide.

It is so easy to have an 'online' relationship with someone these days - so easy to hide it from the partner who you live with/the wife you share your life with. Have you ever even met this man?

Fittle

OP, how can you be in love with someone you have never even spoken to?
How can you be in love with someone you had not been in contact with for almost a year?

He has something to hide obviously - he may not be the age he says he is/he may have a wife/partner etc, he may not even be male. He won't speak to you on the phone because he has something to hide from you, it's very simple.

Miss Fluff

he's quite a confident guy

and I know he's okay

I trust him completely for many reasons

he's a romantic type I know.

any flirting is just flirting but at the same time we know there's something underneath

Problem is in December we both got a bit carried away maybe around Xmas with expressing how much we loved and missed each other

I'm in love I think. And so is he.

I don't want to be unkind here OP but you can't possibly be in love with someone a. you have never even met and b. someone who you've never even spoken to on the phone. You don't know him and any shred of what you do "know" has been created by him.

Unfortunately saying you're in love with him is just too Fantasy Island. You are "in love" with a persona someone has created for themselves virtually on the internet. You obviously very much want to meet someone and being single can be hard but chasing a fantasy? "Falling" for someone you have built up in your own head as being a big love is setting yourself up for a big disappointment as well as being corrosive for your self esteem which is evidently pretty damaged as it is. Right now you could be missing out on real opportunities because you're desperately hoping that this is going to work.

Cut contact. If he is who he says he is then he'll be getting the next flight over to salvage this immediately. And I hate to be a pessimist here but if he can't pick up the phone to you then I doubt any grand gestures are going to be forthcoming either.....

metrovelvet

He's married or he's 14 and lives with his parents.

mood

I agree with all other posters.

Doesn't sound good.

DamoKen

If you'd only been chatting on-line the last week or two I would say that yes it could be a bloke thing. I know I'd personally feel a bit weird chatting on the phone with someone I never met but might be romantically interested in.

But 18 months and never met??? If you haven't met at this stage in all likelihood it doesn't look like you're going to.

You might not want to hear this but think you should seriously just forget about whatever persona you've imagined him to be, perfect in every way as only a daydream can be and live your life back in the real world, go out and meet real, normal and decent guys who are equally interested in meeting you. Despite what you may have heard they do exist