Not stimulated

LegacyUser

I will be objective.
I am mid-20's,male and live in a condo on my own and I work at a pretty boring but high paid(given my experience) job.
I am in my home(?) right now and around me is dirty clothes, food, coins in four different currencies, a few phones and about 20 tissues half of which are cum stained.
The cleaners won't clean the place and rightly so but I never really cared if they did anyway and my clothes all stink pretty much so I'll have to do a wash again before people at work start to notice.
So after work, I usually go to the gym then I have food(out, I've never cooked in my kitchen yet and the fridge is empty) and between 8-11 to masterbate, send informal e-mails and then look at some programming or Betfair or watch a movie....every night, this is all i seem to do.

Is this a viable long-term plan? I've been doing variations of it since I was 18.

I arrived here to work a month ago and I still haven't bought a phone that could work here. I need to look at my actions instead of my feelings and these actions or rather, inactions I'm having trouble interpreting on my own.

I feel like a mixture of the guy from Office Space and fight club.
It's not like I can't socialise, I go out every weekend and get drunk with people and talk to men and women and I tend to put a lot of dry wit out there that makes people laugh but I'm very weird to be honest and don't really click on a personal level only rarely and only with about 3 or 4 male friends I've had.

And so I had thought for a while that I could remedy the symptoms at least of whatever has me borderline dysfunctional, by getting a girlfriend. And I slept with a girl about a week ago, I'll arrange a date for next week but to be honest I thought she was trying to pull some kind of stupid power play on me recently and I'm not mad about her(so much so that I forgot that it had even happened mid-week for a while). It is what I need in some sense though, it would force me to do the normal simple human things right at least. It will buy me more time until I can figure out why the **** I don't seem to want to live.

Without being forced to, it's almost like I would do nothing which is a bit disconcerting.

I have a feeling I'm not the only one like this, I think there are probably lots of young men who go through this period of isolation ll in their own personal way but never-the-less it doesn't make the experience any less lonely.

ongarboy

Hi OP,

Have you ever been to counselling? If not, I strongly recommend it so that you can discuss some of the points you made in your post. Qualified professionals such as therapists/counsellors can help you in understanding why you feel the way you do and assist you in coming up with solutions on how to improve your lifestyle and provide you with the tools to create your own personal happiness (which seems to be lacking for you based on what you have said). You say you are in a relatively high paid job - this will make counselling affordable for you and will be the most rewarding return from any money you have ever spent.

Take action now - you deserve to be happy.

whiteonion

Seriously is there ever any thread around here where people AREN'T recommended to try counseling?

Ickle Magoo

Whiteonion if you have no constructive advice to offer the OP, kindly refrain from posting.

Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.

bert61

ongarboy wrote: »

Hi OP,

Have you ever been to counselling? If not, I strongly recommend it so that you can discuss some of the points you made in your post. Qualified professionals such as therapists/counsellors can help you in understanding why you feel the way you do and assist you in coming up with solutions on how to improve your lifestyle and provide you with the tools to create your own personal happiness (which seems to be lacking for you based on what you have said). You say you are in a relatively high paid job - this will make counselling affordable for you and will be the most rewarding return from any money you have ever spent.

Take action now - you deserve to be happy.

Thanks.. I also need this

LegacyUser

God this sounds exactly like me. Wish I had some advice but I'm in the exact same boat. All I can do you you is give this thread a bump

Firetrap

It might not do any harm to go see a counsellor as it sounds like you've lost your way a bit. Logically you know what's wrong in your life but you're struggling to get it together to remedy it. A counsellor is a professional who won't judge you but might just help you see things in a different way or perhaps have some insights which you'd never have come up with yourself.

Dravokivich

uncertainty wrote: »

It's not like I can't socialise, I go out every weekend and get drunk with people and talk to men and women and I tend to put a lot of dry wit out there that makes people laugh

I wouldn't consider that socialising, you're just going through the motions of what is perceived as socialising.

You're cracking the jokes, purely so you can be seen as humourous guy by other people. But you don't seem to be taking any benifit from that for yourself.

And so I had thought for a while that I could remedy the symptoms at least of whatever has me borderline dysfunctional, by getting a girlfriend. And I slept with a girl about a week ago

If you're in no state of mind to be considerate of yourself (clean clothes / apartment / food), how do you expect someone else thrown into the mix to act as a catalyst?

Counselling has been mentioned before as above, but I recon you need to start doing something for yourself.

Clean up your apartment for yourself.

Get in the habit of cleaning your clothes for yourself.

Get in the habit of feeding yourself instead of ordering fast food.

Once you get into "your" routine, start thinking about the perception you've been putting yourself down to...

poozers

OP, what about the things that you're good at?? that you enjoy doing?? are you really happy in your job and in your condo?? what is it that you've always wanted to do???

i've felt like this too about a year ago, but after months and months of being depressed and moody all the time, I decided to change things! I made a list of all the things i love doing, I signed up for classes. Rather than sitting down watching tv, i did little creative projects, i volunteer when i can. i feel like a whole new person, and i gradually noticed the changes in myself and felt better!

I agree with everyone else in saying to go see a councellor first too, they are there for this kind of thing, its their job, they will never judge you and will only help and encourage you! Totally worth while! best of luck OP!

I'm sorry but I have to echo whiteonion's sentiments here. Not every situation requires a counselor - I mean it's excellent to talk to someone, but it's always down to the person themselves. You have to get yourself out of this rut. Clean your condo. Go out and research activities to do that will take up your time and also help you meet more people - would you be interested in a book club? Dancing? Creative writing courses? Heck, even cookery classes, which might help you get into the pattern of cooking and looking after yourself. Something that would help. Anything would.

You've already looked at your life and realized what the problems are; you've done the hard part. Now do something about it, nobody else can.

cafecolour

Well, as has been said before, join clubs/organizations with an interest you have. Maybe a sports club, maybe a book club, etc.

uncertainty wrote: »

So after work, I usually go to the gym then I have food(out, I've never cooked in my kitchen yet and the fridge is empty) and between 8-11 to masterbate, send informal e-mails and then look at some programming or Betfair or watch a movie....every night, this is all i seem to do.

Maybe you should try unplugging for a week (or longer). Just don't use your computer at all (leave the power cord at work if you have to). You're jumping into your online comfort zone as a distraction. Unplugging doesn't guarantee anything - you might find new ways to distract yourself - but it will at least force you to find something else.

Miss Fluff

I would surmise from your post that all activity for you is solitary which probably isn't good for you and will only increase introspectiveness and feelings of isolation if psychologically fragile ot start with. Two things you can do immediately is:

Clean up the hovel that you're living in. It's disgusting and unreasonable of you to expect domestic help to pick up a trail of cum stained tissues to be honest.

Take up a team sport. Join a tag rugby or five-a-side time and partake in an interactive sport with a social aspect to it to start taking you out of yourself.

You're talking about getting a girlfriend to "fix" you. You need to be doing that by yourself before you even contemplating meeting someone.