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First times as a Bi...
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20-03-2011 10:07pm#1Hi everyone
I have always been attracted to both guys and girls (I’m a girl), and although 90% of my relationships were with guys, I was seeing a girl for a while, even though it was more emotional than anything else (ie. We never got to the very end of it, sexually speaking, but we kissed, caressed and were emotionally involved).
For one reason or another I always end up in long relationships, and now that I’m finally single again I would like to… er… explore a bit better with girls.
But I don’t know where to start.
I’m on my 30s, so first I’m wondering if I’m gonna come across as silly, for not having much experience. How would people take it if I’m just quite honest and say I don’t have a lot of experience? Would it be a turn-off? (I know it’s a generalisation, but…)
Second, I don’t know how to approach girls. I know there isn’t a general rule for it, but I’ve tried a few times in gay night clubs, and it seems like if I am too nice and respectful, they just overlook me. But I also hate playing games and being cocky. So any advice on that would be appreciated.
Or any advice really! Thank you very much in advance!
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Well first off, a lot of women come out in their late 20's and 30's and later, so don't worry about that!! being honest, once you're comfortable, is really important- most girls won't mind, in fact it can be quite lovely to know you're showing someone the ropes, so to speak!
Secondly, gay clubs are NOT the place to meet women. Unless it's a specific lesbian night (such as Klub Diva or one of those) it can be a bit treacherous- there are so many straight girls who go out with their gay male mates who can honestly get freaked out by a woman showing an interest in them. So I'd say stay clear of them for a little while.
The best piece of advice I can give is join Running Amach on Meetup.com. There's literally TONS of events from book clubs to walking tours to club nights and everything in between. the women are really lovely and welcoming, and it's a nice way to meet friends first, and who knows who else? Most of the events are based in Dublin, and I don't know where you are, but other stuff happens too.
It can be scary to meet people in your late 20's and 30's, a lot of the groups are set up for younger people. it can seem like the scene is geared towards much younger people, but Running Amach has an older profile, with most women in their 30's, at least from the events I've been to. I'm 28 and mostly I'm one of the younger ones.
There are also groups that meet in OutHouse in Dublin: I'm afraid Dublin is where I am so I don't know about the rest of the country. They have a group called First Out, which is for lesbians/ bi women who are coming out. Might not be quite what you're looking for, but here's the website anyway: http://firstout.yolasite.com/
Best of luck anyway. You should register here and come join the chat- sometimes there are LGBT boards beers, where everyone meets up. It's just nice to have people to talk to also. 0 -
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wonderingwondering wrote: »Would it be a turn-off? (I know it’s a generalisation, but…)
No. Like in fairness you'll get the random scene girl types who'll clutch their pearls at the thought but sure you're better off without them anyway.wonderingwondering wrote: »Second, I don’t know how to approach girls.
Definitely sapphic tendencieswonderingwondering wrote: »I know there isn’t a general rule for it, but I’ve tried a few times in gay night clubs, and it seems like if I am too nice and respectful, they just overlook me.
Honestly? They probably think you are straight. Don't take it personally.
Not a mind game connoisseur eh? Start learning!But I also hate playing games and being cocky.So any advice on that would be appreciated.
I'm a big cynic and you should probably ignore everything I've said here and instead heed the advice of Zoegh and Aishae. 0 -
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Spirited54321 wrote:Hey...I just signed up to Running Amach the other day, and at first in my head i was like yeah cool i will go to an event or two. And then i started to think...that would be pretty nerve wrecking...toddling off by myself to meet a bunch of random people...I don't know ... did you feel at ease?
I know, I thought the same too. The first thing I went to was a photography walk thingy with them, so at least I knew that if I was feeling awkward I could drift off and take lots of pictures of flowers or something, but as it happens there was about 5 people whose first time it was too, so aside from the awkward moment of 'ummm... hi' it was grand. The girls are really lovely. Like I said, I'd start off with something less intimidating like maybe a book club or something, or a cinema meetup, that way you're there because you have an interest in an activity as opposed to one of the nightclub nights where it's kinda weird. At least you can talk about the book or the film or whatever. You can pick stuff where less people are down to go too. If that makes it easier. I'll pretty much talk to anyone though, so I know some people might have a tougher time than me. You just have to power through!!!
And I think for most of the events the organiser is happy to meet you a little beforehand, so you don't go into a huge group on your own.
As for Outhouse, I've never been. I just stuck it down in case the OP was interested, although I've heard they do good stuff.0 -
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You can pick stuff where less people are down to go too. If that makes it easier. I'll pretty much talk to anyone though, so I know some people might have a tougher time than me. You just have to power through!!!
Thanks zeogh for response, think i may take this approach, dip the toe in gently 0 -
I know, I thought the same too. The first thing I went to was a photography walk thingy with them, so at least I knew that if I was feeling awkward I could drift off and take lots of pictures of flowers or something, but as it happens there was about 5 people whose first time it was too, so aside from the awkward moment of 'ummm... hi' it was grand. The girls are really lovely. Like I said, I'd start off with something less intimidating like maybe a book club or something, or a cinema meetup, that way you're there because you have an interest in an activity as opposed to one of the nightclub nights where it's kinda weird. At least you can talk about the book or the film or whatever. You can pick stuff where less people are down to go too. If that makes it easier. I'll pretty much talk to anyone though, so I know some people might have a tougher time than me. You just have to power through!!!
And I think for most of the events the organiser is happy to meet you a little beforehand, so you don't go into a huge group on your own.
As for Outhouse, I've never been. I just stuck it down in case the OP was interested, although I've heard they do good stuff.
Also sharing this fear of going to an event with people I don't know and its a shame cause they do really interesting things, gotta get over this fear of getting out there
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lushballs wrote:Anyone visiting Dublin, can join Running Amach temporarily to gain access to MeetUp Event information.
I was going to suggest Running Amach but didn't know if it was ok to join on a temp basis... Looking forward to popping in for a drink on Saturday! 0 -
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