how to encourage healthy living

LegacyUser

I've been seeing a guy for a few months, and everything is great apart from one thing that's starting to bother me... his weight and health. He was always a bit chubby and I don't mind that at all, but he's been quite quickly gaining weight. His lifestyle and work mean he's out in town and out socialising a lot, and from what I can see he eats at least one take away a day!

I don't know if it's something he notices or if it bothers him. It doesn't seem to affect his daily life or his confidence but I'm worried for a few reasons. Firstly I know that a lot of men in his family died very young so I'm really scared that there's family health issues and he's not helping himself by being so unhealthy. Also i've started to notice that after sex I have a really sore back or chest from where all the weight of his stomach is on me, and I even have trouble breathing during/after sex in certain positions when he's on top.

I think the problem is that he's just completely uneducated and thinks it's fine to eat like this. He'll say he hasn't eaten all day, so then he thinks it's ok to get a massive take away. We don't see each other every day or eat many meals together or anything so it's not like I can control what he's eating. I think he needs a serious wake up call about his lifestyle but I don't know how to bring it up without looking like I'm being shallow. I'm not exactly skinny myself, and I do go out drinking and eat takeaways at the weekend, but in my day to day life I make the effort to eat well. I just wish he could find the balance.

What's the best way to approach this without hurting his feelings?! Everything about the situation is great apart from this!

LegacyUser

I find it hard to believe that a person who is out (due to work) and eats a lot and still gain wieght!

Im one of the ppl who eat a lot on weekends or when i do nothing or when bored. but if in work or busy in gym or any other social activity, i always burn calories because im active.. the same happens to any other person who has active life style. So it might be a hermonal or genetic thing that rise his weight "uncontrollably"..

Opening the subject with him will only reduce his confidence level, or just let him insist on eating more in defiance of you..

I think you should just tell him about what happens with you, not him being big. Just tell him that you can have sex with him (or at least reluctant to have it) because hes pushing on you and you barely can breath, also tell him you used to be melting when his body over yours, but seems the extra wieght you gained killed it all.. something smart, kind and imply politly to his wieght will give him a great push toward his thinking in controlling his weight.


another example is to "force" him dress in some style that doesnt work unless hes thin or at least having average weight.. he will seriously feel guilty for the wieght he gained because he look not smart, and he will be very uncomfortable with that dress, and you keep insisting on such way of fashion.. he will eventually work hard on getting his body to acceptable level.



another example is a conenction friend, a friend (must be girl) who knows both of you, to arrange with her to visit you ro just meet you in a public place, then when she sees him, she just hugs or kissing him while she looks amazed how he looks different, and when he wonder different in what, she says he gained a lot of weight and looks older.. you must watch your weight or i wont hit on you anymore.. some cute line, so he feels he must change.


wishing you all the best.. do not give up, and if it reaches a dead end, just tell him, either me or your belly :-)

LegacyUser

Op I know how you feel as I am in the same situation with my OH. I have tried saying it, cooking him healthy food, offering that we go to gym together and nothing! He then goes through phases of "being good" which consists of him eating f all in the day then being so hungry he orders chinese. I have shown him the nutrition thread on here to no avail. So if you do get some advice, throw it my way.

UnlimitedDisappointment wrote: »

another example is to "force" him dress in some style that doesnt work unless hes thin or at least having average weight.. he will seriously feel guilty for the wieght he gained because he look not smart, and he will be very uncomfortable with that dress, and you keep insisting on such way of fashion.. he will eventually work hard on getting his body to acceptable level.



another example is a conenction friend, a friend (must be girl) who knows both of you, to arrange with her to visit you ro just meet you in a public place, then when she sees him, she just hugs or kissing him while she looks amazed how he looks different, and when he wonder different in what, she says he gained a lot of weight and looks older.. you must watch your weight or i wont hit on you anymore.. some cute line, so he feels he must change.

There is no way she can FORCE him to wear clothes, she doesn't own him and I would think he has his own mind.
And as I am in a similar situation as the OP, if a girl friend of ours said those things to my boyfriend, she would not be a friend again. Thats just the strangest thing ever to suggest.

Firetrap

Perhaps your not being too skinny yourself could be a useful tool here. How about telling him you want to lose a few pounds and change your lifestyle? Maybe even try to include him in that - going for walks etc. You could also bring things into the conversation like you've read how horrendously bad having a Chinese at night (or whatever) can be or that you never realised what stress carrying too much weight could have on a person's heart. Or perhaps this approach is too subtle?

LegacyUser

I dont think healthy food and gym can change him. In fact he will feel very unstatisfied.

I cant find any thing wrong with what the second post suggested, you may need to adapt a lil bit to fit the situation based on your partner's reaction.

greenprincess

wow i think that is terrible advice from UnlimitedDisappointment!! that'l just make him feel really bad about himself.

altho i am at a loss as to what you can do! if it really starts to spiral you'll have to tell him ur worried for his health

reprazant

UnlimitedDisappointment wrote: »

I find it hard to believe that a person who is out (due to work) and eats a lot and still gain wieght!

Im one of the ppl who eat a lot on weekends or when i do nothing or when bored. but if in work or busy in gym or any other social activity, i always burn calories because im active.. the same happens to any other person who has active life style. So it might be a hermonal or genetic thing that rise his weight "uncontrollably"..

Opening the subject with him will only reduce his confidence level, or just let him insist on eating more in defiance of you..

I think you should just tell him about what happens with you, not him being big. Just tell him that you can have sex with him (or at least reluctant to have it) because hes pushing on you and you barely can breath, also tell him you used to be melting when his body over yours, but seems the extra wieght you gained killed it all.. something smart, kind and imply politly to his wieght will give him a great push toward his thinking in controlling his weight.


another example is to "force" him dress in some style that doesnt work unless hes thin or at least having average weight.. he will seriously feel guilty for the wieght he gained because he look not smart, and he will be very uncomfortable with that dress, and you keep insisting on such way of fashion.. he will eventually work hard on getting his body to acceptable level.



another example is a conenction friend, a friend (must be girl) who knows both of you, to arrange with her to visit you ro just meet you in a public place, then when she sees him, she just hugs or kissing him while she looks amazed how he looks different, and when he wonder different in what, she says he gained a lot of weight and looks older.. you must watch your weight or i wont hit on you anymore.. some cute line, so he feels he must change.


wishing you all the best.. do not give up, and if it reaches a dead end, just tell him, either me or your belly :-)

So your advice is to humiliate him into losing weight? Wow.

And this is somehow better then actually talking to him because that might affect his confidence, something ritual humiliation won't?

Mighty_Mouse

Personally, I don't believe in beating around the bush. Straight out with it. Brutal, hard cold honesty is a serious motivator. Your piling on the weight. If you don't re-educate yourself interms of food intake I will soon find you unattractive. You getting so fat you're hurting me!! (define your own levels on what you can say!)

It could be an opportunity to lead by example. I want to help you. Can we make changes together.
Change your lifestyle gradually over the next month. Avoid every fad diet out there. (not a fan of weight-watchers but it helps some people get started)
Lead & he may follow

Permanent health means a change in mind-set; a change in outlook as to how you view yourself & life. It means a change in your attitude/mind-set towards food? Over-eating is a habit similar smoking or drinking; it's difficult to stop. It's not just a case of getting up tomorrow morning and deciding not to eat.

You need motivation
Google overweight, mental health & physical health, obesity, educate yourself properly as to what being overweight means

You need tools – goals & plans, nutrition (new recipes), new hobby (Yoga/Pilates)

Don't kill yourself. Start small, build up slowly.
Every day learn something new.
Push yourself just a little more every day.

When you feel ready, consider running.
http://www.c25k.com/
Pod-casts which take you slowly to 5ks in 8weeks.

3 days per week do floor exercises at home for 10 mins.
Push-ups, sit-ups ...........build up gradually, do more every day.

Use techniques such as impulse controls, positive thinking.
Teach your mind how to respond to that 2minutes of negative thinking before you go for a run by rehearsing your goals regularly.

In time you teach your mind, body & soul how to be fit & happy.
If you can discover physical fitness & the joy of a healthy lifestyle. It will change your life for ever.