My girlfriend has bipolar... what do i do?

Laisurg

I recently found out my new girlfriend has bipolar... and its started to show... i never really understood bipolar or knew anyone with it but its pretty intense, when shes even a tiny bit stressed out over college or anything, the tinyest unrelated thing can set her off and have her in a mood for hours, what can i do?

blue5000

Is she on meds? yeah stress can be rough on ppl with this condition. Try to give her some space when she's moody, other times she'll need a bit of support, try to find out which she needs when its happening. Hope this helps, there is an older thread on it here.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055807028

MASTER...of the bra

blue5000 wrote: »

Try to give her some space when she's moody

+1

Lots of leave me alone time.

I find running great....if she's stubborn enough to stick at it till she gets to like it, it's a great head clearer.

If she's not up for running, start walking and build up.

lauren12

I am so sorry to hear of your girlfriend's disorder. Firstly please realise this is not her fault and she doesn't want to be this way. Is she on medication for it and in therapy? It is so important that she is being treated properly so she can get on with a good life.

Talk to her openly about it, remember that some moods are just part of "life" as everyone has them, and some are part of the disorder. As she is a new girlfriend she may find it hard to talk about and think you may "scare".

Read about it, and approach with an open mind. And please remember she 10times more frustrated than you are about it and all she wants is to be well.

Best of luck
Lauren

neelyohara

You sound like an awesome boyfriend, she's very lucky!

I'd say spend some time on forums and reading up about it.

Talk to her about it, be open and non-judgmental, no doubt she is fed up with people giving her 'advice' and she will just want someone to listen while she lets off steam.

Be interested in her progress but not focussed on it... does that make sense? Asking how she got on with an appointment, etc.

Don't automatically assume every aspect of her personality or mood is related to the disorder.... people are happy, sad, tired, excited, etc.

In regards stress I'd suggest you help her take some positive steps to correct it. Does she see the connection between stress = bipolar?

Talk to her, try to find the source of the problem... is it the volume of work, has she fallen behind in any specific course work, is she applying unreal (and unwarranted) expectations on herself?

You should encourage her to speak to the college, they should have an advisor or disability support that they can offer her.

condra

Laisurg wrote: »

what can i do?

The last thing any ill person needs is their inner circle complaining, so don't burden her with your concerns about how her illness affects your life.

She needs you to show genuine understanding, patience and selflessness.

Laisurg

She's not talking any medication for it and doesn't want to, i wouldn't tell her that she should or anything because i feel it's her choice if she wants to or not, she missed an entire assignment due to being sick and not giving enough notice so she's very stressed about getting everything done on time now, on top of that she sometimes has to work very long hours in work and she gets very little sleep, usually as little at 3-5 hours a night, i don't really like bringing it up because i don't want her to think that i think theres something wrong with her or that she's strange.

She's currently on a waiting list for counselling.

The main problem is that she can become angry or annoyed about very small things, especially when she has problems at home with her family, for instance after she had an argument with her brother and later we went out to get something to eat and she became annoyed because i forgot what she wanted on her sandwich, in all fairness she was very specific about what she wanted on it.

She is also very concerned about other girls trying it on with me and me cheating on her, and other girls do flirt with me quite a lot so it is not just her being paranoid but even when i'm out with my friends and i've had a lot to drink i don't even think for a second about cheating on her but it's proving very difficult to get her to believe this.

On top of everything else she has said to me on a few occasions that she only thinks i'm interested in her for her body which is absolutely not true and i've tried to show her this but to no avail.

Offy

Laisurg wrote: »

She's not talking any medication for it and doesn't want to, i wouldn't tell her that she should or anything because i feel it's her choice if she wants to or not, she missed an entire assignment due to being sick and not giving enough notice so she's very stressed about getting everything done on time now, on top of that she sometimes has to work very long hours in work and she gets very little sleep, usually as little at 3-5 hours a night, i don't really like bringing it up because i don't want her to think that i think theres something wrong with her or that she's strange.

She's currently on a waiting list for counselling.

The main problem is that she can become angry or annoyed about very small things, especially when she has problems at home with her family, for instance after she had an argument with her brother we went out to get something to eat and she became annoyed because i forgot what she wanted on her sandwich, in all fairness she was very specific about what she wanted on it.

She is also very concerned about other girls trying it on with me and me cheating on her, and other girls do flirt with me quite a lot so it is not just her being paranoid but even when i'm out with my friends and i've had a lot to drink i don't even thing for a second about cheating on her but it's proving very difficult to get her to believe this.

On top of everything else she has said to me on a few occasions that she only thinks i'm interested in her for her body which is absolutely not true and i've tried to show her this but to no avail.

My wife was just like that. 12 years into the relationship she hung herself. That was almost 6 years ago now. I went through all that you are going through. She started meds near the end but tbh I think they made her worse and I later found out suicide is a side effect of the meds she was on. I know it sounds really mean but if I could go back in time and do it all again I wouldnt.
Im still recovering from the experience. 5 years before she hung herself she threw me out. She got the courts to sign the house, car, saving acc, etc. into her name and 10 days later threw out three kids out. To make matters worse she left everything to her ex bf who dumped her for another woman a week before she committed suicide. You just cant predict what someone with bi-polar will do next. Not that everyone with bi-polar is like that but I wouldnt take the chance again.

johnn

Prescribe her some Bi-Winning

tods

just throwing this out there as an another option.
didn't read the whole sympathy "you're such a good boyfriend post stuff"

been in your boat...

went down your road, genuine empathy, compassion, and human emotion to the hurt of another human being.

bipolar in some cases means "me fein", medicated or not...

decide what suits your life and make the decision on that, not what society says the situation is....

a bitch/leopard doesn't change her spots...



just an outthere side ;-)

Laisurg

tods you need to lay off the gargle, this is actually a serious thread, it's in very bad taste to just spam it like this, you could of gone to after hours if you wanted to post this useless rubbish to reach your 25 posts, i'd say you'll get yourself a week ban for this anyway so you'll probably have to start again, and breaking up with her would be a last resort where it was starting to have a serious impact on my life.

Skuxx

Todd the long-term illness forum isn't the place for you to be spamming and talking sh1t!!

Offy

After 12 years of living with and loving someone with Bi-polar I have to agree with what Tods said. It is HELL living with someone that has Bi-polar. It cost me a house, car, savings, etc. My three children and I were left homeless at one time when the Bi-polar sufferer used her 'me fein' attitude to keep the home I put together for our family.
OP if you lived through what I lived through you wouldnt be asking the question, you would have already said goodbye to her.

Laisurg

She's having a tantrum for no reason again, i'm starting to be more inclined to agree with offy and tods as time goes on, it gets harder and harder to listen to what she's saying and not get annoyed.

Offy

Laisurg wrote: »

She's having a tantrum for no reason again, i'm starting to be more inclined to agree with offy and tods as time goes on, it gets harder and harder to listen to what she's saying and not get annoyed.

After a few years of that you will begin to question your own sanity. By then most of your friends will have abandoned you. If your really unlucky as I was she will phone AGS out of the blue and have you removed from your own home leaving you homeless. In life you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else, are you qualified to take care of someone with Bi-polar?

Bigcheeze

If you're unhappy in a relationship with a new girlfriend, you know what you need to do. It's not as if it's a long term relationship going through a bad patch.

Sardonicat

OP, has she actually been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, or is she just telling you she has bi-polar? some pople make stuff like this up for attention/sympathy. Someone who would do this has more than likely got a big emotional problem that they probably will never adress themselves. Not saying this is the case with you GF, just putting it out there as food for thought. I know a few people with bi-polar, and they dont carry on like this.Plenty of sufferers do their very best with it and just want to get on with living their lives. At times they need support formn those close to them, but they certainly dont use their illness as an excuse to tantrum like a child.

Whatever you GF's issue, OP, her behaviour is making it difficult for you to be in a relationship with her.

If she has been diagnosed with bi-polar and is refusing to engage with the services available to support her then she is not making an effort to manage this illness. Bi-polar is potentially very serious if untreated. The onus of responsibility for this illness lies with her.

Bottom line OP: you will support her and be with her as long as she takes proper care of herself. If she doesn't want treatment, that's her choice, but you won't stay with her unless she takes this as seriously as she should.

And like i said at the start, find out who and when she was "diagnosed" with bi-polar, 'cos it sounds a bit suspect to me. If it's a thing she would lie about something as serious as this the only thing for you to do is run.

Novella

Who diagnosed her as suffering from bi-polar disorder? I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but honestly, to me, it sounds like she is just using this illness as an excuse to throw temper tantrums and have mood swings.

As someone who has battled with mental illness for the best part of ten years now, I am extremely cautious of not blaming my behaviour on my mental status. In fact, I'd say I'm even more aware than the average person of the effect I have on other people 'cause I constantly worry about bringing people down etc.

It's just not okay to act badly and say, "Oh, but I have bi-polar", ever. Sure, if she truly does suffer, she needs your support but god, you should not be living your life on egg shells wondering what she'll do/say next. It's not fair on you.

Laisurg

I was thinking that myself, but her behaviour on occasions is more abnormal than anyone i have ever seen before, at this stage i've decided to tell her that she needs to look for outside help or i'll have to leave, today was the last i can take of this, it's happening on a daily basis now and one of my close friend's girlfriend was diagnosed with bi-polar and seemed to have great results, i can only hope that she does listen and get help because this is actually having an adverse effect on my life now which i'm not willing to deal with at this moment in time.

neelyohara

Sardonicat wrote: »

If she has been diagnosed with bi-polar and is refusing to engage with the services available to support her then she is not making an effort to manage this illness. Bi-polar is potentially very serious if untreated. The onus of responsibility for this illness lies with her.

Bottom line OP: you will support her and be with her as long as she takes proper care of herself. If she doesn't want treatment, that's her choice, but you won't stay with her unless she takes this as seriously as she should.

Novella wrote: »

Who diagnosed her as suffering from bi-polar disorder? I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but honestly, to me, it sounds like she is just using this illness as an excuse to throw temper tantrums and have mood swings.

As someone who has battled with mental illness for the best part of ten years now, I am extremely cautious of not blaming my behaviour on my mental status. In fact, I'd say I'm even more aware than the average person of the effect I have on other people 'cause I constantly worry about bringing people down etc.

+1 for both Novella & Sardonicat.

If she has a genuine diagnosis she needs to take the responsibility of getting treatment. Some counseling won't solve bipolar.

Plus I think it's entirely reasonable for you to say this to her! If it were any other illness you probably wouldn't think twice about telling her to get treatment.

To me the whole thing smells fishy. Add to that the fact it's a new relationship... I think I'd be walking...

daisy1984

Hey Laisurg

I am a bipolar 2 patient got diagnosed last year, I was terrified cause I didnt understand what was happening to me. I drove my car into a wall so I could end my life, I survived thank god and was admited. Im on medication for the rest of my life and controlled very well. So my moods dont swing out of control anymore. I did stop taking them for little while, thought I could have a normal life again. Doesnt work and docs told me if I did it again Id be dead in 6 months to a year.

I made the choice to stay on them, having a proper relationship is something I really want but when people find out what you have they freak and call you crazy. I get that alot, I dont have many friends, my family are great but they dont understand. Don't get me wrong I still try have a normal life, Im thinking of leaving for america because they dont judge over there. I maybe Ill have chance of family then hopefully

Your a very good person to deal with it, and I wish you luck. but if she takes her meds, she will have a normal life and wont be as moody anymore.

Alwayson

Its been nearly a month since the last post here so maybe the relationship is over, or maybe not. I was diagnosed bipolar 12 years ago and I believe you have a duty to do something about it as soon as you know you have it. You owe it to yourself and those around you. I have no people who have it and don't do anything about it. A friend of mine spent (some people might say wasted) 2 years of her life nursing and coaxing her bipolar boyfriend to get treatment which he never did and eventually she listened to the advice of friends (including me) and left him. She is now happily married to someone she met subsequently.