My mom won't speak to me

LegacyUser

I get on very well with my mom. I gave her a key to my apartment before for her to use in an emergency. She doesn't use it often. My doorbell isn't working so I mustn't have heard her knock, but in she came last weekend upon me and my fcuk buddy. I was never so embarassed because we were getting to something extremely kinky. My poor mom, I must have given her a fright. She turned on her heel, walked and hasn't spoken to me since. I went home during the week and she went for a walk as soon as i came in and ignored me when i came back. How am i going to fix things?

Herodotus

You have done nothing wrong.

If anything, I'd imagine your Mother should apologise for not calling your mobile informing you that she was coming (and indeed that it was ok to do so), or even announce her arrival as she let herself in.

Was her storming uninvited in to your apartment justified? You gave her the key for use in an emergency after all.

Remember:

-You are an adult
-This was your apartment and your bed

I understand that it is embarressing for all concerned, but her behaviour is uncalled for.

Chuchoter

She's the one who waltzed into your apartment unannounced, were you a teenager in her house then fine, she can be pissed but you are an adult. She has no right to do this.

up for anything

Give the poor woman a break. She wasn't breaking and entering. She was neither storming or walzing. She used her key when there was no answer at the door.

OP, your mother is probably horribly embarrassed. What were you doing? My curiosity is champing at the bit.

You really need to corner her and tell her that you are as embarrassed as she is (sounds good even if you aren't really). It's probably not a great idea to go into any great detail but just break the ice - maybe with a joke if she is the type who would respond to something funny. Is there anybody living with her that would help you, maybe by being a straight man/woman?

Aishae

i do wonder how on earth she got to your bedroom - if she heard noises in a bedroom you wouldnt waltz in.
but it sounds like shes so embarassed she doesnt know what to say to you. so break the ice and make her listen 'im sorry you walked in on that - i feel a bit red about it too' hopefully thatd be the end of it.

Morag

Leave her alone for a while to process and get over the shock.

You're upset by what happened and what to run to her and make sure everything is ok and re assurances from her as she is your mother, but you have to take a step back and know that this will have changed things between you, at least for a little while.

Give her space, have a think about why you need her acceptance and approval.
Think about what will happen and what you will do if you never get that, and honestly do you need it?

I wouldn't make a fuss, give it time and then ask her never to walk in with out contacting you first beforehand.

cantdecide

up for anything wrote: »

...You really need to corner her and tell her that you are as embarrassed as she is...

+1

It'll be excruciating for you both but I think it's the only way. Best get it out of the way.

Firetrap

:eek: In an ideal world, your mum will come to terms with what she saw and get back on speaking terms with you very soon. If not, I think all you can do is take the bull by the horns (:D) and tell her you're as embarrassed as she is. Hope you can resolve this.

Neyite

Imagine if it was the other way around - if you went to your mums, and used your key when you didnt hear anything and caught your mum and dad doing *insert kinky act*.It would be a while before you could look them in the eye too. She is probably mortified. Wouldnt you be? I would give her a little time, then contact her and talk to her.

LegacyUser

We were in the bathroom not in the bedroom. The bathroom extractor fan is noisy, so that would explain how we didn't hear her come in and how didn't her us. And in she comes to find her daughter being kinky with a man. It was golden showers - oh the shame.

Will leave it time and give it a few weeks and hope it all blows over.

greengiant09

upset. wrote: »

We were in the bathroom not in the bedroom. The bathroom extractor fan is noisy, so that would explain how we didn't hear her come in and how didn't her us. And in she comes to find her daughter being kinky with a man. It was golden showers - oh the shame.

Will leave it time and give it a few weeks and hope it all blows over.

oh dear, that's a sight no parent wants to ever see!!!

sharper

upset. wrote: »

How am i going to fix things?

She's likely severely embarrassed, just as you are.

Neither of you did anything wrong, it's just an unfortunate combination of aspects of your life that you'd rather hadn't met each other.

I'd say you have two options: One is to have a conversation about her about it, yes you were doing what she saw yes it's your thing no you're not crazy and yes you're doing it safely and all the rest. Two is to pretend it never happened. Only you know best which is the way to go.

In both cases you're probably going to have to make the push to get back in touch because she's probably not sure how to handle the situation.

Aishae

shes prob mortified at what she saw as she never thought of her little girl as someone who has sex - or even if she got that far ill bet she never thought of kinkier stuff. so it was the shock of her life possibly.
you know her best yourself - would talking to her about it, explaining in a calm way that its just your thing and youre sorry she saw that and ask how she feels.

might also be an idea to put the latch on the front door when youre getting jiggy with it - as mum has a key - id say she'll be all the more careful in future. but at least if you tell her youll put the latch/bolt on the door when you are home and 'busy' so when she cant get in she wont freak out and she cant walk in on you again either. might be an idea

cantdecide

OMFG. What a nightmare...

Only you will know how the best way to approach the situation and what is and isn't appropriate. If you are both the type that would have a <really> candid chat, you could probably soften the blow by saying something like, 'I can't believe he talked me into it'. I suspect you'll have to spring out of the long grass at her if she's ducked you once already.

Miss Fluff

Oh dear. You're going to have to clear the air with her. Doubtless she is a little shocked but you're going to have to address it. Don't for one second go into detail/expand on/explain/attempt to deny what you were getting up to, you'll only make it worse. Sexual tastes vary wildly so its actually incidental the very nature of what it is you were up to, it was a sexual act. Phone her up and just tell her you feel bad about her having visited whilst you were in flagrante delicto and that obviously it was not intentional. You're close and it will soon be forgotten but worth you taking the first step and being mature about it rather than let it fester.

up for anything

upset. wrote: »

We were in the bathroom not in the bedroom. The bathroom extractor fan is noisy, so that would explain how we didn't hear her come in and how didn't her us. And in she comes to find her daughter being kinky with a man. It was golden showers - oh the shame.

Sorry but :D. You pissed the wrong person off. My fertile imagination is usually good at coming up with excuses but I can't even begin to come up with one to cover this. Time is probably what it needs.

purity

Op if anything you shouldn't be talking to your mother! You are an adult it was your apartment, and even if she did knock she still had no right to just walk in.
My mother has a key to my house but that doesn't mean she can use it to her own discretion, there are limits.

kevin99

Is that all? I thought you were getting a good old fashioned spanking and were tied to the four corners of the bed!!

upset. wrote: »

We were in the bathroom not in the bedroom. The bathroom extractor fan is noisy, so that would explain how we didn't hear her come in and how didn't her us. And in she comes to find her daughter being kinky with a man. It was golden showers - oh the shame.

Will leave it time and give it a few weeks and hope it all blows over.

Staplor

Just say it was his idea, and you've since broken up with him.

Fluorescence

Just never mention it again, and hope that this incident will lead her to ring beforehand in future :P. She'll get over it eventually, don't worry.

ppink

upset. wrote: »

We were in the bathroom not in the bedroom. The bathroom extractor fan is noisy, so that would explain how we didn't hear her come in and how didn't her us. And in she comes to find her daughter being kinky with a man. It was golden showers - oh the shame.

Will leave it time and give it a few weeks and hope it all blows over.

Hang on a minute.......she came into the BATHROOM, when the fan was on and she knew there was at least one person in there

you poor thing, some day you will laugh about it;)

Staplor

Maybe the fan is just noisey in the bathroom, maybe her mam thought her daughter had just finished in there, maybe her mam was bursting. Maybe..........:eek:

Naikon

upset. wrote: »

I get on very well with my mom. I gave her a key to my apartment before for her to use in an emergency. She doesn't use it often. My doorbell isn't working so I mustn't have heard her knock, but in she came last weekend upon me and my fcuk buddy. I was never so embarassed because we were getting to something extremely kinky. My poor mom, I must have given her a fright. She turned on her heel, walked and hasn't spoken to me since. I went home during the week and she went for a walk as soon as i came in and ignored me when i came back. How am i going to fix things?

Zing!

LegacyUser

You said you gave the key to your mum for emergencies only.
You not answering your door is not an emergency, as it logically would just mean that you must be out.[especially as she had not called to check if you were there]
So why did she enter your home when she thought you weren't there?
That is a bit of an invasion of privacy, so maybe she is also embarrassed that she was caught doing that? I wouldn't mind my mum entering , but you did say that you gave her the key just for emergencies.

On top of that, she is obviously got a huge shock and doesn't know how to react.
Her leaving the house when you called around again though, and then completely ignoring you in the house is a bit of an over reaction though. Does she seem angry/disgusted with you or think you are weird or something, or is she just embarrassed?

Either way, it's none of her business what you do with your boyfriend. You don't really have to explain anything in detail to her. If you want to make excuses for it though, you could pretend that you and the boyfriend had a few early drinks, and for the craic were just trying something that you read about loads of times in the magazines. Then say that you just want to forget about it, and move on.

Ickle Magoo

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