Listened to bad advice then broke up, redeemable?

LegacyUser

I was going out with my gf for 8 months and we broke up last week, we're both early 20s and loved each other very much, to make things easy here's a timeline of what happened. Bare in mind during that week and the week before I had talked to one or two friends and got terrible advice I now see.

Monday: Had a fight during the day, I was being silly, she said something in the heat of the moment. Had a talk after and seemed to sort things. That night she txt me after a bit and said she was a little freaked that we wern't singing off the same music sheet which scared the life out of me. She fell asleep before she could explain.

Tuesday: I went to her sister's play, things were a bit weird but I now see that was because she felt uncomfortable there. In the past people thought she was her sister's mother. I went back to there's (which the fact that the mother let me was huge, long story) watched a DVD, got on really well with the sister (second time meeting her) and as I was leaving I asked were we ok, she started but got interupted and I had to leave anyway. She said she'd txt me but didn't. She had a fight with her Dad and broke her phone so very very angry.

Wednesday: We were meeting up in the afternoon, after she met one of her friends for coffee. I decided we needed to talk, worried that she wanted to break up out of my insecurities and advice I was given. Literally before I left I was talking to a friend who was very harsh which stuck in my mind. I now regret that convo. We talked four nearly 3 hours and ended up breaking up. She cried, I cried (middle of the street which made it worse). I walked her to her bus and then went to my friends house for comfort and cans. We broke up because she was worried she couldn't give me what I needed and to not end up in the situation of one having to wonder if the other is happy and the other not being completely happy.

I've now realised that I asked far too much of her. She has so much on in life atm, lots of college work, difficult family life, works 20 hours a week etc. I was asking for things like if she's off at 2pm during the weekend that we go out in town, the park, cinema whatever. Not realising that she did that on the Sunday before the timeline above. A good friend made me realise this.

She txt me drunk last night. I know she's hurting, and I feel terrible for causing that, I'm devastated myself. I want to get back together as neither of us wanted to break up, we love each other, had planned to go away together in June etc.

I've asked to meet her on Monday after college. I'm going to tell her everything, how I was being a twat, listening to wrong things, getting worried about our relationship when she thought we were fine, that I know I asked to much and since I'm the one with the time I need to make sacrifices for her, not the other way around. I got too far in my own head and wasn't myself. I want to ask her to give us another go.

I think I need to talk to her just for myself. I've listened to others for so long and not myself. It was our relationship and I allowed others to ruin it.

teaspach

sillyboi wrote: »

I think I need to talk to her just for myself. I've listened to others for so long and not myself. It was our relationship and I allowed others to ruin it.

You know more about the relationship than anyone else. Outside opinion can be as much of a hindrance as a help. External advice always bring external agendas, which may have nothing good to offer your situation. Talk to her, and keep talking as soon as any problems arise. It does seem like it can be salvaged... go for it!

Azureus

It definately sounds like you two just needed a break to get some perpsective on things. Meet up and talk.

Be wary of advice from others and while taking opinions on board, get a rounded view of whats going on from difference perspectives, not just one person. People bring their own agendas and experiences to advice that they give and while this is often helpful, it can also be a hindrance. Take it all and let it colour your judgement, but dont let it form it.
Hope it works out for the two of you.

LegacyUser

Just back from meeting up and talking. We did break up, was probably for the best tbh. She's not sure if she's in the right place for a relationship and has a really negative view of herself in that situation which is sad, cause she was a good girlfriend and we did love each other. I wouldn't of liked for her to be in a relationship if she wasn't completely certain about it and I wasn't going to try and make her.

We ended quite well, neither of us felt it was real but it was. It's weird as at the start when we realised it wasn't going to work we were both really sad about it, quite teary n all that. But as we left it, walked her to her bus, held hands walking down, held each other till the bus came and had a kiss or two and promised to txt each other tonight.

It's weird, I never thought I'd be so at peace with it all, maybe because it hasn't sunk in yet.

Cheers for the kind words guys, definitely going to take it on board in the future.

LegacyUser

Yeah you know what actually screw that I've a right to be pissed!! I was an amazing boyfriend to her and she goes and ****s me over with some lame ass excuse and then expects to be friends straight away, total bull****. Always selfish, always thinking of herself, **** that.

curlzy

Hey OP,

Based on your last two posts I would suggest that you stay away from that girl. Your unexplained and over the top anger is quite scary.

LegacyUser

There's a back story to it that I will not divulge, because there's no point really. The relationship is over and that's that. And I kind of resent your insinuation that I'm some crazy weirdo that would raise a hand to her, I would NEVER do that to anyone. I loved her, things didn't work out, that's life.