Is bad sex seriously offputting?

LegacyUser

Hi, first ill just say nearly 30, if this was an issue posted by someone in their late teens it would be alot more understandable but unfortunately its not!
On the front of it Im a very normal bloke, been told im good looking(I dont know but more importantly Im very comfortable about all that whether its true or not)
But throughout the years I have had very little experience with women. Its just something I was always terrible at, not sure why because in general im a fairly confident and friendly outgoing bloke. It was never the fear of rejection, just one of these guys that had alot to say to some people and not very much to others. Unfortunately women were the 'not very much' category.
Recently i met someone who I think is quite into me, we hit it off one night and we were talking pretty much all of the night. We met again on another night out soon after, this time we went back to mine, and despite me being a confident guy who came across as good craic I was pretty bad in bed(probably a bit of an understatement) . I had trouble keeping it up at times (id only a few bottles of beer, this is psychological believe me), I was awkward and in general when I do get going I try and take it slowly because I will otherwise ejaculate too quickly but sometimes that doesnt even work. To sum up, just imagine you were having sex with pretty much a beginner. I was slightly worried later on when she was playing with me down there and I genuinely thought I was just gonna cum in no time.
Now dont get me wrong, im not all bad, i think im actually very good at foreplay . I generally tend to get women very very aroused, but I think this is why penetration tends to be a let down for women. But at least its not a situation where im like a 16 year old going for the finish.

Anyway enough of the details, does this kind of thing put you off a man that you like? Im not necessarily talking about a one night stand, Id say fair enough obviously does then, im talking about someone that you are actually into, someone that you actually spend more than the normal share of time on a night out chatting to?

When we finished I actually didnt bother bringing it up, I really think you end up digging a hole by showing your stressed and disappointed by it, I was even fortunately surprised at how I was able to shrug it off, when I was younger I would dwell on something like that, obviously if things were more serious then itd be worth bringing the topic up.

I know only experience will make me improve but does thing kind of thing put women off adults of my age?
Thanks for the help and please be honest !!

Stu

Personally, if i was in a similiar situation to you i would be honest and say "look, i don't have much sexual experience and am a bit nervous about not being able to satisfy you" If she genuinly likes you then it won't be an issue for her and she will be only too willing to put you at ease.

If you say nothing she might think it has something to do with her and that maybe you don't find her sexually attractive. Communication really is the key here. Would you dump a girl you fancied who was nervous when it came to sex, highly unlikely i'd suggest so just be honest and if shes the right girl, she will actually enjoy teaching you how to be a good lover and it will be happy days .

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Count Duckula

I've been in your shoes, OP. Admittedly, I'm slightly younger, but still well past the age when that bumbling uselessness part is supposed to be out of the way. I remember when I lost my virginity it was well overdue in terms of my age, and I was so nervous I struggled to get it up, and then had to fake an orgasm because I was enjoying it so little. Fake an orgasm! A man!

Luckily the girl I was with was both very understanding (though she doesn't know I faked it, and never will), and a little unsure about herself in that sense too. We were like teenagers together.

If the girl you're with likes you, then explaining everything to her will put you in good stead. Make sure you, er, help her out in other ways before you get straight to the sex as otherwise she might feel a little underwhelmed by the whole thing. But if you've explained your situation, she can see you're trying and she's also still getting her rocks off then I can't foresee too great a problem. Who knows, she might find the idea of you 'developing your skills' in bed with her a big turn-on.

Best of luck.

Distorted

I don't think its any of the things you mention on their own. I think its often a combination of things. And different things will put different women off. Some people can have sex with almost anybody, others require a real connection and chemistry. Personally I have quite a low boredom threshold and I admit I once got so bored during the act that I just knew I had to leave there and then, asap. I think at that point it had been going on for 3 hours.

Maybe you would be a person that would benefit from a longer build up to sex. e.g. several dates where you're itching to get your hands on each other but deliberately hold back, so that when you do, its more exciting?

LegacyUser

Hi all thanks for the advice, very appreciated. I think the best bet is just say it next time, I guess when your caught up in the moment you dont want to ruin the mood by chatting about that kind of thing.
But if I do meet her again and we decide to actually meet properly I probably will say it to her. I think I am quite good at satisfying prior to intercourse so I should probably use that to my advantage, it may help with my own confidence as well. In hindsight now Im kinda cringing about the other night.
And yes, your probably right about the booze!

The whole thing is an awful self fulfilling prophecy, I tend to often back out of situations because im worried about being awful, and as a result I gain no experience.

sarcasmo3000

ok well you know that muscle. the pc muscle.. (take a piss and try stop half way... thats the pc muscle right there)do not contract that muscle in an attempt to make your erection harder.. that simulates ejaculation and youll come before yer started...and youll be trapped in a cycle of erection trouble and premature ejaculation!..just relax.. get aroused in your own time, dont force it by contracting that muscle..
seriously though do what i say ,trust me i know what im talking about..

Ickle Magoo

sarcasmo3000,

This is not the appropriate forum for juvenile responses.

Please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter before posting in PI/RI again.