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Advice needed on sex/intimacy/arrrghhh!!!

  • 18-03-2011 4:00pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    ok, so I'm going unreg for this as it's a bit... personal.

    Right, here's the thing. been with my GF now for 6 years, I love her to pieces. Recently got engaged, the whole thing. She's still living at home as we can't afford to live together yet, plus she's just home from being away for about 18 months studying and working and so is on the dole for now (yay recession).

    She's just starting treatment and counselling for having been sexually abused as a kid. It's been an issue that's really been a problem for about 5 years. Our sex life has dwindled to nothing.

    I have lost a lot of confidence, it's hard to get constantly rejected, she freaks out a lot during most types of sexual contact (sometimes even kissing is bad). Sometimes it's fine, and we have had some sexual activity, although it's usually just me looking after myself while she's there and sitting on top of me, as opposed to anything else. (Sorry for being a bit graphic). Sometimes though it seems like she's enjoying herself, even if we rarely have mutual sex.

    Anyway, last night we were talking and she basically told me that she's never horny anymore, and so I asked her if anytime we'd been doing anything sexual in the last year or so, had she gotten any pleasure out of it. She pretty much said no.

    To say I'm crushed and messed up about it is an understatement. Ok, so I know that abuse is going to mess up your head for a long time, but to not get any pleasure out of being close to someone you love... I just can't handle that in my head.

    I'm kind of freaking out because I know I'm meant to see her tonight, and I don't really want to. What's the point? I don't feel like anyone could ever fancy me, and god knows the comments last night didn't help.

    Anyone have any advice?


Comments

  • #2
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    What an awful situation. It's good she is finally having counselling to help her work through it although I think as a couple you probably need to go to counselling together too. You can't marry each other if in a sexless relationship and you can't let this corrode your own sexual confidence any further. You should talk to her about it and see if you can attend counselling with her.


  • #3
    Permabear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39,022 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


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