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I feel so lost

  • 18-03-2011 3:01am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I just need help Im a 20 year female of asian/irish race and have been told I am very attractive by others and have been offered modeling jobs. But thing is I feel ugly deep down I dont like mirrors I see different to what others see me as. I see myself as the most ugliest thing in the world and I don't like people looking at me especially at my face. I have been bullied all my life mostly racism and emotional abuse I think has scared me deep down.

    I hate being around my family as I have one older then me and one 3 years younger then me. we all look extremely alike but being around them makes me feel ugly.My older sister bullies me stilll calling me names, even racist names and doesnt allow me to peak to her kids my two nephews and tells lies about me . I dunno why she hates me just does and I think through all my abuse I have developed a self hating regime and it makes me very depressed. i dunno what to think


Comments

  • #2
    Knasher
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,370 ✭✭✭Knasher


    Hey OP, just wanted to say that I understand the scars that can be left by bulling and how long it can take to get over them. Just bear in mind you are at an age now where your life will soon dramatically change and it will be up to you to make your own happiness. When I was your age I was depressed for a very long time due to issues that started with bullying when I was younger, and I won't lie and say my life is all roses and lollipops now but it definitely gets better.

    The best thing I think you could do is start getting some independence and living your own life, honestly its the best thing I ever did. I'm guessing you are still living at home but at college (judging by your age and the fact you are still having issues). If you need support, colleges often have a free counseling service you can get in contact with.

    Finally, and you should really know this yourself, but modeling agencies wouldn't have offered you a contract if you were actually ugly so I'd highly doubt you are. I'd probably put this down to feelings of jealously on behalf of the people who tell you that you are. If somebody tells you something often enough you can begin to believe it, but that doesn't make it true.

    As for the racism thing, I unfortunately don't have a lot of advice to help you cope with that. The most I can say is that some people will only ever see whats on the surface, but that's the smallest part of who you are. If that's all that people see then that's their loss but try your hardest to not let it affect you because they aren't worth it. That and it has been my observation in life that most people in school group together and pick on others out of fear more than anything else but when they move out into the world they are on their own and tend to get a little bit of cop on.

    Sorry I couldn't give you more practical advise.


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