Emigrate to Cambodia, find a wife, settle down and help the community. Thoughts?

democrates

I'm early 40's with a home in Ireland, never married and no kids.
Skillset/Toolset for IT, photography, and general DIY.

This is a draft plan.

Go to Cambodia for a 3 week holiday to see if it matches the expectations based on online research: endemic corruption, grinding poverty, resultant social ills, but lots of hope and opportunity.

Assuming a green light, sell off stuff I don't need and redecorate the Dublin house for rental, that will fund life in Cambo.
Go to Phnom Penh for a year of Khmer lessons at RUPP (http://www.rupp.edu.kh/rupp_wsite/stud_info/kff/kff.htm). I'm thinking that reading and writing will be more beneficial than just having enough spoken Khmer to 'get by'.
I'll have spare time to do voluntary work in PP, that can be researched in advance to rule out crap operations.

After year 1 if I haven't already met someone and/or ran home screaming, venture out into the countryside. I like the idea of settling in a small town or village and helping the community over years.
Rather than jumping in and setting up yet another MyNGO pet project, I'm impressed by the mindset behind Sustainable Cambodia (http://www.sustainablecambodia.org/). They get the community to own the endeavour, the locals prioritise and brainstorm, then the charity offers best practice solutions to various challenges, but with room in the process for customisation and innovation which feeds back to be replicated elsewhere.
Unless I find a better option it may be a case of joining them.

I make no apology for the fact that finding a wife to marry and start a family with is my top priority, and I may also start a business over there with local partners. If I settle there for years, there's a lot of good I can do standing on the secure foundation of inner contentment and economic security.

Please share any criticism or advice.

sombaht

If you are living off rental income only are you sure it is sufficient to cover all expenses you will meet in Cambodia? While south east Asia is very cheap if you still want some of the luxuries of western life (healthcare primarily) it can be expensive, plus you will need to factor in visa fees & associated costs (maybe travelling in and out of the country regularly to get you passport stamped, unless you will be eligible for some sort of work permit.
Bear in mind that rural Cambodia will be a complete at poles with what you can expect in a city like Phnom Penh. (basing this on my experience of living in Bangkok and rural Thailand). You will need quite strong Khmer to survive in a village setting as English will most likely not be spoken amongst the locals.
As for starting a family . . . are you sure you are happy to see your kids grow up in a developing country. Would you not want them to have a potentially better quality of life back in the West?
While its a good idea to head out for 3 weeks bear in mind that a 3 week holiday has absolutely no bearing on what its like to live there 24/7.

Best of luck with whatever you decide though.

cheers,
sombaht

democrates

Good points Sombaht, thanks.

I've been to Thailand and seen the BKK/countryside difference already, it's like night and day alright. I live like a hermit half the time as it is but came from a large family, I reckon I could adapt to country life but yeah living it is the only true test.

The visa situation seems to be really relaxed in Cambo compared with LOS which I'd looked at first, it's trivial to get a multiple entry business visa and border runs if necessary are comparatively less frequent.

As for the kids, if I can live there so can they , but good healthcare and education are exactly the kind of thing I need to give more thought to because they are crucial.

My quality of life in the west is something I'm not happy with. At my vintage it's slim pickings for child-bearing marriage material but in a more populous Asian nation with ~$2000 gdp per capita (~$8500 in LOS) I've got to have a far better chance and I can make a real difference to the life of a woman and her community.
Also I'm sick and tired of consumer capitalism, I can't stomach most tv ads for example.

I neglected to mention the loot in the bank which gives room for manoeuvre for several years, but with the cost of kids etc. I'll now change that 'may' to a 'will' start a business over there, thanks again. Longer term there's always the option of selling the gaff in Ireland, but only when I'm damn sure I'll be well set.

Thanks again.

dory

Just on the issue of the wife - this is what I saw in South East Asia:

Men in their 40's: delighted with themselves for finding a young, beautiful Asian wife.
Men in their 50's: angry with themselves for falling for someone who was only with them for the chance of a better life abroad.
Many of the marriages of the people I met fell apart because she'd only been with him for the material things, and often was secretly still seeing her local boyfriend.
Hate to tar them all with the same brush but be careful, being white and Western is like being a celebrity - and we know how their marriages generally turn out.

As for the rest - just do a lot of reading before you go. I love that you don't want to jump in and start an NGO. Look up PEPY tours, it was started by someone who went to Cambodia to make a difference too. There are many blogs on the topic.

As for the house - will you have an agent? I tried renting a house while away and it was a pain in the ass to be contacted about a washing machine when I'm on a beach in Thailand!! If you're sure you want to go I'd sell up and leave totally.

democrates

Lol Dory, you're so right, I'm an avid follower of thai-visa.com and behind the majority jaundiced attitudes are true scam stories. Just deserts imho for those who went over for poor young Isan women offering sex for cash, it's laughable when fat old arrogant expats complain that the young girlfriend fantasy was fake and the woman he paid for sex just wanted cash.

I had a Thai gf (university education and introduced through trusted local relatives, I've never played bargirl bingo). I split because the age diff was too much and didn't trust it would last, no matter how much I was told things are different in LOS I couldn't square the circle, why should she be stuck with a guy so much older. It took two months of delicate handling to 'dump her up on a pedestal' but I think I've helped her become a better person in the process.

Economic relativity plays an even bigger role in poorer Cambodia. While 60% of western women want to 'marry up', few face such a stark economic dilemma as poor Thai/Cambodian women if they're unhappy in the marriage.

The timing of this thread is freaky - Cambodia sets age limit for foreign husbands
Over 50's barangs banned from marrying younger women, apparently due to reports of old Korean men taking young Cambodian women as virtual slaves and abusing them.

Wouldn't affect me legally but I wrestle with the moral question: to what extent would a woman feel pressured by her family economic obligations into marrying an older barang like me. Now that I think of it, I shouldn't give any indication about the extent I'm willing to help the community as a volunteer and micro-financier, that would only put her under more pressure. And do I want my marriage to be some sort of volunteer programme 'with benefits'? Need to mull more.

Looked up Pepy tours from your link on another thread and had a good read thanks, that girl is one smart cookie, a rock of sense and humble to boot. Is she married lol...

As for the gaff rental a friend of the family manages buy to lets, I'd let her do the running for 8% and a family member can control bank withdrawals for maintenance. Thing is I'm actually a low risk operator by nature, so scam protection makes me want to keep my gaff safely out of reach when I'm abroad, it's a fall back if everything goes pear-shaped in Cambodia.

southsiderosie

Having recently visited rural Cambodia, I'd say be very careful what you get yourself into.

As a Westerner you will be targeted for every scam in the book. The funny thing was, it was pretty obvious, and people seemed almost embarrassed to be scamming (sometimes), but it was definitely there.

The bigger issue, however, is endemic corruption. There are very few foreign investors in small businesses there. In any area where there are significant revenue streams, there seems to be near monopolistic control, and from what I've heard, the state is often involved as well. Many of the charities and community development programs we visited were obvious scams.

I've spent a lot of time in poor developing countries, and something there seemed really off to me. The levels of overdevelopment in tourist areas like Siem Reap were unreal, and there seemed to be a strong undercurrent of resentment against foreigners. I was travelling with a family member who lives in and does a lot of business all over East and Southeast Asia, and she found it surprisingly unsettling as well.

As for the other issues, well, I don't think it makes sense to focus on reading and writing if you want to be in the countryside where illiteracy rates are relatively high. And to be honest, I find the marriage thing to be quite creepy.

You have a lot to think about. Good luck.

democrates

@southsiderosie thanks. The anti-Barang atmosphere you describe sounds an alarm. I'd put most of the anecdotes I've read on the likes of khmer440.com down to stupid guys who'd gone over to parasite off women trapped in the sex trade and got their come-uppance, but you guys have more credibility. Hmm.

I'd read about the scams, orphanages deliberately keeping kids in squalour to raise more funds etc. etc. The country is dominated by a kleptocratic elite and the World Bank land title program ended in failure. Even if they got hard title for the poor, gangs can intimidate and judges can be bought off... At the same time the government in fairness brought in the microfinance law, it's estimated that microfinance initiatives indirectly benefit 30% of the population at this stage.
All the problems are more reasons why the country needs genuine assistance that delivers tangible results. Education will also equip people to organise for the political changes they need.

I'll agree that marriage over there can be creepy though possibly for a different reason(?) The scam stories are rife, guys have even been murdered by their wives and/or their families so they could inherit his money. When you're worth more dead than alive how do you sleep at night, could be the stuff of nightmares. You could get a Catherine Nevin over here, but that's rare.

Anyway the corruption level is another reason in my mind why I should be able to read and write Khmer, due diligence is all about information, be it about a personal relationship or a charity. Besides which, I could then do things like translate GNUCash http://translationproject.org/team/index.html and other useful free software into Khmer, or maybe something for the OLPC project which Cambodia is involved in...

star gazer

On the voluntary work aspect of this, try to avoid potential conflicts of interest in your business idea with what you are taken on to do in the voluntary position and be up front with the voluntary organisation about what you are doing in parallel if that's how things work out. It does sound like you have a lot to offer a voluntary organisation and the people they would be trying to help and that means a lot.

The Volunteerism forum isn't really the place to go into detail on finding a wife, so if you want to go into further detail on that you should really start a more specific thread in the Personal Issues - Relationship issues forum as a better fit for that discussion. There are potentially important ethical issues to be considered.

<Mod> This thread covers a lot more than just voluntary activities which are more suited to Living Abroad or Personal Issues. If the voluntary side of this thread are peripheral I would ask that the central issues be brought to a more suitable forum/fora otherwise the thread may be closed. <Mod>

democrates

Star Gazer probably best if you lock this thread alright, it's too broad and will continue to invite comments outside the forum scope, my bad.