How do you know if it's right or not?

LegacyUser

My ex and I have recently begun to consider giving things another go. We've been broken up for over a year and a lot of reasons for the breakup are no longer valid. Both of us were unsure about rekindling things, but we're thinking it over. I was very keen a while back to restart things, but I'm having second thoughts now. Like everyone, my ex has flaws. She can be quite selfish and self-centred. She is used to being the centre of attention and she can be prone to doing what she wants, without thinking about me. However, she is also kind, loving, affectionate, and many other positive traits. So how do you know if you should get back together again? How many positive traits does it take to outweigh the negative ones? Is it worth overlooking one significant negative trait if the rest of the person is great?

CBFi

All you can do is give it a go but be honest and clear about your expectations from the start.

I'm not sure that being so unsure about her negatives is a good thing. All OHs have bad traits but maybe you should be focused on the positive?

Just me, but I'd rather have loved and lost then not tried at all. Go in with your eyes open tho!

SV

I heard this before and I never listened.. I was a victim of it though so I'll repeat it to you.


Exes are exes for a reason. Do not go back.

Azureus

I got back with an ex once. It went well.. to a point.

But the break-up was a lot harder on both of us the second time around because we knew this time it had to be forever.

Go into it with your eyes open. Discuss her flaws, as well as your own, with eachother and talk about how you are going to reconcile these. Also, dont jump back in where you started off-its been a year and the two of you have probably changed in ways. Enjoy this and get to know eachother as a couple all over again. If you are both keen and both aware that its probably last chance saloon, then give it a go and good luck with it!

sporina

i know of a couple who broke up and are now happily married with a baby.. but i also know of couples who broke up and got back together and it ended soon after.

I guess it depends on ye both. If you do decide to give it another go, you both have to accept one another's flaws and not expect major changes in personality etc..

and listen to your gut.. let logic go for a moment..

stateofflux

if the only reason you want to get back with your ex is because there is'nt anything better around at the moment or you feel a bit lonely even though you know its goin to be doomed and you will be in a world of pain...then i would'nt reccommend it

LegacyUser

stateofflux wrote: »

if the only reason you want to get back with your ex is because there is'nt anything better around at the moment or you feel a bit lonely even though you know its goin to be doomed and you will be in a world of pain...then i would'nt reccommend it

It's not that at all. I've been with several amazing, gorgeous women since we broke up, but none of them have gone anywhere. I'm quite in demand at the moment tbh (I'm not sure why, but I'm not complaining) but I still keep coming back to my ex in my head.

I know we'd have to talk a lot and take things very slowly. I suppose after a few weeks of "dating", it would be clearer how things stand.