Just go for it?....but how????

gwjones42

Hi all,

(Due to being too stupid to figure out how to start a thread as a guest, I'm biting the bullet and just going for it here publicly. Sorry if I'm a bit rambling..........Great Forum For People Coming Out By The Way!)

I've very recently come out to a small group of friends................having only slightly less recently come out to myself. It was more than past the time for it considering I'm 27 and have been a mess for years! After all the tension I had built up in the lead-up to telling my mates, the relief I felt at their positive reactions was fantastic.

Now it probably sounds stupid and cowardly, but having told them, I suppose I was happy enough to just do nothing about it for a while.....relieved just to know that I had told the truth, hadn't lost my friends and would be able to relax around them.......and also because I'm still afraid of the next steps like telling my family, going on dates with other lads, or being "out" publicly......(I still have bad memories of a$$holes from my school days...not to mention what my Dad's going to say!!)

Soon after telling my mates, I got an unexpected reaction from one of them.....one lad told me that he is bi, and that it was embarrassment on his part over my gratitude to him for being cool about my news that had inspired him to tell me about himself (He had previously told his parents and home friends, but had kept it quiet in work, where we know each other). That's fine by me, but now he's after asking me out and I don't know what to do. It all seems so quick:eek:!! I'm still a bit of an emotional mess (but am working on it!!) and don't feel ready to be with anybody.....but after years of having a genuine reason for not being comfortable on dates (with girls), I find myself wondering if I'm just being a coward and should get on with what I know will happen sooner or later. He is a nice guy.....just way more confident than me at the moment

Advice-wise.....I don't really know how I would phrase the question if there was one, but even writing this has clarified my thoughts on the issue. Any comments would be welcome though!!

Thanks for reading!!

deasyd

This guy that has asked you out on a date has not asked you to be his boyfriend, he just wants a date, maybe drinks or dinner. I think you should go. Like you said you are a late starter so you have lots of catching up to do. Practice makes perfect and you will, from now on, probably go on a lot of bad dates and kiss many-a-frog.

It would be a good confidence boost in your comfort zone. You both seem to have a lot in common and on the date he might be able to advice you on how to tell your parents. Also, maybe after the first date you might be really looking forward to a second, but you will never know unless you try!

Great story and all the best for the future.

diddlybit

Congratulations on coming out! And on Boards as well! So glad that your friends took it well, even though there's far to go. I hate to break it to you, but you have a lifetime of coming out ahead of you...it gets really tedious after a while;)


Agree with Deasyd. Go along, have a few drinks, have fun and at the end of the date if there are no sparks or you still feel apprenhensive, leave at that. Just explain to him that you're not ready for any of that quite yet and keep him as a friend to socialise and chat to.

filmbuffboy

go for it! he hasnt asked for your hand in marriage or anything, hes just asked you out. you may be pleasently surprised. you said he was a nice guy so what have you got to lose?

normaldude

Go for it mate!

I was late coming out too having a GF for a few years before, and then went mad when I got my taste for guys, had lots of boy fun which is common on gay scene, I guess sluting it about for a few months making up for lost time, but then settled when i meet a guy i liked, and have a nice bf now........so go for it.

CdeC

Hi OP,
27 or 12 coming out is a big deal for anyone but now that you have made that step of telling people there is still more to do.
Dating and meeting guys you have something in common is tough but you have to keep an open mind.

My advice, go along on the date, have a few beers and a laugh. No harm and you guys may become good mates if all goes well.
I would say though is don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with. Don't feel pressurised to jump into bed with the first bloke that shows a bit of interest. Believe me taking your time to get to know yourself and what you like will be better in the long run.

Beruthiel

gwjones42 wrote: »

now he's after asking me out and I don't know what to do. It all seems so quick:eek:!! I'm still a bit of an emotional mess (but am working on it!!) and don't feel ready to be with anybody.....but after years of having a genuine reason for not being comfortable on dates (with girls), I find myself wondering if I'm just being a coward and should get on with what I know will happen sooner or later. He is a nice guy.....just way more confident than me at the moment

Why not just be perfectly up front and honest with him?
He's already a friend of yours, so tell him you'd love to go out for a drink or whatever, but you're still in the process of getting your head around this and want to take things slowly.
I believe he will understand that perfectly.
Have fun!

diddlybit

Ooh...and if you decide to go, update us. I'm chronically nosy and want to re-live a first date experience vicariously:D

Good luck with it anyhow

im...LOST

Beruthiel wrote: »

Why not just be perfectly up front and honest with him?
He's already a friend of yours, so tell him you'd love to go out for a drink or whatever, but you're still in the process of getting your head around this and want to take things slowly.
I believe he will understand that perfectly.
Have fun!

This.

From your brief description, it seems that he's a nice chap and that he'll understand. Just phrase it so that you aren't saying "no" but like drinks are cool but you want to take it slow.

gwjones42

Hi all,
Op back again. Thanks for all the advice…..What a supportive and positive forum!!!

So, there’s been a development!!!
Here goes…..Last night, a gang from work went into town including myself and the friend as mentioned in my original post. We hadn’t really spoken properly since he asked me about going on a date. I thought it was going to be awkward between us, but it wasn’t, so all in all, the night started well. There was a pretty big gang of us, so nobody was talking about anything too private.
As the night went on, most of the gang split away from each other, but about four of us stayed in one pub. At throwing-out time, it looked like I was going to have to wait for about an hour and a half for a nitelink, so one of my mates offered me the couch in her apartment and I stayed……..my other friend stayed too!

So to speed this story up………………. We were all in the sitting room of the apartment chatting until the others went to bed. I had one couch, my friend had the other. We chatted in the dark about anything and everything that I could think of……………………..apart from what I really wanted to talk about. I was hating myself for being such a coward, thinking that this was the perfect opportunity to go for it and that I was going to miss it, when he got up, went to the bathroom, then came back in and said he wanted to tell me something…..………he "really wants to snog me" (actual words ). Before I knew it I had said yes and we were kissing. My first gay kiss! And at the ripe old age of 27!!!
It went on for ages. All I could think of at first was how weird his stubble felt on my face….although I’m equally hairy!!! It felt good. It felt better than good. We got more and more into it and it got “passionate” (to put it politely), but there was always the chance of someone walking in on us, so we kept things under control. All in all there was about three of these types of kiss before we decided enough was enough. Trying to sleep afterwards was hard to put it mildly!

So there it is. I’m going to call him later to talk, and all in all I’m happy. I feared I’d be a nervous wreck after it, but I think I’m okay. Onwards and upwards now I suppose:cool:

im...LOST

Congrats!

Beruthiel

Excellent!

Barna77

Precious