Public speaking

LegacyUser

Hi,
Well its obvious from the thread title what this issue is about. I might start by saying Im not a shy person. I might also add that even in a very big group i am not afraid to ask questions if I have genuinely want to know something.
I can also talk away in a very relaxed manner if I am in a conversation with a teacher/instructor or whatever in a class in front of everyone. I can also be one of the louder ones amongst a group of friends in a social setting.

Yet despite all this, i have an overwhelming fear of public speaking. When it comes to me having to perform I feel sick. What I mean by perform(in its simplest form) is something like you are in a big group and everyone has to introduce themselves and say something small about themselves. I feel physically sick when its about to reach me. I go into a serious panic, Ive trouble breathing, I feel extremely hot, I can feel my heart race, hands and feet sweating, and as I speak my first word I can hear my voice completely blatantly trembling. I can only say a few words before I come to a complete stop out of fear. Theres words coming out of my mouth but all thats going in my head is "MAKE IT STOP!!"
Ive tried everything, breathe slowly, dont panic , try and think of other things, but none of it works, as soon as the person beside is speaking and I am up next ALL that goes out the window. I just go into a state of shock.

Now I know what people are going to say, its the most common fear in the world...every feels like that...nobody notices your nervousness only you... etc etc. But I am convinced there are two levels of the fear. The common one where everybody feels very uncomfortable , slightly nervous ,bit shaky but overall manages to shake it off and carry on speaking. And then my one, which I know plenty people suffer from but not nearly as much as much as people make out. The only analogy I can make for it is trying to get someone with a fear of flying on a plane, or trying to get someone with a fear of spiders to hold one.

Does anyone have any advice? Its just really strange that once Im settled in I have no trouble being louder, making comments, asking questions, conversing to the lecturer/teacher /instructor whatever.
I have made 2 presentations in my life. One was in my second year of college where I would say I nearly collapsed from the nerves. And another in my final year with a group in front of a whole class where i had it so rehearsed I was like a robot. I still cant figure how I finished that one.

Any advice would be great. I have a friend with what alot of people would call a completely irrational fear of insects/bugs. If theres one there I do my best to get rid of it so she doesnt panic. This probably sounds childish but id probably find it funny only I compare it to me having to do a presentation and I instantly try and help her as much as I can when I think of it that way.

andrew

You mentioned lecturers, are you in a college with a debating society? It probably sounds terrifying. And at first it probably will be. At first. But if you join it, and continue to take part in the speaking related activities they have, I can guarantee that your fear will be gone.

If there isn't a debating society, or some other way you can just face your fear, then it always helped me to remember that when you're talking to a group, very few of the group are listening. And if they are listening, then they'll forget what you've said or done in less than an hour. Think about it - can you actually remember what people said in the presentations you've seen/heard? When you realise that most people don't care about what you're saying (in the long run) then you realise that there's no pressure to even make any sense.

LegacyUser

Thanks andrew, well what triggered my post was the fact that I am now attending various small courses in the evenings so im finding myself in a situation where Ive to talk about myself/or talk about whatever im doing. The lecture thing was just an example.

All your post makes sense but again, my problem is the fear is irrational. My point is, I dont think of ANY of the stuff you just said when the person beside me is speaking and I am up next. Its just sweat, heart racing,short breathing, trembling throat, feet, and hands, and if im really bad I cant even see straight. That to me is what I can only imagine a genuine fear is.

But I think you are right, I need to find opportunities to face the fear. But its extremely hard. Im going to look into toastmasters, but Ive heard the problem with that is, you get comfortable in toastmasters but once your back to 'real life' its back to square one. I could be wrong on that one though.

Its really crazy, I have jumped out of planes, held horrible huge nasty spiders in my hand, went abseiling off fairly big cliffs, yet none of that gives me the same nerves as public speaking!!

seamus

I'm convinced that it's one of those things that you just have to get used to. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. While debating societies and the like also give you techniques to relax and improve your speaking, they also give you the experience of standing up in front of a group of people that you don't know and talking to them with some degree of confidence.

As Andrew quite rightly points out, when you get up and do it you worry about what happens if you forget, what happens if you stumble over your words, what happens if you make a mistake. In reality, nobody in the room is expecting a presidential address. So long as you don't stand there and look blankly at the back wall, it doesn't matter.

This is in essence the only difference between speaking to a room of strangers and speaking to a room of your friends. You're worried about the strangers judging you. When you're speaking to a group of your friends, you're not concerned about making a mistake or stumbling over your words.

I have to give presentations in work from time to time and I can feel in myself that it's much easier than it used to be. I no longer care if I forget what I've been talking about or stumble over my words. So long as I have a vague amount of knowledge on the topic I just walk in and start blabbering on. Only two things now put me off;

1. Not having a breeze about the topic and winging it (I've done this once, horrible experience)
2. Technical problems when giving the presentation; they make me look bad

I would strongly advise doing a course on presentation techniques or join a debating society or similar. It's not so much about finding out the best way to do, it's really just about getting out there and doing it. I do agree that it's possible that toastmasters and similar societies get you into a "comfort zone" because you get to know everyone there. So ideally you will get involved with a group which holds debates in public or against other societies.

Presentation courses in particular usually ask you prepare and give a 5 minute presentation on any topic which you know about. The aim there is to get you talking about something - anything - which you're passionate about. This removes any "do I know what I'm talking about" fear from the equation and instead all you have to do is stand up and talk about it, which is hardest part of it.

LegacyUser

I'm in the same situation.

First off, everyone is routing for you when you present. They want you to do well.

Secondly, less people notice your nerves than you do.

Thirdly, you just need to learn how to do it..... every skill takes practice. Check out Toastmasters in your area for a relaxed way to speak in public.

And as for your robotic delivery - of course rehearsal is very important. But what I found years ago when making a presentation was that including something humorous in the first sentence or two put me at ease.

Lastly, it doesn't have to be perfect - go in with a "it'll be okay attitude"

Also, try visualising yourself doing okay - and control your breathing - nice deep breaths.

Record your voice and become comfortable with how your voice feels.

kevin99

Visual yourself speaking to a public audience. Smile. Imagine you are in a pub, having a pint and talking to your best mate.

Remember that you know more about the topic than your audience is likely to. Make a comment at the beginning of your presentation or speech such as " Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking, I am determined not to make an idiot of myself today!".

Or if there is a technical hitch you can always get around it by commenting: " In today's world of high tech this and that, the Powerpoint just won't work. Forgive me but I will continue from my notes while the powers that be attempt to resolve the issue".

Be yourself. Everyone gets nervous before speaking in public. Nobody wants to see you fail or make a fool of yourself. Imagine speaking to your friend. Pick out someone in the middle distance in the audience and focus on them. Smile when making eye contact.

Technical glitches are not your fault so always have someone on hand to assist if any faults arise.

Rehears, rehearse, rehearse!

Run over your speech/presentation at home in front of a mirror. Do this several times. Identify in your mindset the key points you wish to make.
Practice makes perfect.

You will be fine.

LegacyUser

I agree with the whole 'practice makes perfect' approach. This is what worked for me anyway. Like yourself, I used to be a nervous wreck and physically sick even at the thought of public speaking (even just having to read aloud from a book in school terrified me!). The first time I found out I'd have to give a presentation I couldn't sleep properly for the 3 weeks running up to it just because of the worry. But I just obsessed over rehearsing it, so it all went fairly smoothly in the end.

Having to give presentations became a much more regular thing after that. And very very gradually I've gotten more and more comfortable with them over time. A part of me even enjoys them now, which I genuinely never thought would happen!

Some practical advice:
1) Practice. A lot. Even just to a couple of family/friends to get used to standing in front of people and having all eyes and ears on you (you'll feel stupid at first, it took me a while to get over the nervous giggles!)
2) As far as the audience is concerned, you're the expert. Whatever you say, they'll take your word for it. Just say it with confidence (even if you have to fake it!)
3) If there are any workshops etc available to you about public speaking then definitely sign up. It'll be nerve-wrecking, but the practice will do you good.
4) Have written notes in front of you for formal presentations. But purely as a safety net. You should never actually read directly from notes/flash cards, but I feel better knowing they're handy 'just in case'.
5) Try to take your time and talk slowly. Really slowly. Everyone always think they're talking at a normal pace during these things when it's actually much faster than they think. So make a conscious effort to slow down... even though it feels like you’re just prolonging the pain! (and don't drink coffee or take caffeine tablets beforehand... speaking from personal experience there :P)
6) Have a bottle/glass of water handy. Dry/cotton-mouth is a common one, which took me by surprise!