the night before cheltenham : by handsomecake

handsomecake

'Twas the night before Cheltenham, when all through the gaf

memories are flowing of mccoy and pat taffe;

The form lines are scanned by the fire with care,

In hopes that a windfall soon would be there;

The punters were nestled all snug in their beds,

with plans to rape and pillage your betdaqs and betfreds;

to get the winner of the gold cup would be a feather in my cap,

and i cannot believe that kauto is mick fitz's nap,

While out on the course it appears that they've watered,

again simon claisse will no doubt be slaughtered.

they flock in their droves to sink pints and win cash,

while the ladies day wannabees covet that sash.

some had their campaigns blighted by snow

heards whispers for the arkle by the name of ghizao,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But an email from mr power with some money back cheer ,

he will refund your bet if that cue card lad wins,

sure in that case its al ferof each way for my sins.

More rapid than eagles these thouroughbreds came,

but im down on my luck as my ante-posts lame ;

"Now, peddler! now, brampour! now, grandouet and quevega!

think he's owned by the same chap as lady de la vega!

from the top of the rostrum the starter will call !

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the old course the hurdlers they flew,

brennan has a double hand, and ruby does too.

And then, in a twinkling, he storms to the front

That mccoy costs me fortunes the cantankerous ****.

As he drew on his whip, and was turning around,

Down to the last they came with a bound.

He was dressed all in armour, from his head to his ass,

And his clothes were all tarnished with soil and dried grass;

between jockey and saddle he has 11-7 on his back,

and i betcha the peddler makes a joke of the pack.

kauto's star it did twinkle and those days they were merry!

i heard this lad hacked up in a bumper in kerry!

nicky has a broad face and a little round belly,

and when henderson laughed it shook like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old bollix,

at 20/1 in the coral cup my money is on solix;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

dont tell me you backed him coz his colors are red !;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to the bookmaker,

And filled his boots on that nag sprinter sacre,

i could go on all day but i dont want to bore ya,

BUT ILL TELL YOU THIS MUCH,ILL BE LAYING MENORAH
remember finians rainbow will be wearing all white,
dont back grand crus,he's just over hyped ****e

"Happy cheltenham to all, and to all a good-night."

handsomecake 14/3/2011 (seamus heaney who are ye)

mdwexford

Very good.

clived2

Wow very impressive,

I will add...

Here comes the story of the Hurricane,
The horse the media came to blame
For somethin' that he never done.
Put in a prison cell, but one time he could-a been
The champion hurdler of the world.

Number one contender for the champion hurdle crown
Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down
When the media pulled him over to the side of the road
Just like the time before and the time before that.
In Pub talk that's just the way things go.
If you're a montjeu progeny you might as well not show up at chelthelem
'Less you wanna draw the heat.

Four in the mornin' and they haul Ruby in,
Take him to the hospital and they bring him upstairs.
The wounded man looks up through his one dyin' eye (lol)
Yes, here's the story of the Hurricane,
The horse the media came to blame
For somethin' that he never done.
Put in a prison cell, but one time he could-a been
The champion hurdler of the world.
Ruby could take a man out with just one punch
But he never did like to talk about it all that much.
It's my work, he'd say, and I do it for pay
And when it's over I'd just as soon go on my way
Up to some paradise
Where the trout streams flow and the air is nice
And ride a horse along a trail.


All of Ruby cards were marked in advance.
That's the story of the Hurricane,
But it won't be over till they clear his name
And give him back the time he's done.
Put in a prison cell, but one time he could-a been
The champion hurdler of the world.

UrbanSea

Haha McCoy the contankerous ****

handsomecake

i love the smell of potential before all the hard luck stories begin

FortuneChip

Baby Got Back-ed

I like Big Bucks, and I can not lie
You other punters cant deny,
When Ruby romps in, for the 3rd straight win,
and you've got 5/4 for the race
You get RICH!

clived2

Its the story of the hurricane

handsomecake

Happy Cheltenham everyone

seoirsem

Fix You

When your cruising down the hill at speed,
And Binocular's doesn't have what he needs,
And Zarkandar looks like he's gone to sleep,
Are they in reverse?

When Hurricane turns for home at pace,
And Ruby has a smile on his face,
And Oscars Well is in second place,
The forecast reversed!!

The roar will guide them home,
The Hurricane could give them all a stone,
And I for one, will be on him!!!!!

Happy Cheltenham Everybody!!!!

handsomecake

seoirsem wrote: »

Fix You

When your cruising down the hill at speed,
And Binocular's doesn't have what he needs,
And Zarkandar looks like he's gone to sleep,
Are they in reverse?

When Hurricane turns for home at pace,
And Ruby has a smile on his face,
And Oscars Well is in second place,
The forecast reversed!!

The roar will guide them home,
The Hurricane could give them all a stone,
And I for one, will be on him!!!!!

Happy Cheltenham Everybody!!!!

Very good

FortuneChip

I like BIG BUCKS and I cannot lie
You other punters can't deny
When Ruby romps in
For his fourth straight win
And you backed him for the race
"Lads" get F*cked!

hucklebuck

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
and the bookies are gonna lose their bollix,
and I am going to win tons.

I may not be Keats but I think I win this round

thebison

To get everyone in the mood

handsomecake

nostalgic bump

UrbanSea

Make a new one and I'll love you for life

Slattsy

handsomecake wrote: »

nostalgic bump

The Lotts tomorrow i reckon mate.
Free pint with any winner over €10