hurtful break up advice

misterdarkness

to give a quick background i was with my gf for over 7 years, good and bad times but mostly great, would argue rarely like any couple i guess but never anything major. She always had lots of attetnion from guys being a model and all but i never worried as we had a great connection. Sex life was fantastic.

Anyway things went bad over xmas, we had planned on spending xmas at my homeplace with my family as we do every year however with the snow i was unable to get to the apartment i was sharing with her instead i stayed close to where i work for a week. Anyway xmas eve i finally got my car free and planned on collecting her. She said the roads were still bad and to carry on she would spend xmas with her neighbours who were our good friends. Disapointing but fine, better to be safe.

We did get down for new years and while at my home place by complete accident i clicked on her skype rather than the internet icon on her laptop, she was fast to reach across and close it. I knew then something was off, i said nothing but a few days later on my own i went through the computer to find she was having a 6 mth fling with a married guy. so i confronted her with the proof and she admitted it was a fling that was never going to last. During this time the guys partner found out and kicked him out she continued seeing him. Anyway i ended it with her as i was soooo p*ssed off, but after a couple of days cooling down. i wanted to talk about it and if she was honest give her second chance ( some might not but we had too good a thing to throw away if it could be worked out) she said she was confused and did not want to see him again but wanted a few weeks to clear her head (fair enough) but once bitten twice shy. So a night she was going out with the girls i did a little checking and she was not with them. She was actually going to a hotel to meet a doctor for sex. I called her said i knew and she was p*ssed off to say the least that i found out. A day later she said i was her best friend all this lark.

Anyway after this she comletely blanked me, will not reply to anything. Now ive discovered she is meeting that married guy and is with him. What kills me is she had a son when we started dating he was a year old when we started and although not mine he grew up with me in his life kinda felt like he was mine. Ive no contact at all with him now she wont let me which is hurtful and the fact that ive had my nose rubbed in it.

I know every story has two sides but this one ive done nothing wrong. Even when this fling was going on things were great in and out of the bedroom for us. Totally blindsided me and yes i am lonely and hurt over it and does play on my mind alot. Oh and this guy even by her admission is a "ex" coke addict

I have not done anything legal or illegal. If i wanted to however i do know enough to hurt her far more than me, main reason ive not is because of the child she uses as a shield. But should i let the world know what she is like or walk away lonely, hurt but with head high??

have to admit confidence took a huge battering from all of this

dixiefly

Sorry to read your situation. Hope you can get her out of your mind.

Concentrate on yourself - try to think of how you were before you met her and develop your own personal friendships again, maybe start a physical activity / sport to get your mind off it. Remember you are in the right so there is no blame attached to yourself.

Longer term you are better away from her. It may feel best to get revenge but it would be good for your (& the boys) sake that you meet him on and off. Leave her be for a while & she may think a little more clearly let you meet him.

Fittle

OP, do nothing. You need to move on and in time, you will realise that you deserve better than this from life.

Revenge will get you nowhere, and in time, if you do something to 'tell the world' (not sure what you're getting at there?), odds are, you will regret it.

Move on OP - it's a shame she won't let you see the child, but perhaps when things calm down, you can re-establish a relationship with the child?
Best of luck OP.

Neyite

The best revenge is your own happiness.

Walk away with your dignity - dont give her the satisfaction of knowing you are pining for her and still have so much feelings that you want to hurt her. Do you really want her reading out your texts to her new fella and them having a little giggle at your expense?

Better strategy is to leave her wondering. Better again, move on and leave them to it for good. You can do way better than this girl.

Blumentopf

You know, people do the strangest things, and for no logical reason. Maybe she's a sex-addict, maybe she needs them to build up her own self esteem, maybe she likes the thrill, whatever it is, it is not your fault and nothing you could have done or said would have changed a thing. Problem is, we can't switch off our feelings, and although the head is telling you one thing the heart is yearning for something else. I've recently come ouf of an 8 year relationship being dumped by text for a younger model. So I know the pain very well, and it is very hard to move on, but what choice have you got. You just got to be kind to yourself and rebuild your life in your own good time. You do deserve to be happy and respected and loved and you will meet someone again.
As for the child, I think it's best if you let go, I can't see how she would want to let you keep up a relationship with the child, and even if she did, would that really be a good idea? I honestly don't know, but I think right now you need to stop all contact and start healing and in a few months time when you're head is a bit clearer you will be in a better position to decide what to do. Best of luck and chin up, it's goign to be really S*** for a while but it will get easier.

misterdarkness

Blumentopf wrote: »

You know, people do the strangest things, and for no logical reason. Maybe she's a sex-addict, maybe she needs them to build up her own self esteem, maybe she likes the thrill, whatever it is, it is not your fault and nothing you could have done or said would have changed a thing. Problem is, we can't switch off our feelings, and although the head is telling you one thing the heart is yearning for something else. I've recently come ouf of an 8 year relationship being dumped by text for a younger model. So I know the pain very well, and it is very hard to move on, but what choice have you got. You just got to be kind to yourself and rebuild your life in your own good time. You do deserve to be happy and respected and loved and you will meet someone again.
As for the child, I think it's best if you let go, I can't see how she would want to let you keep up a relationship with the child, and even if she did, would that really be a good idea? I honestly don't know, but I think right now you need to stop all contact and start healing and in a few months time when you're head is a bit clearer you will be in a better position to decide what to do. Best of luck and chin up, it's goign to be really S*** for a while but it will get easier.

Yes and thank you all for advice. I was having a very hard time talking with friends about it. I thought about what this person said in this post from things like sex addiction to the thrill of it and in my own mind i feel the thrill of it is what done it for her but i will never know.

i can relate to this poster as when your in something this long and maybe you have one person in life that you trust without question, when that rug goes from under you the world crumbles and you cant help but think about them. I know in time my feelings will move on, there is stages to this after all. But names aside i do miss the child, i would have no rights at all but it does feel like my own son was taken from me. Life is cruel but shall move on. I guess i always dated pretty girls and even after this happened i went on few dates but to soon i could not feel anything for them. Time heals

Thank you all for your imput i very much appricate it and it does help.

Blumentopf

I can't even think about wanting to be with anyone else, I'm still battling to find the half that's missing... that's the problem after such a long time, isn't it. The memories, the history, the habits, the shared "everything". Waking up by yourself, shopping for one, what to do with your time, how to convince yourself that it is not absolutely crap sitting by yourself... The disbelief, the denial, etc etc. But I'm now cooking all my favourite foods, I've signed up for a gym, I'm not crying anymore, I've stopped tormenting myself as to "the why", I enjoy watching all the crap programmes I like, I'm making an effort to go out with my friends, so I am getting better. Slowly. And I know I'll be ok. Just not quite yet. I still have really bad days, but they're less frequent and less painful. Time... I suppose we all wish it wouldn't take so long!!!