friend / acquaintences with strange reactions

Aishae

This happened a few years ago - but it came to mind as i saw mutual friends adding these acquaintences on facebook.....

has something like this ever happened to you?
I came out openly several years ago but you know what it's like - sometimes the news doesn't filter down to everyone! I did mention nit tentatively before i came out though - like in this instance: There were some girls from an old social group. I didn't make a big deal of it - I added in to general conversation about god knows what anymore.... that i was a lesbian myself. Immediately a few of the acquaintences treated me differently than they used to. they didn't come near me really. They were sort of a clique within a group. I figured they'd get used to it. But they didn't. So one day when i saw them I asked why? It wasn't anything really major but I wanted to know why they avoided me. One girl said she didn't know. I asked was she afraid I was gonna come on to her? she said maybe. So i told her i don't just come on to friends etc and she shouldn't worry as i didn't even fancy any of the group perhaps because we'd been 'friends' since we were kids.
well it got worse after that - she seemed insulted that i didnt fancy her and so did the rest of the little clique. very strange... they were worried i would fancy them then pissed off cos i didn't?
well i didn't bother with them after that. stupid to even try deal with it cos they weren't even friends just people i knew. i still see the friends i DID have in the group i just didnt 'hang' with them all together.

nothing like this happened with actual friends - or family.
so i'm thinking it was just the kind of girls they were. or maybe they heard the 'i dont fancy you' bit and didnt bother listening to the rest of it. they arent gay themselves - all married or engaged with babies and houses etc.

has something like that ever happened to others?
i thought i dealt with ok. and it didn't get to me much. but i've been trying to figure out what the whole problem was. might come in handy some day to know.

baby and crumble

I think girls can get into a much bigger tiz about these things than guys do, at least from what my friends experiences tell me. I'm the same as you, I'm out, very openly, but I suppose some people from my old school or whatever wouldn't know. Some people have been weird about it, some have been great. It all depends on the person.

I do think that straight girls can assume that everyone who likes girls likes them. I don't mean this to be rude, but it's like when they have straight guys in the office, even then just being friendly is taken as something more than just being friendly. It's like some women don't seem to get that not everyone is on the pull, all the time. I do think it's better when they aren't single themselves, but not always by much. Then again, some guys are like that too. If a girl says hi to them they think they're in. I really only run in straight circles though so I can't say what it's like when there's loads of lebians together, for example.

Aishae

same - i don't go on the scene and run in straight circles too. so that's my only base of gauging reactions etc. the girls i mentioned were girls i knew from primary school yeah. i was amazed when i facebook friended a girl from primary school i was good friends with at one stage and found out she was openly gay too.

Chuchoter

I had a fairly similar response from one of my friends for a few months after I came out. At the time, I think she was questioning her own sexuality a tiny bit (more because it was the fashionable thing to be doing than any real confusion:rolleyes:) and then I came out and kind of faced her with the reality of heres someone who is legitimately gay and she freaked out a bit. She wouldn't sit near me, was always looking at me funny, literally almost flinched whenever I came near her. We went from being fairly affectionate with eachother (in a friend kind of way that all girls my age are and as she is with everyone else) and now we're quite distant. I never really confronted her about it, other than pointing out what she was doing, but I never really thought of her the same way again.

bitter_lemon

Aishae wrote: »

This happened a few years ago - but it came to mind as i saw mutual friends adding these acquaintences on facebook.....

has something like this ever happened to you?
I came out openly several years ago but you know what it's like - sometimes the news doesn't filter down to everyone! I did mention nit tentatively before i came out though - like in this instance: There were some girls from an old social group. I didn't make a big deal of it - I added in to general conversation about god knows what anymore.... that i was a lesbian myself. Immediately a few of the acquaintences treated me differently than they used to. they didn't come near me really. They were sort of a clique within a group. I figured they'd get used to it. But they didn't. So one day when i saw them I asked why? It wasn't anything really major but I wanted to know why they avoided me. One girl said she didn't know. I asked was she afraid I was gonna come on to her? she said maybe. So i told her i don't just come on to friends etc and she shouldn't worry as i didn't even fancy any of the group perhaps because we'd been 'friends' since we were kids.
well it got worse after that - she seemed insulted that i didnt fancy her and so did the rest of the little clique. very strange... they were worried i would fancy them then pissed off cos i didn't?
well i didn't bother with them after that. stupid to even try deal with it cos they weren't even friends just people i knew. i still see the friends i DID have in the group i just didnt 'hang' with them all together.

nothing like this happened with actual friends - or family.
so i'm thinking it was just the kind of girls they were. or maybe they heard the 'i dont fancy you' bit and didnt bother listening to the rest of it. they arent gay themselves - all married or engaged with babies and houses etc.

has something like that ever happened to others?
i thought i dealt with ok. and it didn't get to me much. but i've been trying to figure out what the whole problem was. might come in handy some day to know.

yes aishae i know exactly what you mean. i think they do get offended that you don't fancy them. i find it very tiresome at times. i'm glad you brought this up because it annoys me greatly.
i am out to everyone but yes it has to filter down.
i find this only happens with acquaintances and colleagues that don't know the true essence of me.
when i came out in work there were a few girls who used to ask me if i fancied them and i said in a diplomatic way no. well jesus - handbags at dawn!
they are forever primping and preening themselves around me :mad:
and all the little come ons.
it was funny for the first 100 times - now it gets boring and irritable.

disclaimer - this is just my opinion and how i see it - in my experience they are akin to fag hags. they do get offended that you haven't tried to jump their bones. because they are women. men and women should equally find them attractive. it dents their self confidence.

now could someone please pass me the sick bucket :mad:

Rick_

All my friends are straight.

Last night, we went out to one of their local bars (in the middle of nowhere) for a few Sunday sociables and there was a guy at the bar who looked dodgy as hell, terrible scowl on his face constantly, a skinhead, tattoos, piercings and a general "I'm a mean, tight b'stard" look about him. There wern't many in the bar at all, and as the night went on, it eventually boiled down to just me and my mates, and him.

Anyway, as the drink flowed everyone loosened up and, unknown to me, some of my mates were talking to this other guy, I think one of them said they sort-of knew him but weren't sure but as far as most of us knew, he was a total stranger. One of the things they told him in conversation was that I was gay, although at the time I did not know this or even why they were talking about it. I popped outside for a smoke and a few moments later he followed me. We were the only two out in the smoking area. Once he got outside he walked right up to me. I honestly thought he was gonna deck me. He stood quite close and said "So, I hear you're out and proud?" in an almost condescending tone, and I still think he's gonna deck me. I said to him "Eeerrr, yeah..."

The guy then gets a huge smile over his face, shakes my hand and proceeds to, in a jolly way, tell me about his cousin who's gay and came out to him a few months ago and how great he thinks the whole thing is. We even chatted about why it was so unfair that the society we live in so many gay men and women were afraid to come out and be themselves. Anyway, after that we went back into the bar, he joined our group and we had a great night's craic.

Just goes to show, for someone who looked like he'd stab you for looking at him in the wrong way, he turned out to be a very lovely guy. So, don't be judging those books by their covers!

foggy_lad

The while thing stems from those people doubting their own sexuality or questioning it in some way and when a friend or neighbour makes it known that they are gay these people run a mile lest they be seen as gay by association.

Their confusion over their own sexuality creates a kind of paranoia when confronted with someone who is openly gay and they fear others may actually see their own doubts or confusion.

LegacyUser

I'll add an unusual coming out story. I started a new college course in September and didn't initially tell the class I'm gay, just because I didn't want it to be the first thing people remembered about me. I get on well with the class, especially the guys. A lot of them are 'The lads' type, which is fairly similar to my regular group of mates.

One night during Christmas break someone organised a last minute guys night out for the class, ended up in a bar on Harcourt street. In the smoking area the guys were checking out girls as guys do and someone asked me my opinion on one particular girl. I said something like "She's nice I guess but I actually prefer guys".

There was an awkward silence in the group for about five seconds then one of the group took out his wallet, took out a tenner and handed it to the guy beside him. Immediately everyone broke down laughing and over the next while everyone said fair play, it makes no difference etc. and the main business of the evening, checking out girls and getting hammered resumed.

That was probably my best coming out reaction, I didn't think I was obviously gay but there you go! I guess it's interesting that someone was willing to bet that I was actually straight. At least I got a jagerbomb out of the winnings