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Never had sex or been kissed sober

  • 12-03-2011 12:26am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I would really like some advice on how best to handle something that has been worrying me a lot recently.

    I have had about 10 relationships since I was about 19 (27 now). and all lasted no more than 6 months. In all of these relationships I found it very difficult to initiate kissing or sex without alcohol. I've kissed lots of guys but its usually after a few drinks.When I have alcohol in me I can be very passionate and seductive but without it I don't even know how to hold hands with a man. I just feel very awkward initiating any physical contact.

    I've met a really nice guy recently and we've been on a good few dates with and without alcohol.I know he is attracted to me as I am to him but we only ever kiss after we've had a few drinks. I know this is not normal behaviour and I really don't want to repeat my same drunken dating patterns with this guy.I just don't now how you can go from just chatting to someone, to cuddling and kissing?

    I'm just wondering If anyone has any advice or If anyone has been in a similar situation? Thanks


Comments

  • #2
    MiniSquish
    Closed Accounts Posts: 205 ✭✭MiniSquish


    I used to be exactly the same way. Maybe not so far as only kissing guys when drunk but I used to only really have sex or initiate sex when drunk. Even with my previous boyfriend. I think the problem was that he was shy too so it would rub off on me. Now with my current boyfriend I have no problem being sober nor am I uncomfortable, I think it's down to being comfortable with him and having got to know him a good bit beforehand. I'd say thinks will work out well for you and the new fella, you just have to give yourself time to relax around him and it'll all come naturally then!


  • #3
    SarahG91
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17 ✭SarahG91


    OP, all the alcohol is doing is reducing your natural inhibitions and making you less self-conscious.

    You should talk to your boyfriend and let him know how you feel. I'm guessing he probably feels the same way. Maybe you can start doing basic things like kissing, cuddling and holding hands without having been out drinking first. There is no magic trick here. When you feel like holding his hand, just take it. When you want to be kissed, just lean into him and kiss. If he's like most other guys he will respond and it will not be a huge issue. Gradually you will get used to being more intimate without depending on alcohol.

    Once things like that start to feel comfortable, move on to other things, like letting him touch your breasts and caress you elsewhere. Just relax and enjoy it. When you start to get aroused, your inhibitions will naturally start to disappear and sex should follow on naturally from that.

    I can have sex drunk but the sensations just aren't as intense. I can't orgasm when I'm drunk so it's often something I'm just doing to pleasure the guy after a night out. Sober sex is much better IMO :)


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