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Church donation???

  • 11-03-2011 10:11pm
    #1
    Billy Mays
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,283 ✭✭✭Billy Mays


    Quick question. I'm gonna be best man at my brother's wedding in the Summer. Now I know that usually the bride and groom make a donation to the church but he's informed me that I have to aswell. Is this true or is he winding me up cos as far as I'm concerned they're not getting a penny off me.


Comments

  • #2
    mikemac
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,986 ✭✭✭✭mikemac


    Depends

    If money is being handed over before the day, they'll do it.

    But if they are giving money for the parish church on the day, it's your job to deal with the money.

    But you only pay once, not two payments from you and your brother

    Edit, you post here and not wedding forum?


  • #3
    Billy Mays
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,283 ✭✭✭Billy Mays


    I suppose I posted here cos I'm wondering if any atheists have been in the same position. I really don't want to give any money to the church and feel very strongly about it.


  • #4
    Rebecca Hot Manuscript
    Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Rebecca Hot Manuscript


    Sounds silly to me, if they really push it could you offer to make a donation to, I duno, a charity instead or toward their reception or honeymoon


  • #5
    magicbastarder
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 51,182 CMod ✭✭✭✭magicbastarder


    i was best man for my brother and was not asked to make any donations. this is the first mention i've ever heard of the best man being asked to contribute, and would question your brother on why he's asking you.


  • #6
    robindch
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 24,436 Mod ✭✭✭✭robindch


    Billy Mays wrote: »
    they're not getting a penny off me.
    Why not give them a check for one cent?


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  • #7
    Zillah
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    Wait, I'm confused. The best man is expected to personally contribute some of his own money to the church at which the wedding is taking place?


  • #8
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    Donate a copy of The God Delusion.


  • #9
    Wolfe Tone
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,670 ✭✭✭✭Wolfe Tone


    Dont make a scene at your brothers wedding, just give some cash.


  • #10
    krudler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Wolfe Tone wrote: »
    Dont make a scene at your brothers wedding, just give some cash.

    why should he? thats the "just shut up and go along with it" attitude thats kept silly church traditions around for so long in this country


  • #11
    Dades
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    Wolfe Tone wrote: »
    Dont make a scene at your brothers wedding, just give some cash.
    Do no such thing.

    Is your brother just trying to halve the cost of what he should be paying the church? Honestly - he's your brother - tell him to go and jump. Ridiculous request.


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  • #12
    Wolfe Tone
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,670 ✭✭✭✭Wolfe Tone


    krudler wrote: »
    why should he? thats the "just shut up and go along with it" attitude thats kept silly church traditions around for so long in this country
    Because it is his brothers wedding, one of the biggest days of his life


    By that logic he should have said no to being his brothers best man


  • #13
    Rebecca Hot Manuscript
    Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Rebecca Hot Manuscript


    Wolfe Tone wrote: »
    Because it is his brothers wedding, one of the biggest days of his life

    It's not his day NOW.
    And it's HIS day, not "everyone else pay my bills for the party I want" day


  • #14
    Wolfe Tone
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,670 ✭✭✭✭Wolfe Tone


    Dades wrote: »
    Do no such thing.

    Is your brother just trying to halve the cost of what he should be paying the church? Honestly - he's your brother - tell him to go and jump. Ridiculous request.
    When one of my mates was a best man he donated some money too, I thought best men always do?


  • #15
    Wolfe Tone
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,670 ✭✭✭✭Wolfe Tone


    bluewolf wrote: »
    It's not his day NOW.
    And it's HIS day, not "everyone else pay my bills for the party I want" day
    Usually they donate on the day


  • #16
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    Wolfe Tone wrote: »
    When one of my mates was a best man he donated some money too, I thought best men always do?
    Wolfe Tone wrote: »
    Usually they donate on the day

    I've never heard of it being done?

    I'd be pretty fukking embarrassed to ask one of my friends to pay for part of my wedding and pretty bewildered if one was to ask me to do the same. Odd.


  • #17
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    Wolfe Tone wrote: »
    Dont make a scene at your brothers wedding, just give some cash.
    Why should he give the church money? No one's saying anything about making a scene, this can all be sorted well before then.


  • #18
    Wolfe Tone
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,670 ✭✭✭✭Wolfe Tone


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    Why should he give the church money?
    Why should he partake in a religious ceremony?


  • #19
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    Wolfe Tone wrote: »
    Why should he partake in a religious ceremony?
    Why is the sky blue?

    See, I can ask random questions too.


  • #20
    Dr. Loon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,522 ✭✭✭Dr. Loon


    I've never heard of a best man having to donate money to the church. Participating in a ceremony is one thing. A donation is another completely different thing, and as far as I'm concerned is out of order for the brother to ask. Tell him to fack off. That's what I'd do with my own brother.


  • #21
    Zillah
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    What kind of sum are we talking about here?


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  • #22
    ShooterSF
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,824 ✭✭✭ShooterSF


    Is donation the right word? Surely a compulsory handing over of cash for a service is a "charge" or "cost"?


  • #23
    Zillah
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    ShooterSF wrote: »
    Is donation the right word? Surely a compulsory handing over of cash for a service is a "charge" or "cost"?

    Ignore the man behind the curtain!


  • #24
    Rebecca Hot Manuscript
    Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Rebecca Hot Manuscript


    ShooterSF wrote: »
    Is donation the right word? Surely a compulsory handing over of cash for a service is a "charge" or "cost"?

    It's like "voluntary school donations" :pac:


  • #25
    the groutch
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,096 ✭✭✭✭the groutch


    wouldnt give any church a penny


  • #26
    liamw
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,780 ✭✭✭liamw


    Wolfe Tone, will you be my best man?


  • #27
    chucken1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,761 ✭✭✭chucken1


    Billy Mays wrote: »
    Quick question. I'm gonna be best man at my brother's wedding in the Summer. Now I know that usually the bride and groom make a donation to the church but he's informed me that I have to aswell. Is this true or is he winding me up cos as far as I'm concerned they're not getting a penny off me.

    Why did you agree to get involved in something you dont agree with? :confused:

    I mean you will be in a church..saying whatever..and the afters,no doubt with the Parish Priest at the head table or whatever...

    SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE :D


  • #28
    Improbable
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Improbable


    Er, cos it's his brother's wedding? The OP didn't even say that he was an atheist or whatever. He just asked the question over why he should have to make a "donation" as the best man...


  • #29
    chucken1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,761 ✭✭✭chucken1


    Improbable wrote: »
    Er, cos it's his brother's wedding? The OP didn't even say that he was an atheist or whatever. He just asked the question over why he should have to make a "donation" as the best man...

    He posted in this Forum?
    Being the Best man in a church! :)


  • #30
    Improbable
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Improbable


    chucken1 wrote: »
    He posted in this Forum?
    Being the Best man in a church! :)

    Maybe because atheists would know more about it given that we're usually the ones who are up in arms about things like mandatory donations. Anyway, not really an issue to get hung up on. Regardless of his position on religion, it's still his brothers wedding.

    Billy, I can't say that I've ever heard of the best man ever being asked to make a "donation".


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  • #31
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    chucken1 wrote: »
    Why did you agree to get involved in something you dont agree with? :confused:

    I mean you will be in a church..saying whatever..and the afters,no doubt with the Parish Priest at the head table or whatever...

    SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE :D

    What does a best man have to do apart from stand in a church and hold the ring? And since when does a priest sit at the head table?


  • #32
    smokingman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,766 ✭✭✭smokingman


    Been a best man at both my brothers weddings and never had to pay any of my own money to the church. Usually, the best man gives the "donation" to the priest but it's always the envelope given by the groom. With the other lads on this, tell your bro nice try sunshine!


  • #33
    smcgiff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,943 ✭✭✭smcgiff


    What smokingman said,

    The groom is confused. He ponies up the money, but gives it to the Best man to give to the witchdoctor.

    However, I do agree with a payment being made from a purely business perspective. You're using the premises and the man's time. So, yes a payment is in order.


  • #34
    Billy Mays
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,283 ✭✭✭Billy Mays


    Cheers for the input. I was going through the whole best man duties rigmarole with my brother and he threw it out there about paying the priest. I've since told him that no way I'm giving any of my money to the church, if he wants to give me an envelope to hand over, no problem. He knows my feelings on the church so was probably just winding me up saying i had to give something.


  • #35
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    smcgiff wrote: »

    However, I do agree with a payment being made from a purely business perspective. You're using the premises and the man's time. So, yes a payment is in order.

    Hmmm, not sure if I agree. He is already getting payed for his time.

    Give him a set of rosary beads in a thank you card. I'm sure it would mean more to him than material wealth. :rolleyes:


  • #36
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    smcgiff wrote: »
    However, I do agree with a payment being made from a purely business perspective. You're using the premises and the man's time. So, yes a payment is in order.

    I thought the church was a non profit organisation? Surely joining man and woman in holy matrimony in god's house is payment enough?


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  • #37
    edwinkane
    Closed Accounts Posts: 376 ✭✭edwinkane


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    I thought the church was a non profit organisation? Surely joining man and woman in holy matrimony in god's house is payment enough?

    lol, this post actually made me laugh out loud. The RC Church has had the accumulation of wealth and power as its primary goals for hundreds of years, and the whole god thing is secondary.


  • #38
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    edwinkane wrote: »
    lol, this post actually made me laugh out loud. The RC Church has had the accumulation of wealth and power as its primary goals for hundreds of years, and the whole god thing is secondary.
    thats_the_joke.jpg


  • #39
    Peregrinus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,086 ✭✭✭✭Peregrinus


    Your brother is either confused, or winding you up.

    There is usually a payment to the priest, and to the organist, and sometimes also a payment to the parish, and the groom is responsible for all of them. It's customary for the groom to give the best man the necessary cash/cheques in advance, and for the best man to pass them on to the priest and the organist on the day. It's one less thing for the groom to worry about on a day which he should spend staring devotedly into the eyes of his beloved.

    If you were uncomfortable even with acting as bag-man for someone else's payments , then I would say don't agree to be best man. But your post doesn't suggest that you have any problem with handling your brother's payment; just with making a payment at your own expense.

    If your brother genuinely expects you to make a payment at your own expense, it is not an expectation which many other people would share. Politely tell him that he is mistaken; it is not a traditional part of the best man's role, and it's not something you have any desire to do.


  • #40
    edwinkane
    Closed Accounts Posts: 376 ✭✭edwinkane


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    thats_the_joke.jpg

    Which is probably why I laughed out loud!


  • #41
    Dades
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    Peregrinus wrote: »
    ...

    If your brother genuinely expects you to make a payment at your own expense, it is not an expectation which many other people would share. Politely tell him that he is mistaken; it is not a traditional part of the best man's role, and it's not something you have any desire to do.
    Psst. :pac:


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  • #42
    EimearM
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16 ✭EimearM


    Can anyone tell me what is the going rate for a "donation" to the Church on your wedding day?

    Cheers!


  • #43
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    EimearM wrote: »
    Can anyone tell me what is the going rate for a "donation" to the Church on your wedding day?

    Cheers!

    Hi Eimear, I take it you just did a search for 'church donation' and got taken to this thread? The question is probably better suited to the Weddings Marriage and Civil Partnership forum.

    I hear people tend to give between 100 - 300 though. (Still reckon people should give something like a thank you card and a set of rosary beads though instead of money)

    Congratulations on the wedding and welcome to Boards btw.

    Jaysus....I came over all helpful there for a minute.... weird.


  • #44
    Dades
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    Good job, strobe!


  • #45
    Improbable
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Improbable


    strobe wrote: »
    Jaysus....I came over all helpful there for a minute.... weird.

    I must demand that you now go out and kick 15 puppies in the face. The more adorable, the better! This has to be evened out karmically!


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