Social problems in a council area.

Deliverance

I'm not sure how to broach this problem other than to say that I have 6-8yr old obnoxious, toxic brat neighbours child that constantly shows his presence in my immediate home / council home area by being horrible, antagonistic and apeish towards adults and shows applied ignorence from a parent and extended family that are from a 'minority culture' background whom are unwilling or unable to discipline their kids in any way.

It is getting to the stage where I avoid contact as much as possible with this family by staying at work late or leaving for work early to limit contact as much as possible. I even arrange to leave the flat in quiet periods with my daughter when he is not around.

the problem is that he is only a child and I just tend to ignore him, but recently as I entered the communal building where I live with my 5yr old daughter, he laid his hands on me and tried to stop me from entering, I just walked through him and smiled.

Another problem is his behaviour and subsequent effect on the general area is becoming obvious to the mother of my child, we have a good seperated relationship and I have good access. She is naturally becoming concerned with the nature of the area that my child is in and could be subjected to by the behaviour from this 'child' which is aggressive and is becoming more unreasonable by the day.

I foresee a conflict, one that I cannot win due to the nature of the people involved, they seem to live for drama and conflict, I do not.

Maybe I am making more of this than I should? Or am I right in wanting to get away from an area that could potentially be a negative influence on my growing daughters life via being in an area that seems to be populated by folks that see this type of behaviour as the norm?

I can handle people that are ****ty and ignorent easily by myself and can shake it off, but I do not want my daughter to be involved with that kind of 'Norm' as she gets older.

Advice from parents appreciated on this. So far my daughter is oblivious to the crap that goes on where I live (there is more) some of the stuff / behaviours that I have seen out the window is shocking.

Sometimes I think that I am living in the movie: 'Life is beautiful' as the main character protecting my child from the idiots that I live next to.

Fittle

Firstly, I'm not sure why the fact that it's a council area is relevant.
I am assuming you mention it to ask if you can approach the council about the problem? Unfortunately, I doubt it, particularly when this behaviour is coming from a child, but hey, anything is worth a shot, so a quick note to your local council to explain the matter, see if there is a solution on their side, and see what happens. The worse that can happen is they say 'you're on your own'.

Secondly, we have neighbours from eastern europe. When we met them first, we also found the children quite aggressive - but I some came to realise that a huge part of it was a language barrier for them. As they've gotten a bit older, and begun to understand their peers, their aggressive tone has disappeared and they now play happily on the road with all the other children.

Have you thought that this might be a language barrier? Have you tried to approach the childs parents?

When you say 'shows their presence in my immediate home' do you mean the child is in your home? Do you let him/her in? I'm a bit confused as to how this child could bother you so much by 'laying his hands on me' A 6yr old 'laid his hands on you'? What does that mean exactly?

Sorry, but if it's bothering you that much and you have your childs best interests at heart and don't want her growing up in this environment, then I'd move.

Wantobe

Can you move?

mikemac

Fittle wrote: »

When you say 'shows their presence in my immediate home' do you mean the child is in your home? Do you let him/her in?

How I read that is the OP mentioned a communal building which I suppose a fancy way of saying a block of flats.
That child is hanging around the doorways and corridors in the council flats

metrovelvet

You get bullying and intimidation in all walks of life.

Ok, a lot of people will not agree with this tactic but however, I am of the put your child and his or her survival and success first camp so take it or leave it.

Environment is a very strong factor in what we choose to believe about ourselves. If I were in your shoes, I would not want her to think that this was her destiny so I would imbue a sense that this is not what she aspires to be, this is not her lineage either, and that she should segregate herself from it and rise above it.

That, or move.

Deliverance

Trying to move, transfer request sent in etc. I agree with you metro, if I had not experienced what I see from the behaivour that I see day to day then I would probably take a more bleeding heart stance.

However I am developing a 'them and us' mentality. I try to shield my daughter from this growing attitude that I am developing as I don't want to transfer my growing hatred onto her, it is unhealthy enough for me as it is.

This morning alone I witnessed the little brat and his like minded shills attempting to climb into the open window of a neighbours downstairs flat. It was the bedroom of two little kids (a little girl (approx 2yrs) and a boy (approx 5yrs)). they were poking a long stick into the window as they slept. After that they proceeded to shout into the letter box, swearing and threatening them, words used went like this "I know your in their you fckers, come out you bstards". Also, later on that day they approached a young woman in a car at random as she got in and antagonised her. They enjoyed the reaction that they got.

This goes far beyond mischeviousness which would be natural, it is pure nasty and is set to get worse as it goes unchecked.

The big problem is that they are fearless and dangerous, dangerous because to tackle them in any way would end up causing more problems due to their extended family connections that make them this way. The family are Irish by the way so it is not a language barrier or need for inclusion etc, I would understand that. They are the type that like to be exclusive from general Irish society whilst enjoying a minority status which I am challenging as they are apparently very wealthy (jeeps, salloon cars, quinny buggies that cost 400euros etc).

I am recording everything that is happening and creating a blog to highlight and store a 'composite schedule of incidents' for the council. I'm pretty sure though that the council will do as little as possible due to their cowardly nature and non involvement policy unless things esculate to the point where a serious incident happens.

I can only look at the growing antisocial behaviour as an oppurtunity to bring them down eventually so the worse they get and the more antisocial actions that they partake in becomes part of a blog that I am building which will contain 'rich media' evidence such as photos of dumped rubbish with payslips with addresses clearly seen, audio files with drunken friends turning up smashing bottles and shouting the names of the family members staying over etc.

I work in the media area by the way so I have all the equipment to hand and can use it profesionally, also I can use social media and marketing effectively, so bring it on is all I can say.

I am surprised though that some parents can let their kids so freely and openly allow this behaviour which is obviously antisocial go on and turn a blind eye. What is wrong with them? Any normal parent, even one with a so called economic poor background will continue to let this happen and even encourage it in some cases?

These people are not a minority they are ignorent people abusing a system and the people that are giving them the chance in the first place to get out of the hole that they are supposedly in to integrate them into a decent society.

I would love to see a tiered system whereby so called Irish minorities are identified by genuine need over these scumbags that spend their lives being a burden on society on all levels.

dark crystal

I really feel for you, OP, as I have much the same problem with a family of settled 'minority' statuses next door to me.

None of the kids go to school, the two adolescent daughters openly smoke in front of the mother, the toddler roams about in soiled nappies at all hours, the back garden has been turned into a tip and the back walls graffitied on.

The mother (if you could call her that) has different men in the home frequently, one of whom unzipped his pants, took out his penis and pissed against our front wall in front of a group of children. There's constant shouting coming from the house - this is how they seem to communicate with each other on a daily basis...the language they use to scream at each other is vile.. The eldest daughter (15) entertains groups of scummy young lads outside her front gate till all hours, roaring and drinking and generally being an inconsiderate scumbag.

I've complained numerous times to the anti social behaviour unit about them (and a child from another family who has broken into our home twice now), but all they say is that they will note the complaints and will give a warning to these families. Nothing ever comes of it.
The Housing liaison officer here has said there is basically no chance of us being transferred because of the length of people on the waiting list.

It's soul destroying to live this way and no one can understand the utter despair a parent feels having to bring a child up living next to such human garbage. I try everyday to instill good manners, a good work ethic and a sense of self worth to my own children, but when they have to co-exist with these types of people, you wonder just how much they will pick up. It's awful to have to keep the children indoors most of the time because a few other children ruin life around the estate for the others.

Both the police and the council are so reluctant to tackle these people, it's a joke. If you're under 18, you basically have free reign to do as you wish in this country.

Myself and my OH are seriously considering moving abroad, as we don't want our children having to grow up in these conditions. It's just not fair on them.

I wish we could win the bloody lotto and buy a house in a nice area, but at the moment, we basically live hand to mouth, with little disposable income between us, even working three jobs between the two of us (I know many people are in the same boat)

I really don't know what advice to give you, OP, except keep recording and reporting every incident and calling the anti social behaviour unit until they are sick of your voice! If possible, contact your local TD and see if he or she can help you in any way.

Best of luck to you.

Fittle

I am not entirely sure why you just didn't use the word 'traveller'? Has the world gone so PC so you can't even use that word anymore

The truth us, there are few of us who would be enamoured with the idea of living next door to settled travellers.

Continue harrassing the local Council, go to your local TD, your local councillor etc in the hopes of getting a transfer out of there. There is much more possibility of you being moved from there, than there is that the council will evict them.

In the meantime, is there anywhere else you can bring your child when you have access? A family member/a friends house for the core hours you have her when she might want to go out to play? Could she get out to play in your area anyhow?

The evenings are getting brighter so for the forseeable, I'd take her to parks/howth/bray anywhere just to ensure that she doesn't think what she witnesses from the behaviour of those children is the norm.

Document everything and harass the Council until they move you.

wonderfulname

Deliverance wrote: »

The big problem is that they are fearless and dangerous, dangerous because to tackle them in any way would end up causing more problems due to their extended family connections that make them this way. The family are Irish by the way so it is not a language barrier or need for inclusion etc, I would understand that. They are the type that like to be exclusive from general Irish society whilst enjoying a minority status which I am challenging as they are apparently very wealthy (jeeps, salloon cars, quinny buggies that cost 400euros etc).

Ah, "Travellers", I snapped at a bunch of these before, they had decided that the reason I wasn't caving in to them was because of their so called minority status, I told them they wouldn't know a traveller if they saw one, that they were just the same as any other person in their block of flats, that shut them up pretty sharpish. Not advisable if they know who you are though...

Deliverance wrote: »

I am recording everything that is happening and creating a blog to highlight and store a 'composite schedule of incidents' for the council. I'm pretty sure though that the council will do as little as possible due to their cowardly nature and non involvement policy unless things esculate to the point where a serious incident happens.
I can only look at the growing antisocial behaviour as an oppurtunity to bring them down eventually so the worse they get and the more antisocial actions that they partake in becomes part of a blog that I am building which will contain 'rich media' evidence such as photos of dumped rubbish with payslips with addresses clearly seen, audio files with drunken friends turning up smashing bottles and shouting the names of the family members staying over etc.

This is a very good move, I know someone who went down this route. They also set up numerous email accounts to give the impression that multiple people were aggravated at the antisocial behaviour. Its not that that wasn't the case, its just that very few people actually felt there was a point to speaking out. Overall the campaign resulted in increased policing and litter warden presence which really improved the estate.

Deliverance wrote: »

I am surprised though that some parents can let their kids so freely and openly allow this behaviour which is obviously antisocial go on and turn a blind eye. What is wrong with them? Any normal parent, even one with a so called economic poor background will continue to let this happen and even encourage it in some cases?

Have you confronted the parents? If you are very careful with your wording and give the impression you're on their side you might get somewhere.

Deliverance wrote: »

These people are not a minority they are ignorent people abusing a system and the people that are giving them the chance in the first place to get out of the hole that they are supposedly in to integrate them into a decent society.

Totally agreed.


Don't worry about your daughter, her upbringing will be defined by you, not them. You and her mother will set her moral values. However in the long term it is probably better for you to try and move to somewhere better.