Taking it to the next level

Shiv411

Hi All,

So a really close friend and i have decided we're meant for eachother and have been officially going out about 3 months now, we're very close and affectionate but thats as far as its gone at the moment.
He told me about a month ago that he wants to be with me more than anything and he thinks I'm gorgeous and loves everything about me but is finding it a little hard to get past the 'friends' thing and he cant really imagine being 'naughty' (his words) with me, I must admit it was a little weird kissing him at first and I couldn't imagine it either but i want us to bite the bullet so this isn't hanging over our heads any longer, but i don't know how to approach the subject or even if i should... so i'm asking for some advice if i haven't bored you to death with my story :0/

Some male opinions too would be great, or if anyone has ever been friends first with there other half is this normal??

Cheap Thrills!

Shiv411 wrote: »

He told me about a month ago that he wants to be with me more than anything and he thinks I'm gorgeous and loves everything about me but is finding it a little hard to get past the 'friends' thing and he cant really imagine being 'naughty' (his words) with me,

Wow. That's very confusing OP. Talk about mixed messages!

He wants to be with you more than anything but 'really can't imagine being naughty' with you?

That's not too good, especially so early on. Normally couples in the early stages have problems keeping their hands off each other, friends or not.

I would view that as a big red flag. Also the fact that you've been going out 3 months and there has been only kissing, am I right?

Shiv411 wrote: »

I must admit it was a little weird kissing him at first and I couldn't imagine it either but i want us to bite the bullet so this isn't hanging over our heads any longer, but i don't know how to approach the subject or even if i should..

God OP, I must admit reading this, it sounds more like the sex is an inconvenience to be gotten out of the way.

Are you sure there is really any genuine chemistry there? Or are you two just throwing in your lot together kind of experimentally.

I know some couples don't place as much value on sexual chemistry as others but generally there should be something there from the start. At the moment it slightly sounds like a 'marriage of convenience' with the sex being an afterthought, instead of the central glue that binds the couple together.

LegacyUser

[QUOTE=Shiv411;71117521 bite the bullet so this isn't hanging over our heads any longer, but i don't know how to approach the subject or even if i should[/QUOTE]

Hi OP, the part of your post I've quoted would make me wonder if either of you are in the right place for a more intimate phase of your relationship. Personally, I wouldn't be intimate to "bite the bullet", it should be a natural, exciting and lovely development, not a hurdle to be jumped.
As to approaching the subject with him, absolutely do. Talking about it may reveal you are both ready, but needed the chat first, or you may out it's just not the time.

Overall, intimacy of any kind should be an expression of a relationship, along with other things, not a goal of it. Enjoy the excitement of the development of your relationship so far and don't force it until you're both ready.

Not that it matters, but you asked for particular opinions - I am male )

Shiv411

If your confused can you imagine how i feel

Yes its only been kissing so far and lots and lots of cuddles haha... i would like it to go further now because i'm crazy about him and i want to not just to get it over with, i should have chosen my words carefully on that

We have really great chemistry and are very comfortable with eachother but the sexual chemistry is just not there at the moment and i really want to talk to him about it but have no clue about what i should say.

Taltos

OP - while I was where you are now we are all different so what worked for me may not work for you.
One thing though - do not rush into sex - make sure it is when you are both ready & sober

The big thing that worked for us was to talk about how we felt - but not to keep focusing on the oddity of how you feel - trust me it should pass (provided you don't dwell). Just accept it and keep doing what you are doing - little touches, kissing etc. Just keep focusing on how he makes you feel - and don't be afraid from letting him know how happy he makes you feel.

As I said it worked for me - hope you find a way to make it work for you ...

I am a friend

Would you book a night away so you are both out of your normal environment.

I know there is no rush but sex is what differentiates you from being just friends. If you are comfortable kissing for a while now I would be expecting things to escalate as well myself.

Angeles

Curious OP, what age group would the 2 of you fall under?

SarahG91

OP, you are going out with this man 3 months now and if you don't make a move beyond kissing and cuddling soon it's not going to happen!

He thinks you're gorgeous, and he loves everything about you ... but he's so used to seeing you in the context of a friend that he feels embarrassed about wanting to tear your clothes off and get down to serious naughtiness ... although I'm guessing he wants to.

Maybe he just needs a bit of encouragement? How about having a glass of wine to loosen your inhibitions. Then, kiss him passionately and urgently. Guide his hands onto your boobs and let him caress them. Make it clear that you want it, you like it, and you want him to go further. "Friends" was yesterday; naughty sex partners is now.

I'm betting that once you've had some uninhibited and satisfying sex, it will all feel very different.

Shiv411

SarahG91 wrote: »

OP, you are going out with this man 3 months now and if you don't make a move beyond kissing and cuddling soon it's not going to happen!

He thinks you're gorgeous, and he loves everything about you ... but he's so used to seeing you in the context of a friend that he feels embarrassed about wanting to tear your clothes off and get down to serious naughtiness ... although I'm guessing he wants to.

Maybe he just needs a bit of encouragement? How about having a glass of wine to loosen your inhibitions. Then, kiss him passionately and urgently. Guide his hands onto your boobs and let him caress them. Make it clear that you want it, you like it, and you want him to go further. "Friends" was yesterday; naughty sex partners is now.

I'm betting that once you've had some uninhibited and satisfying sex, it will all feel very different.

Sorry forgot to mention our age... i'm 28 and he's 32

You have it down to a tee... he's told me that he knows we are made for eachother but finds it hard to imagine tearing my clothes but doesn't know why, i've never been in this position before where its friends first and neither has he so its new to the both of us.

Taltos

Shiv411 wrote: »

Sorry forgot to mention our age... i'm 28 and he's 32

You have it down to a tee... he's told me that he knows we are made for eachother but finds it hard to imagine tearing my clothes but doesn't know why, i've never been in this position before where its friends first and neither has he so its new to the both of us.

OK - with that extra info - I think the suggestion above of a weekend away is ideal...
Somewhere nice and romantic - no squealing kids ruining the atmosphere - there are loads of great places out there - eg Ashford Castle to name just one...
Wear something sexy to dinner with a little surprise for afters - ok - so he may not rip your clothes off - but there is nothing to stop you leading him along the path to undressing you....

Best of luck OP

Shiv411

Thank you very much everyone for your advice and for shedding some light on the situation i really appreciate it