What's the best approach with a girl i work with?

James400

Hi all, i'm looking for opinions (mainly female but i'll take every opinion on board).

I'm single in my late 30's and there's a single girl who i work with (she works in a different department) whom i got on very well with at a previous work function.

At the previous work do a couple of months ago, i got talking to her at the bar for a while and i felt that she was standing close to me. Later in the evening, she had to leave the night-club early and one other person in our work group only said goodbye to her...so i kind of spontaneusly walked over to her and gave her a big hug, it has to be said i had a few scoops on me at the time!..but i felt she genuinely thanked me for doing it. I'd be interested in female opinions about a guy doing that.

As i said, she works in a completely different section of the company from me..so i'd only see her every so often, but it's all polite as everybody is always quite busy, we would say hello to each other.

So, there is another work party coming up soon in a pub in town and she is likely to be there. I feel i've reached a point where i don't know if i should get to know her better or grab the bull by the horns and actually ask her out?

There are a few things that i feel are hindering me from asking her out:

-i'm terrified of other work colleagues reaction.

-i don't want to come across as i'm stalking her or something..i.e i'm not going to actively pursue her at the upcoming party as she deserves her own space..but i will talk to her at some point.

-there is one guy in particular at work who is married with kids who she is fond of (nothing in it) because he's a great dancer!

I was going to ask her out at other work do's..but this was well and truely scuppered when once she asked him when he was going to dance with her when i was talking to her and secondly it happened when he grabbed her just as i was going to ask her out again!!....

...if he's at the next party, i won't see her for the night!..and he'll be with her dancing.

John400

I've had that before, another guy at work grabbing a girl who i like to dance with him all the time at work do's.

It's a killer for your self-confidence as a guy, because you feel you'll never have the opportunity to ask her out.

Kevin Duffy

Learn to dance.

John400

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Learn to dance.

And here's Thursday night's smartarse.

For crying out loud give an opinion instead of taking the piss.

Kevin Duffy

John400 wrote: »

And here's Thursday night's smartarse.

For crying out loud give an opinion instead of taking the piss.

It is an opinion/advice. The girl clearly likes to dance, she picks the other guy 'cos he's a good dancer according to the OP, so he should learn to dance and dance with her.

I await your apology for the personalised comment with baited breath, though your ill-mannered post suggests I may turn blue. Your posts also do not help, so don't feel free to criticise mine.

Silverfish

John400 wrote: »

And here's Thursday night's smartarse.

For crying out loud give an opinion instead of taking the piss.

Banned, 7 days.

Distorted

Female opinion - In answer to your questions, I think the hug is rather nice. If she didn't like it, she would have backed off or kept her arms by her sides.

Don't worry about your work colleagues - they might not find out and relationship possibilities are more important than their opinions anyway. They will probably be envious anyway.

I doubt very much she would think you were stalking her by appearing at two different work dos, spaced apart. Especially if you play it reasonably cool as you plan.

You could have a word with dancer guy, she can't be dancing all night with him though so you are just going to make sure you get your move in! she might have asked him to dance before because she felt self conscious - being at these things and just standing around can make people nervous.

James400

Distorted wrote: »

Female opinion - In answer to your questions, I think the hug is rather nice. If she didn't like it, she would have backed off or kept her arms by her sides.

Don't worry about your work colleagues - they might not find out and relationship possibilities are more important than their opinions anyway. They will probably be envious anyway.

I doubt very much she would think you were stalking her by appearing at two different work dos, spaced apart. Especially if you play it reasonably cool as you plan.

You could have a word with dancer guy, she can't be dancing all night with him though so you are just going to make sure you get your move in! she might have asked him to dance before because she felt self conscious - being at these things and just standing around can make people nervous.

Thanks a mill for your opinion.

As i say, i hugged her when she left the last party early as i do genuinely like her. Also, as i indicated i was a bit pissed so dutch courage kicked in!! I remember doing it and i remember her thanking me for it. I'm happy you think it was a nice thing to do...i'd be interested in other female opinions about that.

Firetrap

You posted about this before I think?

I'm female and honestly wouldn't be able to tell you what the hug means. It could mean all sorts of things. I've hugged people I didn't fancy and I've hugged ones who I did.

Really, you're going to have to make some sort of effort to get to know her better or ask her out. You sound like you've been admiring her from afar but really, apart from work dos, you're not talking to her much.

Sod what your work colleagues think. If she has any class at all, she'll either say yes or politely turn you down. We're not talking primary school kids here

James400

Firetrap wrote: »

You posted about this before I think?

I'm female and honestly wouldn't be able to tell you what the hug means. It could mean all sorts of things. I've hugged people I didn't fancy and I've hugged ones who I did.

Nope first time posting about it.

As regards the hug, i'd tend to be in agreement with 'Distorted', if she didn't welcome it she almost certainly would have backed away from me for sure or put her arms by her side.

She was leaving and being pretty much ignored by the general group and regardless of being jarred i made the effort, don't you think?

Do you think that the fact she thanked me after i did it translates into her not liking me?

As regards 'not talking to her much' i'm in a completely different area in work as i've already posted. Don't worry i've spoken to her at work do's but i don't want to make her feel uncomfortable.

Firetrap

Sorry about that - mistaken identity

I still think you're over-analysing the hug. It's safe to say she likes you enough to have you hug her and hopefully she does fancy you back. I think at this stage you might as well ask her out because you'll find yourself facing into this scenario again and again every time a work do comes up. It's not going to get any easier. Or maybe when the music's about to start up, get her out to dance? If she fancies you, she'll not think you're stalking her but will be delighted that you sought her out. So what if you can't really dance - a lot of people can't these days.

Zippy!!

Im a girl and this is what I think you should do; the next time you see her make sure you say something like "are you going to the party?" she will say yes, and then say "me too, i cant wait" or something else enthuastic. when your leaving make sure to say "see you on Tuesday" (whatever day the party is on)
This was she will know you are interested and will most likely approach you at the party herself!

James400

Zippy!! wrote: »

Im a girl and this is what I think you should do; the next time you see her make sure you say something like "are you going to the party?" she will say yes, and then say "me too, i cant wait" or something else enthuastic. when your leaving make sure to say "see you on Tuesday" (whatever day the party is on)
This was she will know you are interested and will most likely approach you at the party herself!

Great idea. Thanks for the advice, i'll take it on board.

Just an update- i came around a corner in work yesterday and she was walking towards me down the corridor, i said hi and i joked had a bit of banter with her. It seemed to have gone down well with her.

On a side note- she's going away with the job abroad next week so that's a bit of a bummer, hey these things happen.

Penny Dreadful

I echo the go for it approach.
I met my boyfriend at work and we don't work in the same department either. We met initially at a retirement party for someone else and there was just something there. I didn't get to talk to him again for ages afterward but did spot him around the place (little did I know then that he was trying to work up to asking me out:o) quite a bit and had started to think about how I would find out if he was seeing someone or not.
Anyhow long story short, one Friday evening he called me at work and asked if I'd like to go out for dinner or a drink sometime. I said, yes, I'd like that. We went on a date and now 9 months later we're moving in together.

James400

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

I echo the go for it approach.
I met my boyfriend at work and we don't work in the same department either. We met initially at a retirement party for someone else and there was just something there. I didn't get to talk to him again for ages afterward but did spot him around the place (little did I know then that he was trying to work up to asking me out:o)

Thanks for the advice.

My situation is quite similar to yours, i did feel there was something there with this girl when i initially got talking to her at the last work party, otherwise i probably wouldn't have hugged her when she left.

I'm in the same situation as your now boyfriend was- trying to work up the courage/ engineer a situation where i can ask her out.

Penny Dreadful

James400 wrote: »

Thanks for the advice.

My situation is quite similar to yours, i did feel there was something there with this girl when i initially got talking to her at the last work party, otherwise i probably wouldn't have hugged her when she left.

I'm in the same situation as your now boyfriend was- trying to work up the courage/ engineer a situation where i can ask her out.

Pick a day next week when you're just going to do it. Pick up the phone and call her.

Best of luck:D

James400

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Pick a day next week when you're just going to do it. Pick up the phone and call her.

Best of luck:D

Hi again, really appreciate the advice.

Two problems with your suggestion- firstly, as i posted earlier unfortunately she's abroad with work this coming week so i won't see her at all and secondly i work out on the warehouse floor so i don't have any direct phone line in to her offices if she was on site.

Oh and thirdly, i've no real idea what her number is if i had phone access!

As i said, i kind of ran into her in one of the corridors on Friday afternoon last so i was polite and had a bit of a laugh with her.

By the way, the party in question is coming up in a fortnight, so i'm going to see how things develop there. As i said, i think it's grossly unfair to the girl if i start following her around like a puppy and being too forward on the night because most girls hate that sort of thing and i'd never in a million years hassle any girl or put her under any pressure etc..

As i say, likelyhood is that i'm going to be talking to her at some point and if she's in the vincinity i will make the effort to talk to her. In a way i'll have to gauge things, because i certainly don't want other work colleagues in earshot etc if i'm going to ask her out.

Penny Dreadful

James400 wrote: »

Hi again, really appreciate the advice.

Two problems with your suggestion- firstly, as i posted earlier unfortunately she's abroad with work this coming week so i won't see her at all and secondly i work out on the warehouse floor so i don't have any direct phone line in to her offices if she was on site.

Oh and thirdly, i've no real idea what her number is if i had phone access!

As i said, i kind of ran into her in one of the corridors on Friday afternoon last so i was polite and had a bit of a laugh with her.

By the way, the party in question is coming up in a fortnight, so i'm going to see how things develop there. As i said, i think it's grossly unfair to the girl if i start following her around like a puppy and being too forward on the night because most girls hate that sort of thing and i'd never in a million years hassle any girl or put her under any pressure etc..

As i say, likelyhood is that i'm going to be talking to her at some point and if she's in the vincinity i will make the effort to talk to her. In a way i'll have to gauge things, because i certainly don't want other work colleagues in earshot etc if i'm going to ask her out.

Ok:) Obviously picking up the phone isn't as straight forward as I had thought.
She is away this week so nothing can happen then anyhow. At the party I'd make it my business to talk to her and see how the evening develops. If you two are getting along and you still feel that that "something" is there then ask her if she'd fancy going out for dinner or a drink sometime.
If she says yes then don't just leave it at that cause if you do then there is some uncertainty, if it going to happen isn't it? Will it be dinner and/or a drink? Was he just being nice by asking me out?........So if she says yes then say "great, how about dinner on Thursday?"
Little note: I'm not sure where you both work and if shift work is involved or if you have to work on weekends so as a Monday to Friday slave I think a Thursday is good because if the date is a winner then you could meet up again on Saturday or Sunday.
Very very very best of luck:)

James400

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Ok:) Obviously picking up the phone isn't as straight forward as I had thought.
She is away this week so nothing can happen then anyhow. At the party I'd make it my business to talk to her and see how the evening develops. If you two are getting along and you still feel that that "something" is there then ask her if she'd fancy going out for dinner or a drink sometime.
If she says yes then don't just leave it at that cause if you do then there is some uncertainty, if it going to happen isn't it? Will it be dinner and/or a drink? Was he just being nice by asking me out?........So if she says yes then say "great, how about dinner on Thursday?"
Little note: I'm not sure where you both work and if shift work is involved or if you have to work on weekends so as a Monday to Friday slave I think a Thursday is good because if the date is a winner then you could meet up again on Saturday or Sunday.
Very very very best of luck:)

Hey thanks again.

Just an update, i did a bit of investigating and it's pretty much certain that she's going to be there. So i'm now in full plan mode!..daunting as it is.

Oh i agree with your assessment, i will try and nail down a definite date etc...if i'm fortunate enough that she says yes.

Another female friend was asking about what happened at the previous party, also i kind of forgot..i approached her initially and she moved me over to the bar while putting her back to other people while talking to me, which is apparently most definitely a sign of interest, and as i said before she was standing close to me.

James400

I just found out this morning in work that the girl who i like is going over to the UK next week instead of this week!...this leaves me in a bit of a situation as the work party in question is Friday week the 25th of March..also, apparently she is going over to the UK for 4 days from next Tuesday so she will be over there on the day of the do, so the chance is there that she may miss it completely (bugger!!).

She's very friendly with everyone so i'm hoping she makes the party, even if she comes across from the UK on the day.

****e.

She may be going over on Monday which means she can then make it.

mood

Next time you bump into her in a hall way and get chatting just ask her if she wants to go for a drink some time. You need to either go for it or forget about her. You seem to be spending way too much time thinking about a girl you have only spoke to a few times.

John400

mood wrote: »

Next time you bump into her in a hall way and get chatting just ask her if she wants to go for a drink some time. You need to either go for it or forget about her. You seem to be spending way too much time thinking about a girl you have only spoke to a few times.

I think that's being unfair to the OP though. If there's one place that you shouldn't really be asking her it's in the corridor at work because you're risking colleagues over-hearing for a start and then the rumour mill starts swinging into action. In fact a lot of people would be against either person asking each other out at work.

Also, it's a bit unfair to be saying that he's only spoken to her a few times etc...well, that's the way it is where the OP works, i'm not going to be blaming him for working in a different area.

OP, personally i think you should just go with the flow. Because how are you going to enjoy the night if you've constantly got this girl on your mind?

Personally, i think she will probably be there. First off, you are completely doing the right thing by not following her around at this event because there's nothing more off-putting to a girl if she thinks that you're nearly in stalker mode (!).

Also, she clearly likes you but how do you know what will occur?

-she may not possibly turn up.
-if dancer guy gets hold of her you most certainly won't see her for the night.
-she could be in a rotten mood...the list is endless.

Just enjoy the night with your colleagues. If it materilises that you end up talking to her then brilliant, do make some kind of effort if she's in your vincinity but don't let this rule your night because you won't be enjoying yourself because you'll constantly be on edge.

As i said nothing more off putting to a girl then a guy almost getting obsessive, nothing wrong with being friendly though.

mood

John400 I'm not being unfair. As far as I recall he has only spoke to her on a few occasions. I think he is building it up to much and will a lot more disappointed if he doesn't get a chance to ask her out or if she says no. I'm not trying to say she will say know or not but she could especially as the OP doesn't even know if she is single or not.

OP either ask her out in work or at a work do if you two get chatting but try to think about it all a bit less.

John400

mood wrote: »

John400 I'm not being unfair. As far as I recall he has only spoke to her on a few occasions. I think he is building it up to much and will a lot more disappointed if he doesn't get a chance to ask her out or if she says no. I'm not trying to say she will say know or not but she could especially as the OP doesn't even know if she is single or not.

OP either ask her out in work or at a work do if you two get chatting but try to think about it all a bit less.

mood, the girl in question is in fact single the OP stated that in his first post.

What i'm saying is that you seem to be emphasising that the OP has only spoken to her on a few occasions...i'm not disagreeing with you because he has only spoken to her on a few occasions!..the thing is though, that set of circumstances is always going to be the case because in works in a completely different area of the company..it's not really the guys fault!

I agree with what you're saying about the OP asking her out if he gets the opportunity to do so, 100%.

You're saying he should think about it less, and i agree..as he's attending the party next weekend i think he should just go with the flow. As i said, how on earth is he going to enjoy the party if he's constantly on edge worrying about this girl. If it happens it happens, if it doesn't occur then, it doesn't occur then.

I'm sure he will have other chances with this girl at work or at other dos.

mood

John400 I'm not saying it's his fault he has only spoke to her a few times. I just think he is investing too much time into this will could end up with him being very disappointed.

I thought he didn't know if she was single or not. Maybe I'm thinking of a different thread!

John400

mood wrote: »

John400 I'm not saying it's his fault he has only spoke to her a few times. I just think he is investing too much time into this will could end up with him being very disappointed.

I thought he didn't know if she was single or not. Maybe I'm thinking of a different thread!

Hi mood, he's pretty sure she's single (re: his opening post)

I'm agreeing with you that he's probably investing too much time into this but does that necessarily mean he's going to end up disappointed, she could really like him?...

...i was talking to a female mate of mine who's been following this thread and she's convinced the girl in question really likes the OP because of his gesture to her at the Christmas Party, that kind of stuff sticks in a girls mind apparently.

James400

Hi all, thanks for all of the advice since!

Just to give you all a bit of an update. Since the last time i ran into her in the corridor, i happened to run into her again in a different corridor at work. At the time i had a client on the phone to me, and she was walking towards me, i went out of my way to say hi to her and she said hi back to me with a big smile on her face.

So to yesterday, i was finishing my morning tea-break and she was in the area i work, just as i came out of the canteen another client rang me so i was on the phone going back and forth past her. Also i went into my office a couple of times and she was looking in at me. She left our area in her car as she was doing a delivery for us.

I'll be honest here, my gut feeling is telling me she likes me.

Also, as regards the party this Friday night, there's a couple of colleagues who can't make it but apparently the majority of people can. A couple of my male colleagues can't make it so i'll be going into this event on my own, i haven't been out in town for a while so i'm going to go to this and enjoy myself and as some of you have said 'go with the flow'.

As regards, the girl i like, as i said she's away with work for 4 days next week so there is an outside possibility that she won't be there at all. It is more likely that she'll probably turn up as she's quite popular and she gets on with everbody. In a way i'm hoping she makes it, she may even come back from England on Friday morning to attend it.

From today, i've decided to just go with the flow. Whatever may occur at the party, then so be it. I'm tending to agree with you all that i'm probably better off attending this without being on edge. I can only see what develops, if the opportunity arises with this girl then brilliant..but i have to enjoy myself, you're all right!

John400

Distorted wrote: »

Female opinion - In answer to your questions, I think the hug is rather nice. If she didn't like it, she would have backed off or kept her arms by her sides.

OP, my female friend is of the same opinion as this previous female poster^.

From what i can gather there's no doubting that this girl would most certainly remember a gesture like that. In a nutshell- the girl most probably likes you.

From a personal point of view, you are taking the correct action by just seeing how things may or may not develop on Friday night. For definite, do not follow this girl around/or put her under any pressure.

If you have an opportunity to talk to her then brilliant and if you feel the chance is there to ask her out then go for it. Of course nothing wrong with gauging how things are first.

LegacyUser

very simple one two three: (and i challange you it will work lile charm in your situation)

1- a 1 line EMAIL(email not phone) 30 mins before lunch time: cheap pizza?
2- once reply :

A) Yes. reply back: at 12:30 meet in corridor, then drive out to nearest cheap pizza shop and tell her IMMEDIATELY after you order AND eat.

No. reply back: Sad, I wanted to treat you and then ask you out!!

3) arrange for furthers!


trust me, If I was in your shoe, I would do it! you are lucky having an interest in a near-by person for easy access hehe

SheRa

UnlimitedDisappointment wrote: »

very simple one two three: (and i challange you it will work lile charm in your situation)

1- a 1 line EMAIL(email not phone) 30 mins before lunch time: cheap pizza?
2- once reply :

A) Yes. reply back: at 12:30 meet in corridor, then drive out to nearest cheap pizza shop and tell her IMMEDIATELY after you order AND eat.

No. reply back: Sad, I wanted to treat you and then ask you out!!

3) arrange for furthers!


trust me, If I was in your shoe, I would do it! you are lucky having an interest in a near-by person for easy access hehe

Whatever you do, please dont so this. The girl will think that you are rude, presumptous and mad all at the same time.

mood

UnlimitedDisappointment wrote: »

very simple one two three: (and i challange you it will work lile charm in your situation)

1- a 1 line EMAIL(email not phone) 30 mins before lunch time: cheap pizza?
2- once reply :

A) Yes. reply back: at 12:30 meet in corridor, then drive out to nearest cheap pizza shop and tell her IMMEDIATELY after you order AND eat.

No. reply back: Sad, I wanted to treat you and then ask you out!!

3) arrange for furthers!


trust me, If I was in your shoe, I would do it! you are lucky having an interest in a near-by person for easy access hehe

I don't like this approach either. If you are going to ask her out via e-mail do it properly.

James400

mood wrote: »

I don't like this approach either. If you are going to ask her out via e-mail do it properly.

Don't worry i'd never do that.

Just an update, i caught a glimpse of her yesterday in work so she is now going to England for 4 days from today Tuesday- bugger!!!

Looking like she may possibly not make the party, Friday night.

John400

James400 wrote: »

Don't worry i'd never do that.

Just an update, i caught a glimpse of her yesterday in work so she is now going to England for 4 days from today Tuesday- bugger!!!

Looking like she may possibly not make the party, Friday night.

Not necessarily.

If she's going over today, she could well return on Friday morning/afternoon. It's a short flight.

My feeling is that she'll probably be there (at the party), it's unlikely she'll stay Friday night because if she does then she'll have been there for 5 days. Also why come back the weekend when you can come back a day earlier?