should I move away to be with my boyfriend?

jellybeans

Hi there I am in need of some advice I am 35 years old and have a great job teaching which has just been made permanent. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. He is from Croatia and when I met him was meant to be leaving to go home after a years holiday here in Ireland. He decided to stay and not go home but he has told me in the last few weeks that he wants to go home in September when his Visa's up. He really doesn't like it here and hasn't had a good experience with the Irish, they are pretty racist it seems. He hates the weather and the drinking culture etc so is adamant he wont live in Ireland. He has said he wants us to get married and have kids etc but flatly refuses to stay here in Ireland. He has given me the option of moving somewhere else but those options dont really appeal to me as they are too far away from home (Canada and Australia). The other thing apart from my job is that i own an apartment here and a car! I have no idea what to do and the decision is making me feel sick my mother was also sick and it's left me feeling nervous about leaving my family and I always wanted my family to be around my children etc. I have to add Im not necessarily a career person and would like to give up work if i could afford it to look after my kids but i know that may be financially unrealistic as my boyfriend is going back to croatia to do a masters etc???

Stheno

moved from tLL

Motley Crue

Yes, the Irish are extremely racist people

And I think it would be unwise to move back with him straight away, although there is a possibility of you don't then you might not get this kind of relationship again.

Canada is a lovely place and the world is smaller these days, flights can be booked home if needs be at short notice, and holidays can be arranged every year. Is bricks and mortar and a car really worth your happiness? If he makes you feel this way then explore the idea of going with him...and I understand about wanting your family around but you also have to think about yourself, if you make a decision against that, it could leave you bitter and depressed in later years wishing you'd made the right choice.

Either way, you have to decide, and stick with that decision no matter what. Bringing up feelings of doubt and guilt and blaming the children you haven't had yet will just lead to a seriously unhappy parentage.

cdaly_

Since your job is now permanent, you could consider looking for a career break. Take a year and get an idea of how life would be in Croatia. Extend it by another year and you have two years to make your long-term choice...

flowerchild

should I move away to be with my boyfriend?

No

Colonel_McCoy

No!

yungwan

Ok so my boring and sensible response would be that only you can decide whether you are willing to make this massive move and commitment to your boyfriend.No one else knows how well your relationship is going, or how you truely feel about him, but the fact that you are doubting it means its probably not wise at this time.

My response if I was being my usual honest self and speaking to a friends would be that I think you would be very foolish to take off to a new country for someone you are only seeing a short time. 8 months is nothing to be honest, have you lived together yet? How much time do you spend together now i.e. how well do you really know him. IMHO I really dont think it would be a wise decision. Why not let him go back, try the long distance relationship for a while and you will see how you really feel about it when you have the time to yourself and can see how strong your relationship is.

Good luck with the decision.

Katgurl

No

it doesn't sound as if he'd do anything of the sort for you.

You appear to enjoy life here otherwise.

You don't know him very long.

You don't seem to have any prospects in Croatia and while you'd like stop working to have kids, no concrete plans have been made.

Let him go and go spend summer with him. Come home,
spend Christmas together here preferably. At end of school
term next year reassess.

Sephiroth_dude

Do you think you would be happy if you moved there?

seenitall

OP, I really think that 8 months is almost nothing in terms of getting to know a person and how you would get on with each other long-term. The way I see it, since he met you in your own country, he should be giving your relationship a fair chance of developing and gaining stability in that same country, instead of wanting to uproot you after less than a year of being together. Being stubborn and wanting his own way without consideration for your misgivings is a red flag.

Maybe let him go back to Croatia and do his Master's and see if the relationship even survives long term and long distance? A sort of a test. If it does, then it means you are on to something, and only then would I start contemplating any future moves, be it Canada or Australia or anywhere else.

To a good few others on the thread who seem to have got the wrong end of the stick, the OP hasn't said anything about the boyfriend wanting her with him in Croatia, only about the English-speaking countries mentioned (which I have to say would be a plus for him in my book, if he is serious about the relationship - speaking the language as an immigrant in a foreign country is more than half the battle won, not speaking it is a huge handicap, so you would definitely be better off going to Canada or similar; not to mention that, on account of national mentality differences - as highlighted by sunflower - as well as the dire economic/social state of the country at the moment, Croatia is not the greatest choice in the world for a Westerner to go and live.)

Best wishes.

jellybeans

thanks guys for all your input, a lot happened today! For one I found out I could take career break I suggested that and he actually decided we should stay here for another while :rolleyes: I gave him 4 options.... 1. break up 2. long distance 3.stay here for another while and give ourselves a bit more time to gather ourselves etc 4. I take career break and we go to Croatia, he chose 3 so Im pretty happy Im not sure the next year will be easy though as he is only doing bits and pieces of work and is at the end of his rope with the racism etc Ill have to do a lot of positive reinforcement thanks so much though