Break down.

LegacyUser

Hi. I don't know what I hope to achieve from posting here. I guess I just need to put down in words the things going on in my head at the moment. First, my story. I'm a 29 year old male. I have my health, and right now, that seems to be the one thing I'm in control of, and I don't intend to let that slip.

In January, I lost my job. Aside from the obvious financial ramifications of that, I also stopped working with some of my closest friends. Guys I talked to every day. Laughed with, and always had something to smile about with. On my first day of unemployment, my flatmate told me they were moving out. This person was a friend, and somebody I thought I knew better. Two weeks after telling me they were looking for somewhere else, this person left. Packed up their stuff and walked out with only a half-hour notice. And barely a goodbye. I'm not kidding about that. Again, the financial side took a knock, but thankfully, I can deal with that. But I felt let-down by this. I'd never have done that to that person. It's not like we didn't get on. We did. But this person's behaviour became very odd over the last six months. I don't blame myself or them. But I do feel let down.

I do have work to do. The nature of my job means I can work at home. So I do. And I'm also trying to set up my own company, so I'm kept busy into the evenings with various projects I need to get done. And this is where it begins.

I've never felt so alone in my life. For the last few weeks, I've gotten up, worked, cooked for myself, done a bit of fitness training (to keep active), and gone to bed. I've seen friends the odd time. But mostly, I'm by myself. I'll go home once or twice a week. One of my parents died 4 years ago. The other is an alcoholic. They had been dealing with it for the last few years with a few slip-ups. Tonight I found this person drunk. I tried dealing with it diplomatically, but after lies and arguments, I had to leave the home and come back to my own place.

I've had girlfriends in the past. My last one was 3 years ago. But recently I've had no luck. Some people have the gift, I guess I'm not one of them. If it happens, fantastic. But I'm not holding out hope. I'm not desperate, par se. I do wish I had a girlfriend. And as much as I will myself not to feel that way, you cant really help feeling the way you do. I know it's not the be all and end all. I know 'be happy with who you are, and the rest will come to you.' I am happy with the person I am. And I think I've a lot to offer in a relationship. Plenty, actually, if past relationships are any judge. But at this stage, and one knock-back too many, I just feel like giving up on the opposite sex. Giving up may be the wrong phrase. Retiring from the chase!

But oh my god, sometimes I just feel so lonely. My friends are dealing with their own issues. Pregnancy, weddings, unemployment (sign of the times!), so I cant really bother them with my issues. Sure, we talk about things, but I don't want to be the complainer. And due to the lonliness, sometimes I find myself on the brink of crying. And I don't want to be like that. I spent years getting to a place where I was happy with who I am. I know I'm a pleasant, friendly, good-natured person. A bit shy in strange company, but confident with people I know. I smile and keep outwardly happy, but sometimes behind it, I'm breaking down. And I don't want to be that way. It feels like a failure. Like I'm not strong enough. If I let it slip, that's it. I'm a failure and have to start building myself up from square one.

I'm doing my very best to stay positive and remain strong. Tonight was a bad night due to the revelation at home. I've nobody to talk to about these feelings and I just need to get this off my chest. I'm sorry for the length of the post. But I just needed to get it all out, I guess. Any number of the issues taken individually, I just feel like I'm whinging. And when I see other people much worse off than me, I feel very guilty for feeling this way. But I do feel very alone. Sometimes a person just needs to hear 'you know, it'll be all right.' And right now, I'd just love to hear that. I keep hoping that the saying 'it's always darkest before the dawn' is true. And that this time is my pre-dawn!

LegacyUser

I just want to say I know how you feel, I really do understand.I spend most of my existance alone-and I'm in a relationship. Sometimes I don't know where I pull the strength from to just plough through another day filled with everybody elses happyness and sorrow and having nobody care about mine. My relationship is a joke-we don't really even like each other but I suspect he won't leave because he's lonely himself. I don't feel like I connect with anybody in my life an the only time I feel close and truely loved back is when I'm with my little cat. I'm in my twenties-I'm not some old lady. The only comfort I can offer you is that you're not alone in your thinking, somebody does get it and this too shall pass x

dan_d

Op, I am unemployed, and although I am living with my OH, he's working, so I am on my own from 7am til 7pm, maybe later.
It's a lonely, lonely thing.People don't really understand how it affects you, to only have the inside of your head for company.It's comes and goes, I find...sometimes you're ok, sometimes you really notice it.

It helps to get out and go for a walk.Fitness is one thing....as in, going to the gym....but nothing helps your spirits like being out in nature, by the sea, in a park, whatever.

The other thing is....you're not a whinger.You're having a tough time right now, and it's totally ok to feel a bit down about it.Don't be afraid to talk to others about it, because it gets worse when it's bottled up.

It also helps if you can join a class or sports club or something.Something that involves other people, takes you out of the house and out of yourself. There are a lot of groups out there....volunteer groups etc....for people who are unemployed.And if you have friends who are in the same boat, meet the, once a week or so for coffee...or if money's a problem, for a walk, or to drop over to you.

Humans are a naturally social creature. And unemployment is lonely.It will be ok OP, but you do need to start making yourself go and meet people.It really helps, and it gives you things to look forward to.

flowerchild

It's very hard to feel lonely, particularly when you are not (or feel you aren't) in a position to be open with others about how you feel. It's good that you are cooking and going to gym and looking after yourself physically. A routine helps, as does exercise. Sometimes a break from chasing is a good idea, but only you know what is right for you. Sometimes we don't have the space for (yet another) rejection, even if you consciously know that you have a lot to offer and it's a bit of a numbers game.

Acknowledging to yourself how you feel is good. Do you have anyone else you can confide in?

When my father died I felt very alone. My mother went to stay with my sister and she and my brother and sister made all the arrangements without me. I stayed at her home to look after a dying cat. Who died, and kept on getting dug up by neighbourhood dogs. I can't tell you how many times I stood knee deep in mud across the creek in the dark digging another hole for a dead cat I had loved. And missing my father. I wasn't suicidal but I did feel very abandoned and alone, and it was a terrible feeling. I ended up ringing lifeline. And funnily enough it helped.

Sometimes saying to a real live person how you feel is all you need. And if you need more, friends can be more understanding and available than we sometimes think.

LegacyUser

Thank you very much for the replies.

I was thinking about doing a photography or illustration course or something similar in the evenings. I don't have much time during the week due to the work I'm doing to set my own company up. But it's something I've been meaning to do for a while and hopefully I'll meet some like-minded people in the course.

I do my best to keep busy so I'm not staring at the walls, thinking about not having anybody to talk to. And any opportunity to go out and socialise, I take it. But you know that the weaker moments don't happen when you're with other people. And it's at those moments where the pang of lonliness really hits. I guess it is a case of getting out and meeting more people. But I'd rather be doing it from a position where I'm 100% happy, and not with so many stresses on my mind.