Kind of unhappy

LegacyUser

I'm a long time boards user, 29 years old, male.

Bit of background, I'm a quiet person with little to say. This used to be worse before when I had very poor social skills and wasn't able to hold a conversation, but the last few years, I have worked in a company where I have gradually gotten better and am able to do some small talk. In college, I did my course work and didn't interact with anyone or join or do anything. I never even went out once. I was very awkward looking back due to a range of issues. I was very shy, didn't drink, no friends and was emabarrassed at my immediate family's mental illness problems and terrified that people would find out.

Now, I am better socially. I go to work nights out, though they would be maybe once every 6 months. I joined a sport which while it interested me at first, is now just something to do. I'm still bad with people I don't know. I don't have friends, just acquantances from work, I'm a loner by nature. I have no idea how to chat up a girl. I tried one time and it was awful-she was embarrassed and I was embarressed both for myself and for her having to interact with me.

My problem is kind of emabarrassing. I watch porn and have done so for a number of years. But lately, within the last year or so, it isn't fulfilling. It's not enough. Just looking at a laptop screen watching other people have sex is just depressing. I have thought about going to an escort, in fact I look at one or two websites every so often. I guess I want sex but since I'm so poor with women (and people in general), then an escort would be the way to go. But then, my worries are that it will be the substitute for porn and I still won't be fulfilled. I guess I'm lonely.

I know people will say to join clubs so as to improve my dealings with people. I have done this a number of times, but I'm still not great with people. I would never feel comfortable enough to invite someone over to my house to hang out, or vice versa. So trying to get a girlfriend isn't really an option when I'm not capable of managing to have a friend.

I'll be 30 soon. Like, will I turn around if I live to be 60 and think that my 20s were a complete waste, not even having kissed a girl? Or alternatively that the highpoint of my 20s was going to an escort?

Sorry for the long post.

LegacyUser

Hi,

I have been in a similar predicament.

First, cancel your internet subscription....this will help the porn thing. It is also preventing you from getting out there and replacing the habit with healthier ones.

If your family has a history of mental illness, it might not be a bad idea to talk with some relatives who seem to manage it well eg some uncles and ask them for their advice.....old people can be quite good for advice sometimes, more life experience.

There are other people in the same boat as you. Have a chat with your GP and ask him for the name of a suitable councillor. Even GPs will have heard of situations like this, so dont be afraid.

Intimacy is a big part of life, so its worthwhile investing in some help with this. Also have a look at salsa dancing, stick with the beginners classes, or irish ceili dancing....for a start get the physical contact thing going on, e.g. handholding, that should help ease you up a bit.

best wishes

LegacyUser

dunno_a_username wrote: »

I'm a long time boards user, 29 years old, male.

Bit of background, I'm a quiet person with little to say. This used to be worse before when I had very poor social skills and wasn't able to hold a conversation, but the last few years, I have worked in a company where I have gradually gotten better and am able to do some small talk. In college, I did my course work and didn't interact with anyone or join or do anything. I never even went out once. I was very awkward looking back due to a range of issues. I was very shy, didn't drink, no friends and was emabarrassed at my immediate family's mental illness problems and terrified that people would find out.

Now, I am better socially. I go to work nights out, though they would be maybe once every 6 months. I joined a sport which while it interested me at first, is now just something to do. I'm still bad with people I don't know. I don't have friends, just acquantances from work, I'm a loner by nature. I have no idea how to chat up a girl. I tried one time and it was awful-she was embarrassed and I was embarressed both for myself and for her having to interact with me.

My problem is kind of emabarrassing. I watch porn and have done so for a number of years. But lately, within the last year or so, it isn't fulfilling. It's not enough. Just looking at a laptop screen watching other people have sex is just depressing. I have thought about going to an escort, in fact I look at one or two websites every so often. I guess I want sex but since I'm so poor with women (and people in general), then an escort would be the way to go. But then, my worries are that it will be the substitute for porn and I still won't be fulfilled. I guess I'm lonely.

I know people will say to join clubs so as to improve my dealings with people. I have done this a number of times, but I'm still not great with people. I would never feel comfortable enough to invite someone over to my house to hang out, or vice versa. So trying to get a girlfriend isn't really an option when I'm not capable of managing to have a friend.

I'll be 30 soon. Like, will I turn around if I live to be 60 and think that my 20s were a complete waste, not even having kissed a girl? Or alternatively that the highpoint of my 20s was going to an escort?

Sorry for the long post.

If the sex issue is holding you back from being comfortable talking to women, I would say an escort would be a good way of eliminating this problem. But be aware that it will not fulfill you in any way, other than sexually. Which I sense is not the real issue here.

The only thing you can do is keep working on your social skills. You will need to venture out of your comfort zone to fully do this. As hard as it may be, you cannot let past experiences discourage you. Learn from them instead, and each time you will get better and better.