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LegacyUser

I am living with my boyf 8 months now and its already running out of steam, I always have been very passionate in relationships and any men that I have been with always found me very sexually attractive - Although I feel very safe and verysettled (in a good way), We are lacking in other areas..it's not like I haven't talked to him, we just end up arguing and he gets very hurt and offended we sleep seperately then the next morning it's forgotten about. In his line of work he does alot of 24 hour shifts and physically very demanding, I have to be understanding that sex sometimes is the last thing on his mind when he comes through the door so I have been very VERY patient, its soooooooooooo fraustrating!I fancy him so much even more than when I first met him but I feel unwanted and unattractive. I have tried date nights , to get out have a laugh and this seems to work when we get home sometimes things happen, I have tried getting dressed up in sexy underwear again hit and miss whether this works. He says its down to stress - money and work and I just dont know what to do. I have resorted to watching porn when he is away and even thought about a one night stand with an ex...but then rubbished the idea!I dont want to be unfaithful I would hate that!

I just dont know how much more rejection I can take

DeadlyTwig

Sorry to hear you're having so much trouble Haha finding the time can be unbelievably frustrating!! Well first of all, have you tried talking to him about it? If you explain how you honestly feel, and emphasis that its not his fault, he'd have to understand. He more than likely feels guilty and the stress of his job probably isn't helping.

I know it isn't romantic, but sometimes a sex timetable needs to be made!! Find a few times in the week, when he is finished early or even has the day off, to spend some time together. Sex is a vital part of a relationship which needs to be maintained. It doesn't sound like he is doing it on purpose. It can't be all you, you both need to make the effort!!

Kimia

Oh god, a sex timetable? I would hate that, it would turn me right off.

OP, it's clear that you need to meet in the middle in some way about this - you need to back off a small bit and give him a bit of leeway, he's working hard and is under pressure, and he needs to pay more attention to you so that you don't end up feeling so neglected.

So if you are up for it 5 nights a week and he is only up for it once, you need to meet in the middle at about 2 nights a week. Also, rather than dress up in the underwear which if your bf isn't in the mood is just going to put further pressure on him, why don't you see if there's a way he can blow off steam in other ways? Like how about the two of you take up running together, or go for a long walk every saturday morning or something?

It's hard to find a middle ground sometimes, and it's also hard to live with someone - it takes time to adjust to each other! Especially when you are settling into a long term relationship - the buzz of the new is wearing off and you have to deal with real life demands every day. The key is to do this while still making time for each other - that means making your relationship a priority, and meeting in the middle on issues such as this. Best of luck.