"We need a break" -he is letting me go

LegacyUser

Been in this relationship 3 years. Background is:

He is a workaholic and a a bit too fond of the drink when it comes his way.

Our relationship has been up and down, mainly because of his drinking and erratic behaviour.
His job has been going very badly. They slashed his pay despite outstanding performance, his revenue topped four times that of his predecessor . While this is nothign to do with our relationship, his 14-18 hour shifts he pulls in work say it all: it does, and work is all he knows these days. His job before this made him much happier.

Our sex life has died. I stopped trying because every attempt I made to be close to him he pushed me away saying he was too tired/hung over/irritable. So I waited (months) for him to come round and be more affectionate but it never happened. Instead I got the "we need to talk" and he told me he thnks he needs time on his own and that we need to take a break. He said he does not look forward to coming home (I am not a nag, I do my own thing. He always has a dinner on the table if and when he comes home, his shirts and other clothes pressed and hung up, all housework done etc).

So we need a break and it's killing me. I was waiting for him to at least say there's a problem. But the problem is him.

What should I do with this? It's confusing me and I'm really tired from work and stressed out about all of this.

Miss Fluff

whythis wrote: »

What should I do with this? It's confusing me

Not being funny OP but how is this confusing for you you? And there's nothing really for you to "do". It's pretty black and white tbh. You come pretty much last on his list of priorities and he is finally setting you free and giving you a chance to find someone who you may have a chance at happiness with.

You invested time in it and of course break-ups are painful but you've been existing in a sexless, loveless sham of a "relationship" with someone inherently selfish who has a drinking problem. It's a no-brainer. You'll thank him for setting you free sooner rather than later.

Peanut2011

OP, are you sure the 14-18hr's shifts are not due to extra curriculum activity and that is the reason he needs a break?

Even if that was not the case, why would you want to stay there if he is what he is and the life is the way you describe it.

SheRa

whythis wrote: »

I am not a nag, I do my own thing. He always has a dinner on the table if and when he comes home, his shirts and other clothes pressed and hung up, all housework done etc.

Ah hun, it shouldn't be just about what you do for him and neither should you feel like you should do all the work (physically or emotionally) in a relationship.

Maybe he wants to break up, maybe not. But you have to think about you and put yourself first for once, because he doesn't seem able to.

Azureus

It sounds like you are fighting for something thats just not there.
You might care a lot about this man, but hes not giving an ounce back compared to what you put in. He has had it handy, essentially having a maid by the sounds of it, and you have been putting up with long hours, no affection, erractic behavious and alcohol issue.
Sounds like you need to let him go rather than the other way around.

Sleepy

From your description of your relationship, you'll only be happy with him if you can change his work and drinking habits.

Changing a partner is an extraordinarily rare thing. How many marriages do you know that have crumbled because one partner (usually the woman) expects the other to "settle down" once they're married?

He's done you a favour here OP. You could waste a lifetime trying to make him the man you want him to be. Go find that man now.

Cheap Thrills!

Hi OP,

Well, this is the end. He's already broken up with you in his mind once the sex stopped. That was his way of trying to force your hand into doing it.

It didn't work. Not sure why you decided to stay at that stage and play housekeeper?

This is just the formal break-up starting. 'We need a break' literally translates as 'We are breaking up' -usually the person is finding it hard due to guilt and this is supposed to be the softly/softly approach.

Stop cooking his dinner and ironing his shirts. He's not your partner any more.

So sorry. You are better off facing up to the facts rather than try to ressurrect this from the dead.