online dating

LegacyUser

hi
a bit of advice needed on internet dating i was diagnosed with scizophernia 3 years ago and to get to the point iv been trying internet dating the last year or so im about to go on a first date this weekend with a girl iv been online chating and phone conversations with for the last 3 weeks anyways iv not told her about the above yet the reson being i was up front about it the last time and due to the myths about this illness the girl literally ran a mile once she found out after our second date.Should i try and let the possilbe relationship develop futher and then aproach the issue after she sees im a normal functioning idividual or should i explain before the date ?
anybody with any advice or expeirance with this

Aishae

its not something she really has to know at this stage though. if you waited until eg. after you proposed marriage then thats a bit much. but i dont see why you cant get to know each other before you decide if it's even going to be an issue.

RuthieC

Give yourself a break! It is an illness, but it doesn't define you. And it's also something pretty private about yourself, something which should be earned knowledge. The first few months of any relationship are only about getting to know each other. Nobody ever lays out all their cards on the first date, nor the second, nor third. It's probably the kind of thing you bring up with someone if you've been with them a few months or so. But it all depends on you and when you want to tell the person. Best foot forward, and don't worry about it. Everyone's got their insecurities. Everyone's been through things. And it's when we start to fall for people and find this stuff out, that we realize they don't matter because being with them is worth it.

Have loads and loads of fun on the date and don't stress about it for a second!

LegacyUser

I thought about this and i'm going to be honest;

I do internet dating and i would really want to know. I agree though that it's personal and not something you would want to disclose to these dates which are, lets be fair, almost strangers. It is a hard one, and totally up to you.

My understanding of your illness is that its pretty serious but varies in effect and can be medically controlled. (I could be wrong entirely). If you told me you had it, I probably wouldn't see you again, but maybe thats my ignorance and im sorry for that.

Best of luck, you deserve to be treated well and respectfully and maybe it just takes you to educate your perspective partner so that choices can be made in the freedom of knowledge and not misunderstanding.

flyswatter

Once she starts to see you are a decent individual and get's over her misinformed views she should with any sense start to appreciate you and not judge you with any stigma. I reckon she just needs to get round to liking you and not see you as being defined as your illness.

Unfortunately, some people do not understand mental illnesses such as this. Even an abbreviated term for that illness, "Schizo", is a horrible term in a sense as it is often used to describe someone as mad or insane when people with psychotic illnesses can lead normal lives.

I'm pretty sure most people I come in contact with don't suspect I have Schizophrenia, at most a very perceptive person may notice I am sometimes disattached from the world and view the environment in a fearful confusion. I don't think the majority of people would jump to conclusions.
I find that it's wise in most cases to keep quiet about it if it's something you can avoid. When some trust is built up, then consider the possibility of letting someone know.

I have had friends for a good while who I haven't even told yet. I haven't felt the need to. So maybe consider the information you divulge more carefully in the future.

Hope you manage to get her on your side OP. I'm rooting for you. Do let us know how you get on.

gerryk

You don't have to disclose everything immediately, any more than an asthmatic or someone with IBS would have to. Schizophrenia is a treatable condition, which, if you take your meds and adhere to the directives from your doctor, you'll be fine. You didn't state exactly on the schizoid spectrum you are either... this covers a range of conditions, some much less imposing than others.

Personally, I wouldn't say anything until there is at least the prospect of a serious relationship... i.e. you are well past the dating stage, and heading for the 'I love you' stage. People who stigmatise mental disorders and claim that immediate, full disclosure is the correct course of action, don't help situations, IMO.

LegacyUser

hey thanks 4 your insights and opinions into this i think tbh ill keep it 2 myself 4 the time being and as suggested see how far we get on before dis closing this information.
yes its is a shame how this illness is perceived by people in general but as an former inpaitent i can also see how these myths can come about.there are some v serious side affects of this illness and i think if the shoe was on the other foot id definitally want to know if a future partner was a suffering from "soul problems" hopefully things will go well over the next few dates if im lucky

gerryk

Good decision... build connections before you raise barriers.
Good luck!