Funeral dress 'code' etiquette?

LegacyUser

Hi,
I know this is a very very small issue compare to most here, but id prefer keep it anon seeing as the person knows my username, a good friends grandfather died and his funeral is in 2 days. In this case I would often just go to the removal or wake, which would mean wearing normal clothes(unless its someone close to me obviously, or someone younger etc) But this time I am unemployed and would prefer go to the actual funeral seeing as I will be doing nothing that day.
Would it be ok to go in my normal clothes as opposed to suit? Or even jeans, a shirt and a nice jumper? Often people say in this situation 'yea its fine/ no one will care / no one will notice/ the funeral/wedding(whatever) isnt about you/etc etc', but lets call a spade a spade no body wants to be the only one dressed differently.
As I said, I know this is a ridiculously small issue and really the only thing I should care about is the fact that my friends grandad died, but Im just curious tbh.
I have a suit but it needs a dry clean and Im broke(I wont lie, I am afraid to wash it myself as Im not sure will I wreck it but if anyone has advice on that even better)

Roselm

Not an expert but I personally wouldn't go in jeans. You might get away with it depending on the colour/cut.
I'm sure trousers with shirt and jumper would be perfectly fine.

coolcat63

Jeans - no, unless they are black and even then it might be seen as too casual and/or disrespectful. No need for a suit unless you are a close family member but something in between - dark trousers, polished shoes rather than boots or trainers (a tin of Kiwi costs very little!), a shirt, tie - properly tied or not at all - and jumper and coat will be fine.

Neyite

Dont wash the suit - you will ruin it. even the ones that say washable, really will not look the same.

Try this: in daylight (lightbulbs hide stains) take a good look at the suit. get a clean sponge/ facecloth and dab at the worst of the stains with just water.
Hang up the suit in the bathroom, (line up the leg creases exactly on the fold otherwise you will end up with wonky/two line creases. The steam from the shower will loosen the worst of the crumples in the fabric.

if you absolutely need to Iron it, always keep a cloth (like a pillowcase between the suit and the iron, otherwise it will make horrible shiny marks on the suit that you will need drycleaning to get it out. again, make sure before you iron, that the leg creases are exactly precise, its really hard to take them out again.

If the jacket looks too bad, go with the suit trousers with a smart shirt and non-runner type shoes. put the least casual jacket you have over it.

If you're staying down the back of the church just wear any non-casual black clothes. If you're going to be up near the front to support your friend go a bit more formal, so a suit or just a shirt and suit trousers. As long as you stay dark people won't notice anyway, it's just that if you're up front with your friend and your friend's family, things might be quite tense and you don't want to be worried about your clothes.

SheRa

First off, its lovely of you to be worried about what the right thing is to wear so that you wont offend your friend, but your friend wont care, they will just be glad that you are there.

I was at a funeral recently and apart from the deceased's family, Id say only 2 out of 10 people were wearing suits. I would normally wear black trousers or a suit myself, but because I had to drive a few hours to get to this funeral, i wore more casual clothes, so I was especially conscious of what people were wearing, but I needn't have worried and you shouldnt either.

mikemac

no no no to jeans

You don't need a suit

Black slacks, smart shoes and a shirt. Personally I'd a nice sweater too. Navy is fine

If you skip the sweater at least get the shirt ironed, in my office you'd see some right crumpled examples and I don't realy care but you should.

And fair play to you for coming here and asking

Moe1

Your normal style of dress is a factor; I'm sure your friend knows what you normally wear and will recognise/appreciate that you've made an effort.
Having said that, I think you could wear jeans, just not raggedy, hole in the knees ones. A nice pair of jeans and smart jumper and/or shirt. Any funeral I've ever been to, it's only been very close friends and family of the deceased who have worn a suit. Not runners though - proper shoes.

Aishae

you dont have to wear a black suit to look smart in black. but its probably the easiest option if you have one in the wardrobe. ive seen people wear all sorts that is black at a funeral. even darker colours like dark brown, dark plum and dark blue. so long as you dont turn up in all out pastels or a hawaiin shirt, you arent being disrespectful.
i guess the rule of thumb i - treat it in the same way as an event such as a job interview. keep it smart.

Firetrap

You're not one of the chief mourners so something smart should do. A dark trousers, shirt and shoes will be fine

calex71

Seeing as its a good friend id go with trousers and a shirt , hadn't been to a funeral in years until a neighbor died recently. Most dressed this way except the family as the crowd was older they dressed in pants and jumper but not unlike how they normally would, but younger folks wore jeans. I would say jeans are fine too, once you don't look scruffy / wear a track suit / hoodie / tshirt with a print .

End of the day it's about paying your respects and no body will remember what you wore unless you give them cause to.

One thing though, is there any chance you may be called on to do a reading / carry the coffin or do anything regards the funeral other than show up??????

letsbehonest

Since it's a normal funeral I would wear black pants and a shirt!
When my gran died a few years ago we decided to ditch the whole black things.
I wore jeans, a white shirt and a red jumper. My mam wore a dress that she wore to a wedding that was beige that my nan loved. All the family and cousins and close friends wore bright clothes and it made the day feel a lot better. I know when I die black will be banned from my funeral!

Vicxas

I would say as its a funeral id say go in pants and a shirt

LegacyUser

Hi all,
Thanks very much for the advice. It made a difference because I was genuinely thinking of just going in jeans and a shirt, but even though I wont be up the top or anything Im going to at least throw on my navy pants now. Ill try clean them to the best I can without ruining them.
Thanks again