Being taken for a fool?

LegacyUser

Sorry folks, lots of background info i think is relivate and may explain a couple of things.


Have been seeing a girl since july last year. Everything was fine and dandy and then in Sept she said that she had gotten a visa and was going to go to the US for a holiday. That was ok, she had the plans made but nothing booked, Then i asked who she was going with and it turned out she was planning to go with her ex. Needless to say i wasnt impressed. I explained why without going ape s**t and she agreed not to go. And we agreed to go to the states in the new year.


Along the way we have had normal fights and stuff, Like all couples, but nothing major and i had planned out a 2 week trip to vegas and new york for feb covering valentines day. In fact the only reason i didnt book it was i dont know what way her name appears on her passport!!! Then out of the blue she changed her mind, didnt want to go to states, wanted to go home to see her parents instead.( they dont speak english, I've never even had the chance to say hi on web cam) so I said i didnt feel comfortable going to stay with her folks but if she wanted to go of course thats fine. She didnt say much but didnt book anything for herself to go home.

During the last week of jan she asks me can we go to the US again. I was left gobsmacked. I had spent days trawling the net for bargains for flights and hotels and looking up tickets to shows in vegas and new york and now a week before we could have been going she changed her mind again. I asked why she changed her mind and did she think i was going to do all the donkey work again and she just said it would be a shame to waste her visa.

Then at the start of feb we had a lots of little fights. and a couple of days before valentines day she lost the plot at me becuase when she asked if i needed anything in the store I said, Can you get a litre of milk please like a good girl. Somehow that managed to erupt into a massive row and we spent valentines away from each other.

It took a couple of weeks to finally sort things out and clear the air but in those two weeks 2 things happened that have completely shocked me.

1. She booked herself a holiday to the states with a person she has never mentioned in her life before. Now i am suppose to believe that her and this girl are gone for a week holiday. I offered to collect her from the airport but she said no. Wont even tell me what time the flight is due in. Smells like something to hide.

2. Not one text, email or IM from her. I know shes on holiday but i'd always just send hi, got here fine, hotel is .... text when i arrive anywhere and then put phone away.

3. She has a profile on a dating site. I logged out of my hotmail and theres her picture looking at me. Set up a profile to look at hers and says active within the last week.

So now i'm left thinking that one big fight was set up so she could go away with either her ex or her "friend" that is always around her like a lost puppy or maybe someone she just met online..

I'm tempted to go out to the airport on the day she is due back and sit there till she comes out of the arrivals hall.

LegacyUser

OP, it's time to delete her number and move on.

You're all caught up in it, but she's been moving away for some time and the relationship is well over, by the sound of it.

Let it go.

Cut what ever ties you can before she comes home, and don't phone her.

Distorted

Yes, I think you're being taken for a fool.

Does her dating website profile specify "Looking for man who will take me on holidays and pay for them"?

LegacyUser

But when we were fighting she was the one that was pushing to discus things. If she wanted to end it then that would have been the perfect time for her to call it a day and get out. I,m not loaded and like dtdpwone these days i'm careful with what i have. So she aint with me for money.

Firetrap

The depths that people sink to never ceases to amaze me. What a dreadful woman she is- you are far too good for her. I can only agree with the others - dump her as soon as you can. I don't think that going out to the airport to greet her on her return is a good idea either btw.

ladygirl

Op

From what im hearing - I would guess that when she arrives home she may think that she can just pick up where she left off with you. She is taking you as a complete idiot!!! I agree with all the other posters here, get rid of her number and move on - find someone who appreciates you and all your efforts..

What an awful person she is!!!!
Best of luck OP xx

ManOfMystery

She's toxic, OP.

Look after yourself and ditch her. Whatever poor fool who has gone off with her will have to suffer her instead.

Oh, and whilst most people would probably tell you not to go to the airport, I think you should - nothing like catching someone red handed and giving them their marching orders there and then. Makes it more difficult for her to wriggle out of it later with some sob story.

Vicxas

Mate, she went with her ex. sorry. lose her and move on.

LegacyUser

why dont u text her saying that u know whats going on and u wont be waiting for her when shes back??? See what she answers with


Either way yes its clear your being taken for a ride, wont allow you say hi to parents, thinks hols with exs are ok, changing her mind about hols at a weeks notice???? wtf?? messed up before you even get to the dating site and refusing her landing info plus no contact at all? its so bizarre.

now shes gone for the week you can get about moving on without her being around

LegacyUser

I'm a girl OP, and she sounds like a right user! I think it's time for revenge. Go to the airport (don't let her know), see who she comes back with. If she's with her ex, you'll have proof she's a user and you can go about getting your revenge with a clear conscience. Meet up with her, be all happy that she's back. Bring her out for dinner in a really expensive restaurant, order steak for yourself and an expensive bottle of wine. Head off to the loo near the end and don't come back. Leave her with the bill.

It's about time she got a dose of her own medicine. She might think twice about messing people about again!

LegacyUser

Op here,

So i didnt go to the airport. She sent me a text saying she was home and i replied saying I know, I was going to surprise you but i was the one that got a surprise. ( I figured that if she didnt say anything about who she went on trip with that i could say i was talking about the dating site). Anyway she text me back immediatly saying. ~Hes my cousin. She didnt tell me because I would get mad and that she felt guilty but in reality its only a little white lie.

After months of being told how she has no family here, just a couple of friends and how difficult it is for her, Suddenly she has a cousin!!!!!

Anyway, I asked her if there was anything else i should know? and to bear in mind that she is a bad liar and that I probably know more than she thinks anyway. So she admitted having set up a profile on the dating site. But that she hadnt used it since after our fight. So i showed her a screenshot of her profile page showing online is last 24hrs. She said she just trying to close it down. Then she said she was checking to see if i had a profile, then she was trying to change the info to her friend as she paid for it and her friend could use it. Told her i have had a look at this site and the only reason to pay for it is to contact people because to look around the site at profiles is free.

She said i am being unreasonable, that is was only a small lie and that she cares deeply about me. Not once did she apologise. Not a hint of remorse. She claims she felt guilty but iguess only guilty enough to come clean when she was caught out.

So anyway, I am single now. Man i'm getting too old for this cr*p

ManOfMystery

Talk about digging a hole for herself.

Lie after lie after lie, all compounding the issue.

Methinks you had a lucky escape OP to be honest.

Peanut2011

Here is an idea OP. Why don't you book a holiday for her to DUMPSVILLE! Sorry mate but any girl who behaves that way and does what she did to you does not deserve a second thought.

IMO she went with the person she originally was going with and all the changes and fights were organised to get that break so she did not have to explain anything.

Just move on and forget about her.

LegacyUser

Im going to play devils advocate here.
It sounds like she was getting sick of you for whatever reason. You had a fight and she took it as a way to take a break from the fighting that was going on.
All these trips she suggested, did she actually ask you to go trawling all over the internet for them? When she mentioned going to see her folks did she actually invite you?
Im not trying to dismiss your concerns but is it possible you were smothering her?

The way it comes across, she considered the relationship over after that fight. She booked a holiday without even telling you and made no attempt to keep in contact, and set up a dating profile, that to me says she considered it over. Why would you go trying to find her out and get revenge on her? Leave her be the girl wanted nothing to do with you!

She back cycling now becasue youve been hounding her like it was any of your business what shes been up to.

Everyone seems to be telling you to dump her, It sounds like she beat you to the post there.

LegacyUser

idle passerby wrote: »

It sounds like she was getting sick of you for whatever reason. You had a fight and she took it as a way to take a break from the fighting that was going on. .

I would have taken longer to start talking and fixing things but she was the one that instigated the talking and repairing.

idle passerby wrote: »

All these trips she suggested, did she actually ask you to go trawling all over the internet for them? When she mentioned going to see her folks did she actually invite you?
Im not trying to dismiss your concerns but is it possible you were smothering her? .

Yes she invited me, that why i said i wasnt comfortable meeting/staying with her folks because i've never even seen them!!! She was the one looking to go on holiday not me. The trip to states, then the trip to her home then back to states, all her ideas, not mine. I agreed to the states one because i thought it could be nice for us to get away without pressure, just me and her.

idle passerby wrote: »

The way it comes across, she considered the relationship over after that fight..

Wrong

idle passerby wrote: »

She booked a holiday without even telling you and made no attempt to keep in contact, and set up a dating profile, that to me says she considered it over. .

If that was true why would she be with me for couple of weeks after the fight and pretend things were ok and lie about who she was going with.???

idle passerby wrote: »

Why would you go trying to find her out and get revenge on her? Leave her be the girl wanted nothing to do with you! .

This sounds like you have mixed up two threads if i'm being honest.

idle passerby wrote: »

She back cycling now becasue youve been hounding her like it was any of your business what shes been up to..

and again are you reading my org post??? Who was hounding anyone???

idle passerby wrote: »

Everyone seems to be telling you to dump her, It sounds like she beat you to the post there. .

No, it turned out that she thought she could do what she wanted, got caught, got exposed as a liar, and got dumped.[/QUOTE]